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I told you once
but I will say it again:
when you live for Flesh
it's the beginning of the End;

It will take you in,
it will spit you out;
Behold: the Flesh,
and the Power it holds!

Passion is a poison,
laced with Pleasure bitter-sweet.
One of many thistles
that hides deep beneath;

It will take you in,
it will spit you out;
Behold: the Flesh,
and the power it holds!

Touch!
Taste!
Breathe!
Consumed!

Deja vu, already knew
from the first encounter,
But now I know to let go
of Words; to speak no more!

Like a Wind upon your Face:
you can't see it but you know it's there.
When Beauty shows its ugly face,
just be prepared!

Passion burns,
like Fire carried by the Wind.
The End of a Time,
a Time to begin;

It will take you in,
it will spit you out;
Behold: the Flesh,
and the Power it holds!

It builds you up one way,
and tears you right back down.
A Time to begin;
the End of a Time;

It will take you in,
it will spit you out;
Behold: the Flesh,
and the power it holds!

Touch!
Taste!
Breathe!
Consumed!

Deja vu, already knew
from the first encounter;
but now I know to let go
of Words; to speak no more!

Like a Wind upon your Face;
you can't see it but you know it's there.
When Beauty shows its ugly face,
just be prepared!
I'mma be performing this song with a few friends in a week or so;
the lyrics ring true to me on many personal levels..

Chuck Schuldiner was a ******* Badass:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgx3sp_hTJw
I'm not quite sure how addiction grabbed me
I picked it up slow but it grew so vastly
Started with *****
which turned to puffs, powder and pills
both downs and ups
  I'd have one in my hand
two more in my pocket
effects don't matter
just want to skyrocket
Please, take me away
to the places of unknown
help me escape
sober feelings, I've outgrown
No happy soul
been broken to pieces
the puzzle repairs
each time the **** hits
Hiding away
from both friends and family
deny every time
so please stop asking
A boy, once joyous
now fell from grace
peace of mind only comes
from numbing his face
No pride, sheer shame
pure feelings of failure
thoughts run wild'
Will it all end here?'
Partners in crime
now long deceased a harsh realization
of succumbing to the beast
Praying for help and
pleading for power
rise and prevail
stop trying to cower
There's a want and a need
plus strong will to succeed
to turn life around
since devoured by disease
Now I stand here humbled
with apologetic eyes
for my selfish acts
under a life self prescribed.
I see now that you shared with me so much more
than what you hid,

beginning seventeen years
       eighth months ago, every day
has been our day. Even before we met we shared things
so well
if it were raining here,
I would send the storms down south to you.

The weather has so much more strength
than our anger, the earth
let me love you before my heart could catch up
and would take you away if you
ever stopped loving me

everything we share
I cannot lose when you still adore me.

When I presumed I had nothing,
I stopped living on earth. I did not want to share
anything with you
          with half a person
                  half a stranger
               a lover without lips.

Nothing was stolen from me, not exactly
rather I was a heart
that began to beat,
then stopped
midway, realizing an important piece was missing
some artery God forgot to connect.

Those days were hard work
of not running to you and asking you to
give me something
      share anything more with me than just the sun

   and I realized that even if you did not,
the sun would hurt now;
it would miss me and you could feel pain
I can't
because it was you who lost love
                (I just never had it).

I had ideas of it,
you had your favorite flakes of my skin and
thought of the inflection of my voice as a *** *****

how could I lie to you, you would say
with my hand down your pants
and it made sense. I could make
             sure you never have children,
     but I'd rather make sure you do.

The body parts we shared are not mine,
but were inside me so often
            they almost could be.

I had similes for
everything: becoming flaccid, the sun setting
scarlet cheeks like a burn
all larger than what I did not know.

I had the power to hurt you, I just didn't.
We both lied,
but I only would lie on my back
and once in a while, I pretend you did the same so
the sun does not lose us as stars
         a constellation.

          The Little Dipper
poured the same poison in our mouths
    and that has to count as
             something you did not keep from me
  (something that believed in us).
a boy once told me he could feel my energies
and i asked him how that worked
and he said it was impossible to explain

since then I've been thinking of things that are impossible or impossible to explain

like the way teenage girls obsess over trying to get boys to fall in love with them or even just short bursts of favoritism from them rather than trying to find their way around the forest of little Yggdrasils that make up their own dispairing minds

or the way that stars and angels fall from their perches in the heavens (on accident (or on purpose)) and not many are able to see them for what they are (it's nigh inhuman to see someone for what they are) and how those same people who can peer into their heart of hearts seem to still fall in love with them (those dying stars, fallen angels, risen demons, broken supernaturalities) and their obvious failure at being what they were born to be (yes, there is such thing as failing at being what you are, many fail at being human (truly or at least believe they have) everyday, and as one of the the lowest on the echelon the only place we have left to turn to is death)

a boy once told me he could feel my energies
and i wont ask him how that could be true anymore
because i know it's impossible to explain but not impossible to do

because now i think of things that are thought of as impossible by all (by the majority of the sentient beings in this realm)

and i realize that there are many girls who have already conquered their mind forests but have determined that they are not brave enough to venture any further into the darker places so they turn to building gates of lust and ultimately building a castle of love to take refuge in and also that there is only this brief period of time between childhood and adulthood that the darkness pulls many in and forces them to explore and many are lucky to escape and only some fall fate to their more eldritch thoughts and decide to explore and few truly embrace it

and i realize that some people fall into broken, brittle love with a fallen angel or any exiled supernatural despite the fact that they have failed in everything that they were born to do and forced to live in this new reality, this ugly humanity. these people who are burdened with realizing that their new love will be unrequited and that their new love is not as new as they want to believe. it's as old as spacetime itself- lowly creatures falling for higher creatures that are just as low.

just like the boy who once told me that he could feel my energies
(and his fallen angel and his giving up of his soulheart to be hers if only for the while that it takes her to regrow her wings (i realized he wasn't focused on building castles of anything, but maybe a tower for her to lift off from, even if it meant she left him, she would be free (and he would follow her to freedom, i believe)))
just like how I'm trapped in the dead middle of my own mind trying to figure out whether i want to escape inward into the beautiful crumbling dark that awaits me or back out into the world where nobody will care that i returned from my own internality (because so did many of them (none of us are as special as we want to believe we are))

impossibility is impossible.
for Quis; idk; tentative title
When the rain came
he liked to watch it from indoors,
clouds, distraught,
dripping their tears down every window,
filling every drain
until they overflowed with woe.

When the fog came
he liked to dissolve into it,
pretend he had faded from existence,
strolled into a new life
where everything was coated
in the most brilliant shades of rainbow.

When the hail came
he liked to hear it on his roof,
bang, thwack, smack,
fill the plant pots
with frozen white spheres
like pearls tossed from the sky.

When the wind came
he liked to stand in the garden,
let it swim through his hair,
make it a mess
and wonder what would happen
if he flew up, away, and gone.

When the snow came
he liked to jump in it,
make a haul of snowballs,
throw them at no-one
and scour for footprints
that looked just like his.

When the sun came
he liked to smile a little,
only a little,
look at the view
and see the painting blend
from Prussian blue, to peach, to marigold.
Written: August 2013.
Explanation: A poem written in my own time, and one I feel sums up my mood fairly well at the moment.
I heard
That I’m made out
Mostly of water
And star stuff
They say that there is
A secret galaxy
Located in my mantle
Just beneath the crust
Of my pale skin

They nodded at me
Twirled me around
Inspected and pulled on
My skin
They nodded
Saying, “Yep, it’s in there.”

I heard
That I’m made out
Of water
And star stuff
They say that there is
A secret galaxy
Located in my mantle
Just beneath the crust
Of my pale skin

I got excited
And grabbed a kitchen knife
And cut through
The equator line of my belly
And I found nothing
But sticky, stinky, bouncy globules
Planets, maybe
So where are my stars?
Starting right here, I want to remember your smile
Your glistening teeth, full lips, and freckles
I want to remember the feeling of our fingers touching
The comfort that came with your presence

I want to remember the time we were partners
When we stayed up the entire night to perfect our work
I miss the feeling of being wanted by you
We’re so close geographically but it’s impossible to see each other

It’s my hope that one day, we will excel together
We will remember the days we spent together as children
We will remember growing through the hardest of times with each other by our side
We will continue to grow, and be, and stay
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