Embrace your identity,
stop living for everyone else,
your idolizing "things" instead of gloryfing Me...
Ive never left you nor have I forsaken you...
See what the devels made you believe?
Pay attention in these days, beloved...
The enemy will play a big part in trying to steal your soul, try to take away the love, and joy from you,
to make you believe that you dont need me. Draw close to me,
leave the pain and the sorrow behind you,
and move forth on your walk of victory...

Bolted to her pain.
Everyone sees how deeply she hungers for a break.
She thinks "behave yourself. Don't let nobody in, don't let nobody know what's lingering so intensely inside."
It's a battle to trust seeing through eyes of suspicion.
Having trouble with passion, can't seem to find a relationship that's hopeful cause there's too many people to arrogant to understand what commitment is, and what it really means to love somebody.
She grew up believing the love meant forever,
Then woke up to reality, that love always has a deadline.
She crys,
All I wanna know is will I get through this alive?
Will I get through this left with sanity?

It's been almost 5 months since I've talked to you....
I just got a txt from you.. You said your sorry.
**** I really loved you...
Yeah I really did...
But,
Why now?
Come on love... Why not earlier?
It's to late now.
I thought we both moved on..
But I guess neither of us really did. And I guess I realize that now.
**** babe why now? I'm in the middle of something? Can't you see I'm with someone else?
Is that why you said sorry? Cause you knew that could have been you?
I hope so.
I hope you regret what you did...
I hope it burns a whole in your mother ******* brain... Pow pow, call that piece of mind.
I hate you
I hate what you did...
Truth is though.....
I hope you know all I'm really trying to say is I miss you....
I really ******* miss you...
But you can't know that...
****

It's a new day.
And even the mistakes I made yesterday....
Are washed away.
The things I fail at today...
Will be different from the things i fail at tomorrow.
I've learned it's okay to mess up....
That I can't be perfect for every body.
I don't like being stuck I'm the middle...
But to move on, I guess ya gotta start somewhere.
It's a new day (:

Time slips from my fingers like sand as the weary sun finally sets in it's hidden place.
... Looking up I see the stars, and I memorize their patterns, and idolize their beauty, wondering if they will always be as incredible as I have viewed them today...
As I ponder my day dreaming, my eyes finally got their rest.
I wake up in a meadow where green grass and roses only lie..
City lights were no where to be seen... Rose pedals peeled off the sun  to fall frOm the sky and lined a rocky path that lead to crystal clear water where swans Swayed  their wings as they danced across the water and rabbits played with mice who scurried up the ridged rocks of once so hidden valleys... I stand there studying the suns reflection hitting off the water....
Will it always be this incredible?

You..
You are my blessing.
You are my hope.
You are my love.
You give me joy.
You.... Complete me.
You are the one I can't imagine my life without,
You are the one that gave me love.
You are the one I strive everyday, to show, how much love I have for u.
I wouldent be who I am today, if I didn't have you, to come back to every night.
You make me feel alive.
You are my foundation.
You are my safe place.
You are my comfort.
And with all this love you've given me,
I can't ever wait to show you how much I'm down for doing whatever it takes to make this work.
I'm down for your overjoyed moments.
I'm down for your playful moods.
I promise to be there for you, during the times where you feel destroyed and forgotten.
I'm down for the times when you feel alone, hated
and worthless even though you're the opposite,
everyone's got those moments.
During your misery I'm committed to being your relief.
I want to comfort you, make love to you,
hold you, play with you,
tease you, please you, adore you.
I love you.
I love us.
Even when the feelings grow less and less,
I'll still love you
Even when we grow old and fragile
I'll still love you.
Even when we may fight someday and feel like giving up,
I'll still hold on.
Even when we grow weary
We have to hold on.
Even when it's not easy
We have to...
Even when we can't stand eachother
We have to....
I know my love for you isn't temporary.
I love you, and my feelings won't change.
All I wanna do is show you.

I don't want to be another **** being tossed in the wind, yet I watch for the harsh winded souled to join... It's my loss, but I'm tricked to think that I have gained triumph, once again I fall into there traps, not knowing that while I was beig brain washed by alcohol, I was being taken over by dark spirits... So now I weakly crawl back to the father barley catching my breath, knowing I'm covered with shame such like a blanket threaded with lose... But once again he welcomes me back in to his loving arms.... To someone once fallen and captured..

It's been 3 months
And I don't even come close to regreting any of it.
You've been so good to me.
You've blessed me beyond measure
And I hope I do the same for you
I never want to loose you
Never!
Without you I would only be half of who I could be because with you I am all that I could ever need to be.
I love who you are
I love how you feel
I love how you look
Everything about you is so perfect
You're flawless in my eyes

**** i know this is where i belong.
everything feels right just for me.
this feeling im in love with..
and this fresh air is washing through my lungs bringing this new feeling.
and im surrounded.
surrounded by the one thing i love
MUSIC
while the bass its vibrating through my chest
i feel im being spoken to.
its a feeling i dont get anywhere else.
its a feeling im not used to feeling.
theres something about this that touches me like nothing else does.. kisses my emotions like no one else can.
where has this been all my life?
this whole idea of expressing yourself... **** its amazing.

There you are... look at you looking at me...
killing it like a mother *****....making me fall for you like a mother *****....
you lock me in chains without touching me.... and you keep me without knowing it...
or do you?
do you know you've stuck me in a emotional cage?...that your playing with my feelings?
do you know i how much i want you mine?
nah i doubt it....
the way you help me out whenever i need you...
the way you get so close to me...
i want to think you do it on purpose...
wish i wasent so clueless

I heard that tomorrows not promised today...
But what if what if I died tommarrow?
What would they have to say?
I don't want no regrets no no.

You see through my foolish pride,
And you save me in the mist of my troubles,
You rescued me of things i should be burned with..
But you took my sin and hung it on the cross,
you drank my cup, and you sufferd...i dont deserve your grace...
i dont deserve your grace...

We have one shot...
One shot at life
a calling is on this nation, this generation
And it is OUR choice how we live our lives
I think, what is life about?
I believe it's in believing that we can conquer the passion to take a step of faith and to take a grip onto our calling and to rise up ONE church ONE bride full of every generation, every race, every dinominashion, and every message and create ONE fiery passion that will bring all of us to our knees...
ONE church that on our way we are already feeling the anointing and so thick that you feel like you can cut it in half and just rest in it.
Lifes about taking chances, it's about making
connections... It's about dancing through hardships an dancing through the good.
We have one shot At this life.

I hear the wind weaving it's way through the prickly branches.
I see the beauty of all the shades of this earth: summer, fall, winter, spring.
I hear the sound of T.V going on inside.
The sound of my mom making dinner.
I watch my chest move in and out as I breath deeply, feeling my mind working ruthlessly to figure out what I'm truly trying to concentrating on.
The minds a mystery.

Everywhere i walk, everywhere i go, someones been told...
They think they know me down to the very creases in my skin...
Because they know one thing....
They think they know my goals, my passions,
they think they know my pain...
You dont!
My whole life ive been living for everyone else,
im loosing myself..
ive let you treat me like ****!...
you mock me...
yet you say you love me..
All this fake "trust" that sill stands unceased...
All never go back...
Because youll never understand.

conflicting thoughts....
scattered in her mined.....
cant be put together...
how come you hide your face from me?
.....why are you so set in your path?
how dare you say its tougher for you..
.is it so bad
to want a relationship with my father?
  Behind you i see fear...
fear that your going to loose me,
but you wont.
I love you..
cant you see?
where do i come from?
i long for a relationship with my father..
so let me know him..
stop keeping me in *******..
let me go!

Bound connection
unspoken love
you cant even say i love you!
not even to your own daughter

the one im suppost to be able to trust with my heart
but i cant even speak to you,
without having to pay a price

they say everything happens for a reason...
well if everything happens for a reason,
what is the reason for this?

It's a new day.
And even the mistakes I made yesterday....
Are washed away.
The things I fail at today...
Will be different from the things i fail at tomorrow.
I've learned it's okay to mess up....
That I can't be perfect for every body.
I don't like being stuck I'm the middle...
But to move on, I guess ya gotta start somewhere.
It's a new day (:

you expect me to love her?
when you put her on a pedestal and love her more than your own daughter?
**** wheres your head at?
you wont even come to hear me sing...
you never even came to one swim meet...
the only time your "involved in my life" is when i go to your house and watch you pay bills when that's suppose to be "our" time.
you never make any effort to even acknowledge that I'm your daughter unless i do something for you.
i thought you said after you settle down and got married that you would  have more time for me...
...yet look how that worked out for us.

God how could i be so selfish?
to completely turn you away, like i did?...
thinking i didn't need you...
knowing when i got YOU is the only time i ever have everything ill ever need..
guess nobody really knows what they need the most until you've finally lost it..
when i loose you i only fall deeper into the wreck i already am without you.
your every thing and i missed it...
all the times life killed me inside,
all the times when i cried out desperately for just ANYONE to listen,
without being shut down.
instead i gave up on you ...
the times when the one i looked up to left me and i felt hopeless i wish i would have known sooner that turning away from you was like loosing myself
i needed you then...
i need you now
now i know without you im nothing that my heart is broken without you.
i need you God.

Far, is where you are from where I am...
My alarm won't wake me up anymore, and the sounds from beyond my room only seem to be getting louder...I stood behind my closed door, letting the tears hit the ground as I sink closer to the floor... Dad why are you not here? Will it be to late before I can spend anytime with you?

I opened my chest sitting by my window and under all the dry, wrinkled roses and dust I found the lat picture of you and mom together.. I held it close to my heart and laid in my bed pretending that your hand was stroking my hair like you always do... I pretended that you kissed my forehead and said goodnight... And aloud through my choked up voice I said it back... Of only you were here daddy.

through my tears i tell  him i dont know if i can do this....
i dont know if i will make it!
i cant do what they expect of me
calmly he sits by me with his hand on my shoulder and tells me
YOUR FREE! grace your free!
you dont have to let the chains that are weighing on you hold you down.
let them fall to the floor.
stop worrying about not measuring up.
your living in fear, letting it rob you of your joy.
take the steps its gonna take to graduate but kick fear and doubt out there door.
...trust god with the outcome of your life ,
meaning believe and have faith when you cant see around the corner.

he told me god has a plan for my life
he told me i can go after my dreams and i will live them out
he told me i have a beautiful heart
he told me he was proud of me...
and that was all i needed

He leaned forward and I did also..
His hand was playing with my hair
Mine on his cheek..
Beautiful he was
And secret this is...
He moved in so did I... What a lovely momment to be alive to feel his lips on mine... And my hands always locked in his..

Hey there, daddy im all alone and i got no place to go... i miss you everyday...confused and choked up i wonder why the **** your so far away, why you left me? .. I NEED you, here now..to be with me...i need you dad, i promis ive forget all the times you've cursed me, and mad me feel without worth...ive forgotten just please come back! im ready to jump into your arms! i miss you insane. and i cant handle not being with you every day! get me out  of this ******* hell im living in! wondering will i ever look into your eyes again.. will this wait ever be lifted?
Mom, ive come to you in tears for months...crying out for help. screaming but you act like you cant hear me... i thought these things got better with time...i thought you wanted the best for me...but you dont even look at me, i miss our relationship..i cant handle this rejection anymore....i dont want to be here any longer...

every time i close my eyes i miss you, when i sleep i miss you,  i wanna scream and shout I MISS YOU

i love you dad,
and i love her to
but i wish it was just you and me again
when we could just talk for hours... about our dreams of going on mission trips together all over the world...
of making a CD together...
i wish you wernt so busy..
i wish you were with me all the time...
you understand me like no one else does..
i miss the days when it was just you and me.
when we would sit side by side playing piano and watch the angels dance before us to our glorious melody...
when we would go on bike rides through town and dance on the side of the streets like no one was watching.....
believe me i am thankful for the times we have now with your new wife..
but its not the same!
when she left and it was just you and me we talked about our dreams for hours like we used to!
and we sang together.....like we used to... it was so great
but then she came back
and she was yours again...not mine
and the talks of dreams quickly faded
and our melodys quickly died..
i miss how it used to be daddy
when your all by your self and you ponder your thoughts i wonder if you do sometimes?
because i know i do....
but soon enough its time for me  to leave
as i walk out the door i look over my shoulder
and i see you and her laughing.......
....just like we used to
...for hours
but i keep walking because i know your happy
and you deserve to be
i know lifes really coming together for you with the ministry....
and the CD and your wife
just dont forget to dream with me.... dont forget to sing with me to the angels....
like how it used to be

My mind is going insane.
Just trying to figure out what I rely on.
Is it you? I'm doubtful.
It all seems so unclear now.
Just trying to figure out what I'm even thinking...
Are you everything you say you are?
I feel you pestering me, bugging me over and over again
Can't you just let me be?
Help me separate my thoughts, make it clearer.
Figure this out for me!
Am I wrong or right?
Is there a wrong or right, or do we just think so?
Push me in the right direction.
I want to be for you!
So show me!
Show me you, give me all of you so I can give you all of me.

Once again i reach my hand in the cabnet
and i find myself lost searching for relif as ive already passed out on the floor....i
ve been searching for something greater...
but i knoow who i am in Christ
and i know i dont need alchohal....
but its an addiction already..
where do i seek guidence?...
i feel like everyone around me would only lose hope in me.
Thats why the truth kills me,
i know the truth in what im doing,
and what i should be doing..

Far, is where you are from where I am...
My alarm won't wake me up anymore, and the sounds from beyond my room only seem to be getting louder...I stood behind my closed door, letting the tears hit the ground as I sink closer to the floor... Dad why are you not here? Will it be to late before I can spend anytime with you?

I opened my chest sitting by my window and under all the dry, wrinkled roses and dust I found the lat picture of you and mom together.. I held it close to my heart and laid in my bed pretending that your hand was stroking my hair like you always do... I pretended that you kissed my forehead and said goodnight... And aloud through my choked up voice I said it back... Of only you were here daddy.

Must you expect that I'll never measure up?
Why do you pester me with doubtfullness
Must you lack hope in me brother?
Excepting that we were making a reck of things
When we were only talking...
Please I need you to believe in me.....
If you care.... Then let me speak
Let me share my dreams with you
Listen to me for once without you
Bickering about my failures...
I need you to believe in me more than ever
And as my brother I need your hope in me
....let me open up to you
And leave your anger behind.

She's beautiful.
Surrounded by angels.
She works hard for her money,
With a beautiful baby boy to come home too every night she does her best to be a great mother.
Covered In tattoos and piercings.
Just cause she looks different then you,
you don't know her, but you judge her?
And that's suppose to make you better?
Oh yeah cause that makes sense.
She's Angelic.
God made her who she is
Yet you look at her and hate her because she's too loud for you.
Her laughs a little weird, her smiles crooked and she wears too much make up.
Look at yourself!
You despise someone LITERALLY JUST, because she acts far from the way you would.
Do you hear yourself?
If you could make everyone just like you, you probably would.
I hate the way you think.
I hate how you can just pick people out just like you and me and reach this decision  of whether you like them or not.
You're fake, fabricated and a phony.
Haven't you ever been hurt before!
****...
Maybe if you really knew these people you'd think differently.

My stomechs locked in a nerves knot,
..constant anxiety, never ceases
Take all you wont and desire from me, but im doing the right thing,
runnaway if you must. my heart will stay near to watch over you.
As you reflect deep into your heart, if you can find ONE good thought about me in your cold, depressed heart,
then please hear me out this once,
smiling, i love you... i will care about you always,
weeping, i miss you...but your gone..
i dream about the times,
we could have had if all my life, i hadent only pushed you away and fed rejection down your throat...
forgive me...if you are listening..forgive me

you.
you are beautiful.
you awaken my cold beat-less heart, love.
i think i might even love you.
you are special
like a sacred treasure that i must keep.
you are amazing
and i love you

As i walk in the house scattered glass... her rosemary perfume was spilled on the ground. ****** fist and punctured glass. i joined in begging them to stop... start screaming please stop...just please stop..just stop... but they don't listen, to a child that has so much to say/ so much untold anger, and devastation. But they don't listen to me/ so i wipe my tears and say don't cry don't cry. stay strong for another day! even though i know my family's falling apart, and i watch it crumble down till it joins the dust behind my walls... and it plays over and over in my head like a CD stuck on its track... as he curses me he dosent see my rivers of tears, he is so blind to my broken heart, and she watches me fall apart...

Their many crys of mocking "your a Christian your a Christian!" have faded out...
Not because they have stoped mocking...
But because I've stopes listening.
Everytime they mock I just call on your name and they fade in my mind.
I boast in His name
I'm open about my faith
They ask why I'm so happy, where do I find my happiness,
I share my testimony...
I will not back down
I've seen to much to stop believing the devil knows that he can't get me to denie Him so he's trying to enable me by getting me depressed but I won't stop dancing I won't stop worshiping.

Theres so many things that I will never get
So many things that everyone seems to understand but not me
For example, what the hell is a two year marriage then it's over?
And what the hell is a parent walking out on her beautiful daughter?
You think it's okay for her to grow up and wonder why she wasn't good enough for you.
am I suppose to believe you did the right thing
That giving up is the answer when it gets hard
Was it to dull for you darlin?
First of all your opinions make no sense.
Where was your faith in this one?
Did god just sit out?
Why does love always have a deadline?
since when did hate overcome peace making?
and why is giving up always the go to answer when things get hard?
Tell me what is love to you?
Does getting divorced,
getting *****,
Having angry bursts,
Not calling or letting people know you care,
And abandoning your kids sound like love to you?
Look further then your loves circumstantial issues and move on.
Stop using life's struggles as an excuse to be weak and leave.
Do the right thing and stay together.
Stay strong, when everything tells you to just give up!
Stay standing on the foundation you created with the person you fell in love with.

She played with your emotions.
Causing you to not know who you were anymore.
Depression is destructing,
You let it break down your walls
And burry it's claws in your skin.
I've seen how it's hurt you
And I can't bare to see you hurt anymore.
It's been breaking me down just watching you live in pain
Please please please just let the chains fall off your weary back
Please heal
Heal...
Heal...
Let me help you get you on your feet again.

I dance through the once so solid brick,
i twirl around the weeping willows that chase my skin,
My finger tips graze the tops of the daises as i ponder the abundant blue sky,
I dance because i am FREE
I run far away from the clawing thorns and dance towards the Lilly's.
Running as the wind washes me like a clear river in the spring...
I am FREE to dance!