It was once
A never-ending-everlasting
forever-staying-never-breaking
never-sna­pping-never-changing
thick as maple syrup fresh from the tree
long enough to tie up the galaxies together
TWICE
this was the hope I had.

I threw it around you
the seventh time we met,
and I tied one end to your left ankle
and the other end to the space in my heart that I had
saved just for you
I didn't know I was saving it for you.

Because I had no idea
that I would end up caring this much.
That I would write poems about you until three in the morning
and turn those poems into songs
only to forget the melody.

That you would be the reason
for my curled up legs sitting in the corner
and the floor a sea.
My floor is still a sea.

And no one warned me
that you would be the root of this
black tree that is thriving inside my head
despite the dull axe that thumps all day long
yet produces
only bruises
no scratches
I have enough of those,
because apparently the consequence of love
is pain.

And I know a lot about pain.
My hands will be red and blistered for an eternity
from the rope burns you gave me, because
every time you strayed,
I would tug
and then you'd stay.
But your pulls got harder
and your left ankle stronger...
so did mine.
I learned to stop picking at fresh wounds
to let them callous instead
my hands are as thick as a bear
and I've got you to thank for that.

I thought
that you would never stray again
after that nasty big cut you got on your forehead
from wandering too far
you crept up the edge of the cliff
inch by inch
but you crept too far.
You returned with that cut and
swore you'd stay yet
now your wound is reopening
and your big toes are already off the cliff
and this rope I tied around you
this once massive rope
this once massive hope
is now
a stringy little thread.

My hands are shaking and
my wrists are bleeding
but I'm still holding on.
Because my real hope
is anchored to something
much stronger than the both of us.

Oh my
This foolish heart of mine
Dancing with fire

Oh my
This foolish heart of mine
Trapped in happenstance

Turning left and right wherever it wants to go
Under or over
In or out
Only to find itself captivated by what seems to be delicate
And beautiful
Deadly, but beautiful

What to do
What to do

Run it did, but only to return
Hide it did, but only to seek
Confused it was, confused I was!
Some sort of game is how I see it

Why have you run into such a captivating thing?
Beautiful
But deadly!

Thrown into madness!
Because deadly was something I loved
Deadly was something that made my heart come alive
Deadly was life.

I sit and watch
As each day goes by
Wondering how it would be
To have you here by my side
To hear your voice saying "Good job, Son."

I wonder what kind of man I would have been
If you hadn't left this world so soon
I wonder what kind of life i would have lived
If you hadn't left this world so soon

So soon.

How confused I was
to have never known you
How confused I was
to have never remembered you

Some days I try my best
to even catch a glimpse
A glimpse of memory of you
But how young I was back then
too fragile
too weak
an infant new to this world

How I wish for you to have seen me grow
How I wished to be able to bring back time
Just so I can spend a minute, an hour, or a day
with you.

I hope to see you one day
To be able to feel the Love you gave
The Love that I have no memory of
I hope to see that Fatherly Smile on your face
A Smile I've been longing for
I hope to Feel those Fatherly arms around me
Just how you cradled me when I was still a Child.

And to hear those words "Good job, Son."

I know if I fall one more time,
It's gonna be the fall that would break me.
We should get tired
because they don't deserve what they think they do.
It's hard when no one understands you
and no one has the patience for you.
You're all alone
to sob for yourself
and hate yourself one more tomorrow.
I'm writing this down
because I know that the paper would listen to,
though not understanding, all my reasons.
The ones you wouldn't listen to.
The ones you called hell of an excuse.
You think you're the only one.
Haven't you noticed,
I'm too tired to understand myself, too.

Look at the stars.
See how they never cease to
glow even on the darkest nights.

Be like those stars, child.

Look at the moon.
See how though it has no
light of its own it
refuses to leave you without bringing you some
light in the dark.

Be like the moon, child.
But most of all,

May you have the joy of your mother, for
her smile can light up a million black suns
and her laugh
can warm
even the coldest heart.

May you have her loathing for evil and
despise injustice like she does.
I hope you'll take up a sword and
fight for the truth alongside her, for
she fears no one
except
the only One who should be feared.

May you have the strength of your father
and walk with integrity like he does.
May you have his humble spirit,
his patient heart,
and his strong arm.

May you aim for excellence,
and shoot your arrows
straight and true.
I hope you learn to walk on waters
with a faith like your father's, and never
ever
look at
the threatening waves.

Look at the sky, child.
No, higher
       higher
       higher
because more than any other
I pray that you'll be


just like your Father.