A lot of words
saved up
sorry about
the flood

at least now
I know
that you're safe
though silent

On a late night walk
just to get some air
I picked it up
outside one of the hotels
and walked around with it
sometimes in my arms
sometimes hanging on my shoulder
later dragging after me
leaving traces of red
on the pavement
but I kept it
for comfort
in crowded places
It allowed me to sit anywhere
until I remembered
that it was supposed to be a short walk
and I returned it
the red chair
at the hotel
where I found it
before I returned
to my dream

I hate you!
because I hate the state that I'm in
because of you
and your tendencies to be late
letting me rely on fate
to bring you back
from hell's gate
or your latest date.
**** that! I shouldn't sit here and wait
for you to communicate
enunciate
that you're back and alive and safe

I hate you
because I care for you
more than I'm supposed to
I'm just a member of the state crew
trying to teach you
raise you
keep you out of trouble, too
make a proper man out of you
all of that you *****
with your trips towards that inner you
Boo! *******!
those trips are ships for fools
they'll sail you right outta your cools

and I hate you
because there's nothing I can do

tomorrow
I hope
my fears will be
follies
and not truths

I wish I could go in person
to check
to see if you're lying
to see if you're just pretending
only playing tricks
and that you haven't seriously gone
to another place
where my powers cannot reach
you

I wish I could ask somebody
to check
to see if you're still alive
to see if you're breathing
only silently
and not because you're reaching
for a higher ground
than the one we can offer you
here

Do you mean to **** me
with your beauty
and your velvet tongue?

Do you mean to **** me
with your letters
and your sentence ropes?

Do you mean to **** me
with your sudden silence
after all your constant talk
of death?