There's always that one person that will always have your heart. Yeah your definitely that one for me.
Do you remember how it used to be?
How we used to stay up till 5 every night just to talk to eachother?
How we would always fantasize about what could be. About the things we wanted to do.
Do you still think about how we used to talk every minute of every day?.... We never ran out of things to say... **** I sure miss you. I still remember the first moment I thought I liked you. Two years ago.... **** babe You took my breath away.
Yes of course there was other guys that got my attention. Mostly ones others would classify them as perfect. But with you it was so much more, There was something about you that I couldn't get off my mind.
Before anyone knew about our mistakes, it was great. I loved everything you use to say. Even if it was about video games or movies it was okay. I didn't care it was still you and that's all that mattered to me.
Yeah we got into some trouble and they found out I thought it was the end I thought you might give up but you didn't. You came right back. You and me we acted like we didn't care we still stayed up late and talked for hours like we used to.
But we got caught again a few months later and  now it's like it all wore off like everything that happened in those two years is lost. We don't talk anymore all those late nights are over... I hate this.
I wish I knew what you thought.
I wish I knew if you still felt the same way.
I still stay up but when I do it's only so I can think of you and what could be...
Just trying to keep myself from calling you.
**** I miss you so bad babe.
To me you were so perfect
It never mattered if circumstances in my life was going wrong cause you made me so happy.
Everything was right a long as you where only looking at me.
I miss you, I miss everything about you.
I like how you made me work for it how it wasn't just given..it was always so real and I never wanted to see us end.
And now no matter what I do something reminds me...
A catch if your sent in the wind my way...
An old txt locked in my phone of something you had said.
A song a show a movie it doesn't matter cause no matter what a thought always brings me back to you.
Even if I'm with another and I'm in his arms I still think of you he coul do everything right but it still wouldn't be you.
With you my heart was there everythig felt so right if only there wasn't that night that they found out maybe you and I would still be talking. If only.....
I would tell you this but if I did there would be no mystery

I
Am
Me...
I'm just a normal girl.
Grew up realizing that love inst just given....
i knew by five years old that I'd have to fight for what i believe in.
realizing that abuse is so much more common..
this world is scary....
something happens when you realize no one can save you from falling away from who you are.
something happens after the first time you loose yourself.
something shifts, creating a shaking down to your emotions...
its so much more common for people to belittle you and hurt you.
shaking you like an abused dog and throwing your emotions to the ground.
there comes a day like today when you realize that everything thats worth it, must be fought for.
and ignore all the threats and curses that people throw at you and push through all the times that your left alone in a room full of people...unloved, untouched, broken, and shattered..
you finally realize you have to fight to be accepted..
that you have to fight to be loved...
that you must fight for it all.
yet of course, you wont leave without a few scars...
yet that's okay..
at least you got what was worth fighting for.

Nobody likes anyone whose perfect.
yet how come we all strive to be perfection?
seems like we always want what we don't need.
we make it our every effort to be flawless for everyone else.
caring so much about the way others see us,
we forget to just be our selves...
Feeling so disconnected from the world
yet trying so hard just to feel accepted
we forget what it means to just be, without striving all the time.
never realizing that perfection is the you, without trying.

I wish we would get along..
i wish that we had never went wrong
but you messed up and i messed up
and lines got crossed so here we are now....
i wish you'd love me like you love her.
i wish you'd treat me like your daughter,
your one and only.
Remember you said after you got married
you'd have more time for me cause you'd be settled down
well look how that turned out.
cause now you're in the corner across the room
looking at my picture from 8 years ago
wishing i was over there
yeah i was young wasn't i?
then you ask me why i don't like her
or why i don't like coming over....
cause i was left alone..
i hate being alone
and  now I'm in the middle of no where
wishing you would be missing me too.
wishing you where here...
do you ever miss me too?
i Guess things got a little complicated..
i wish i could speak to you, tell you all the things that i've gone through
just to get to you..
just to be with you....

I'm thinking about the person that you want me to be.
and I'm looking at you now thinking about your reputation.
you speak of hope when the people all remain voiceless.
you speak of love with all these people so broken.
These people are starving for love..
who are we to judge them?
How much longer can we ignore that these people have been robbed of their joy?
We are all searching for a leader to look up too.
something like a God to hang are hardships and pain on...
But they cant find a leader so they look to the media telling them its ***, drugs, and money that give you identity.
where are we Christians in all this?
where are you messengers of hope in all this?
i heard that tomorrows not promised today..
what if i died tomorrow?
what would the people have to say?
what would i be leaving with?
i don't want no regrets no
i don't want no regrets.

everybody wants to tell me what i need.
you can play a role in my life but not the lead.
look at who you're talking to.
nothing you say will change my identity in what i do.
i see how your life is playing out too ...
my eyes are messing with me...The world never stops spinning.
never knowing when Gods gonna make the world shake us.
never know when its my last day.
could be today.... ****.
and today, I'm thinking about what id be leaving without.
when i leave i don't want any regrets.
when you look through my past you're gonna see a bunch of wasted nights,
glorifying drugs and the prospective of the people... looking for love in the broken. leaving with nothing.
This whole time God, you've just been standing there... waiting for me to finally listen to the words you've spoken.
****... I'm sorry i haven't been listening.
all these times i couldn't find you.... you where right there beside me...
man, you never know whose right behind you.
I gotta be careful cause Ive got some younger people that look up to me.
God, you've foreseen my future, you've painted it out like a glistening picture.
i think its time i really look at my life.
take a new look from fresh prospective,
and stop making it my objective to live life my way.
cause i tried it that way, cliche.
i heard tomorrows not promised
i don't wanna leave with regrets.

God bless America
this so Godless America...
this cold world... anybody give a ****?
everybody living for everybody
life living for everybody...
Leaders teaching that being blessed means being rich
having ten different women.... having **** to smoke and beer to drink.
Don't get me wrong im not saying im all that different.
how can anybody be different
when we are standing in the middle of it?
God, **** this is *******...
where can anybody find you in all this?
when all we hear about is war from religion, poverty, and sickness?
God, help me find you in all this. cause i cant help but become so blind to you in all this.
My minds in a blur cause im just finding out there's no ******* cure to this scary disease.
its a cold world...
God bless America
this so Godless america