**** you!
For pretending to be real
Even though we are worlds apart
For offering me this deal
Although it was doomed from the start

**** you!
For always being there
Whenever I needed advice
For being the one to care
Making no other suffice

**** you!
For staying so ******* close
Nearly ****-blocking every girl
For handing me an overdose
Of your over-imaginative world

**** you!
For the feelings so forbidden
That could never be shown to the world
For the connection we had to keep hidden
Or else into hell we'd be hurled

**** you!
For saying you'd be my friend
When really it was a lie
For the rules that you tried to bend
And the words that could make pigs fly

**** you!
For incessantly writing
Those poems of longing and lust
For making them sound so inviting
As if in the dream we could trust

**** you!
For giving me master key
To your innermost secrets and thoughts
For creating such vivid fantasy
Without giving it second thoughts

**** you!
For forcing me thus to end
This wonderful journey of words
I ask you no longer to send
Your thoughts even when it hurts

**** you!
For the nights I tried to sleep
But the thought of you kept me awake
For the moments I'd like to keep
Even though there's a lot at stake.

**** you!
For the days I spent in fear
Of the day you'd go somewhere new
For the music I endlessly hear
'cause I got the files from you.

**** you!
For the electric current in the air
Every time we would happen to meet
For the desire to smell your hair
Even though it wouldn't be descreet.

**** you!
For the pictures you plant in my head
Every time I hear your name
For the words that were never said
Though we both seemed to feel the same.

I felt it that morning
as soon as I opened my eyes .
I felt it like a lump
a malicious tumour
spreading

I sensed that he was awake
that he was also aware
of the looming change
the air was dense with words
unspoken
but his countenance spoke for him
I sensed his frustration
his words struggling to get out
but he couldn't
words were not his territory
like they were mine
So I spoke for him
like I always had
but that morning
for the last time

As the pale January sunlight crept in
I asked him if he wanted out
he did not speak
he just nodded
and the lump between us
exploded

We died that day
so he and I could live

**** seed
Outshining the sun
Glowing sodapop yellow
Against a holiday blue sky
And contrasting green
In new leaves
And freshly cut grass
For play
Blood dripping red
From knees
Unto the green
And sometimes
Unto the concrete kerb
**** seed in the background
Summer stains

Up there on the top shelf
Carelessly stowed away
Is a paper plane
Is has been sitting there for a while
Collecting dust
Connecting cobwebs

It has a pilot
Carefully depicted inside
He's waving at me
Telling me to hop along
Once more

We used to fly
Go on magic paper adventures
In that fragile paper plane
We would explore paper worlds
Playfully made up as we needed them
And we would return
With mysterious smiles
Secret memories
No one would understand

But secrets were one day exposed
A terrible storm blew up
Lightning torched the paper worlds
All flights got cancelled
And the paper pilot was sacked

...

As I gaze at it once more
I sense him waving at me again
I smile
My bags are packed
I'm ready to go

I wave back at him
And leave a paper note
Then I walk out of the door
The taxi is waiting
To take me to the airport

Experienced bakers bake bread.

It has been rising
In the cold
For days
Leavened
By an ancient sour dough
Now it has come out
They have formed it
A tough process
Tedious work and foul smells
But they know
That the outcome will be
Worth it.

Razorblade rain
Draws ****** pictures
On gasping skin
Canvas

and

Morning makes
Vaccum blue lips
And purple suffocated
Hearts

but

Pale moon fire
Pulls minds
Into waxing
Fates

Page not found

I  don't exist
I have been deleted
All traces are gone

But you are real

And I am
Still bound
To your memory

I cannot delete
You

My world is folded
My mind is bent
Manipulated by
And itself
manipulating language
To counter the real
The brutal
With fragile structures

Language
A simple
Immaculate beauty
Though filthy at times
It can be turned
And flexed
with verbs and adverbs
Mistakes can be erased

Folded and written
My mind
This world
Where we meet
Is beauty
Imagined and executed
It is my escape

She uses the window
As a mirror
At night
When she prepares herself
For bed

She uses the window
As an audience
At night
When she slowly undresses
For bed

She uses the window
For showcasing
At night
When she knows you are there
Watching

She uses the window
To tease you
At night
When she moves before you
For her pleasure

She uses the window
To trap you
In the night
When she no longer requires
Your attention

There once was this silly spider
who spun her web wider and wider
until one day she tripped
got entangled and flipped
and she died because no one untied her

We should have said something
We should have done something
Believed in something
We should have cried out
And faced our fears

But we said nothing
We did nothing
We didn't believe
In anything
Money couldn't buy

So we sold it all for money
Sold our souls
We pawned our treasures
And took the money they offered
To keep us quiet

We spent it all
We had one hell of a party
But hangovers come with longing
For what we used to have

And now it's too late
Somebody claimed our goods
Before we could buy them back

We no longer have a common soul
Nothing will keep us together
So we scatter
We wander without direction
Without a purpose

Or we frighten
Whenever we see belief
We scare at the sight of others
Who carry their cultures with pride

We should have said something
We should have done something
We should have at least believed
In something

...

My skin was always whole
its pristine surface white
with only a few constant
bruises

I always bruised easily
my bones never broke
but I hurt
my skin never tore

I had no scratches
never cut myself
But I was dark
in certain places

I should not wear short skirts
they would show

I  knew that he would be lost
I had played in the garden before
And despite his heroic might
He would perish like all those before

I had seen many heroes go in
And with crowd cheers thus end their days
For not one had been seen again
Once they entered the legendary maze

I think maybe the beast had got them
The vengeful Minotaurus dwelling inside
Hidden there for shame from my father's eyes
If they met him there'd be no place to hide

I had never really cared for the heroes
Always boasting and trying to seem smart
But Theseus was different from all of them
And he quickly endangered my heart

For he already placed his name
On the list of the heroes to go in
And I knew our love was to end
Before it was about to begin

So I called him and told him my plans
I would lend him some help to escape
Thus a small roll of yarn was sewn
In the hem of his hero's cape

In return for my loving aid
He would come for me if he returned
And he promised to make me his wife
That for my love alone he yearned

But a year passed and Theseus was gone
The were rumours of victory abroad
That my hero had slain the monster
And I saw how my plans were flawed

I would fly
five thousand miles
as a butterfly
and sit on you window sill
tired but gracious
and completely still

I would sit
outside your window
looking in
and you would observe me
colourful and inviting
but too fragile to take in

I would stick
to the glass membrane
between us
and I would slowly burn
hypnotisingly tragic
but inevitably true

I used to dream of sirens
not of getting lost at sea
but being one of them
leading you astray

I fell in love
when I was only 20
a comfortable
and affordable
pursuasive love
with a lawn
and green jaquard curtains
and gold ornamented
dinner plates
that blocked out all.

He fell in love too
and he was also 20
hed not known better
mowed the lawn
watched tv
and ate
not from the ornamented plates
for they were reserved
for special occasions
like the crystal glasses
we got for Christmas

Our love was dear
we spent fortunes
but did not go anywhere
did not dream
until one day
he left
and took half
of our collection
of gold ornamented plates
before we got to use them
I cried for that love

...seems like a different life

Plunging
head first
into dreams
always head first
never toes
I head straight
for the bottom
head first
accelerating
like a bullet
shot
head first
out of a gun
I dive
into dreams
of dreams still
head first
penetrating
the surface
of dreams
head first
I swim
lost for breath
losing time
head first
I aim
to resurface
before I wake up

Entering your room
I would let you rob me
of all my senses
one at a time
until completely sedated
and oblivious

Entering your darkness
I would let you steal my sight
and listen closely
for your breath
and the uneven rhythm
of stampeeding hearts

Entering your silence
I would let you remove every sound
so I could taste your words
on dry lips
like parchment
with sacred chants and poetry

Entering your mouth through words
I would let you sedate my tongue
so I would have to smell your presence
I would inhale you
and touch the very essence
of you

Entering your mental place
I would let you take the last of my senses
no longer needing the physical touch
to feel you
or to feel
anything

When entering your room
I would give up all senses
to completely forget
and to become one
in eternity

Words are still written
Quietly posted online
So people may read

Comments are still posted
Words are carefully chosen
So no one gets hurt

Rush is still remembered
Mind is yearning for a real fix
Not methadone worlds

I am still addicted
Methadone keeps me in check
It will not cure me

Slip and swim
into
spiked super sleep  
slippery stereo
sound
Senses seduced by silence
stolen solitude
And shuffled sedation
Suburbian escape

along those lines
time has traveled
and marked its territory

along those lines
a story unfolds
and seeks to capture the reader

along those lines
is treasure, though hidden
and kept for the worthy to find

along those lines
was beauty
now buried underneath the furrows

Evening
Anticipating a storm
Gentle waves start to lick the shore
White fluffy sands gradually moisten
Harden from pressure
Of liquid and stored summer’s heat

Darker
Waves intensify
Ripping, tearing the shore
Moving sands with the flood
Flooding all
In liquid and violent summer’s heat

Rising
Lifted by waves
The shore is the sea is the shore
Water has taken control
Beaten the shore
With liquid, climactic heat

On an open field
they would land
magnificent godlike machines
like fortresses they would stand
as if built there by ancient kings
reaping profit off villagers’ toils

Shaped like cones
They were layered like ships
Having decks for each purpose
And openings
only where openings were needed

The top decks were ventilation
Huge propellers circulated the air
Also
They were used for steering
Like top mounted rutters and blades
Cutting the air
Allowing the crew to breathe
On the middle decks
Even when they went into space

The lowest deck held the great magnets
Powered by inductive force
A manually produced electricity
Enabling the ship to repel
Any surface on Earth or moon
And hover like a carion bird
Waiting for its prey to die

One day
There were hundreds in the sky
Magnificent temple like structures
A mystery how they would fly
But they ruled the air
Like gods
Wielding invisible fire
And reversing
The forceful pull from the Earth

In the streets
men would fall to their knees
in thousands
food and water would spoil
in minutes
infected
they did not have time to pray
before buildings would crumble
yet there was no fire
only a blast
and oblivion to follow

naively
she thought
she would outwit him
and escape
somehow

once she entered darkness
she knew
she would not return

I weep
when no one is watching
I weep
for those I cannot save
I weep
for those who give up
I weep
because I have no power
to stop them
I weep
because I wish
I could

they met
in lovely summer
but
her autumn had begun

I remember you
teaching me

Turning things around

I remember detention
For being cheeky
In your class

I remember marking
Your territory
Taking trips
Taking time to
Carefully draw up
Every inch
Of your body
With the tip
Of my tongue

I remember playing
Hide and seek
On your territory
Letting hands explore
set up a camp
And build a fire

I remember claiming
This territory
Taking it
Willfully demanding
This territory
To be mine

I remember you wanting me
And wanting others to want me too
So you could want me even more

I remember climbing with you
Dangling over the abyss
To view nagnificence
Trusting you
Not to let me fall

I remember slipping
The fear of mistaking
Depending on the line
Linking the two of us
In vain

I remember you catching me
Pulling me up
I remember you
Saving me
So I could have another look
At greatness

I remember riding bicycles
Across states
Packing tents
And love of adventure
Nothing else

I remember bodies
Sore from exercise
Finding soothing sources
Of energy
In sweet entanglement
Upon a silvery lake

I remember flying
Silently gliding
Over magnificent landscapes
Mountains, lakes and deserts

I remember being pushed
Instructed and embraced
By you

I remember hiking
Finding that cabin
Finding lust
Behind steamy windows
Pressing skin
Against glass
Against floors
Heels over head
Connecting
Delivering
Receiving
Catching breath and
Leaving

covering the world
that I see
covering you
is a layer of personal
poetry
a language illegible
if not invisible
to all
but I see it
and sometimes I write it
in a different language
to make the world see
just how beautiful
you are

Laughing out loud
they don't know what they've done
with their faces in the sky
I want to bring them down
and punch them
to kingdom come

Bleeding out loud
My heart is writing their names
in runes across my world
I want to tear at their souls
and pull them
down to my hell

Screaming out loud
My inner beast is readying for attack
on those people who mocked it
I want to unleash it on them
and teach them
what it is like to hurt

but then I dreamed
that I would
self destruct
too

I always feared
that someday
you would somehow
self destruct

There's darkness
In the incandescence of the sun
Rising and setting
In two dimensions
Never reaching
But casting shadows from all

And there's death
In the leaves still hanging
On swaying branches
Happily dancing to tunes
Played by the Northern gale
But soon meant to fall

And there's silence
In the violent storm
Whipping and thrashing
The blooming gardens
And their window spectators
With the lights gone out
And nothing to say

And there's love
In the angry screams
And the frustrated pauses
Thickening the air
When we forget
That we are here
Together

My writings are quite versatile
I don't settle for one single style
Sometimes rhymes come rushing to mind
sometimes I cannot even find
a single one

I may write haiku
compelling simplicity
in seventeen beats

In all I write
and everything I am
there is dedication
and genuine love
of language
and what can be said
when rules are bended
but never broken

could you fix me a joint
get me high
get me some pills
in fancy colours
some snow
get me high
or a syringe
full of heated escape
from my magnificent ego
would you let me drown
with you?

It was raining

For months it had been raining
mercury
from tired clouds
onto frigid asphalt streets

she took her time
walking home in the rain
knowing
it would be raining there
too

In her pocket
a world
where the rain had stopped
and its sun
made her break a sweat

she was blushing

She had been blushing for days
sunburnt
from her magic trips
into Eden

Silence is fearing
The silence in your presence
Night's painful lessons

Words still unspoken
Treacherous words kept inside
Secrets we must hide

Silence in secrets
Painfully longing for words
Spoken though it hurts

Blue clouds
On my little girl's drawings
Because white
Is invisible on white

Blue ocean
Dividing our physical world
Because the sky
Is reflected in its surface

Blue eyes
With stairwells to the soul
Because empathy
Is encapsulated in tears

Flowers painted
Underneath fragile layers
Of skin

Colourful reminders
Behind glasses
On a cloudy day
Swollen memories
Enveloping happy days
Of compromise

A total absence of colour
Blinding
But allows

A new creation
A blank page
Unfolded no flaws
A cry
But white is silence

A beginning
No given direction
Loss
But a chance to be

Anything

Green fibres
filter sunlight
to wake me

from emerald dreams
of dark humidity
deep forests
of potent life
Green eyes
watch me
from underneath
my green
pillow

Red are the violent floods of passion and rage
sometimes love
sometimes national pride
and ancestry
in my blood
in our flag
and my dreams at night.

Red is fire
and ***
Red is anger and lust
desire

Red is me
I am
The Red Dragon

Black is where we hide
Black are the shades
into which we are shied

and black are the words we speak
when we don’t expect to be heard
because language has already died
with everything else

Black
Like savage shipwrecked souls
with no chance of salvage
black because no one tried