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looking in the  mirror
look at me when im talking to you
dont trick yourself.
you think love is the way he touches you?
the way he used to wake you up at midnight just to have some good good *******?
He's got you lying saying he makes time for you cause he calls you on his break just to ******* then get back to work.
you say he shows you to his friends but its only to get you dancing on that stripper pole.
you say you know he has feelings cause after your finished he says
he loves ya
no a kiss says he means that.
yet he's got five other girls on the side.
nah, thats not love, no not even close.
but you cant stop your addicted.
**** your in so deep.
you think your fine till your all alone in your bedroom and you hate being alone so you call em'...
you do it like you hate him
you say you can take it with no feelings attached, but you know your lying.
deep down you know you want him... you want more, more , more
but you cant cause he wants nothing to do with love.
he's not into catch your feelings.
****..
whats wrong with me?
why cant i see like you see?
could just a couple of months have done this to me?
am i really that messed up?
everything i see i question..
your so cute...
and your such a good guy, babe.
everything about you seems right.
my parents even like you.
your so respectful and sweet...
but babe...
i said it from the beginning I'm not into catch your feelings.
you know i don't want that.
i wouldn't be good for you..
...Boy, you know id only get you into more trouble than your used too.
"we can make it work ill do anything"
no no no... im sorry
i dont play like that babe.
your making it personal but when we do this to me its only business.
the blood
my cuts
the scars....
my withdrawals
this lust
the pills
the spots
the marks he left
these thoughts
my prayers it all reminds me of where i was.
God im so sorry
im so so sorry.
im so in love with you, God..
i know its been awhile.
and im so ashamed
im unworthy at the highest levels.
im so sorry
i never meant to hurt you.
i feel selfish,
angry
guilty
i hate myself God
i need you to change me.
break my walls down
the walls of oppression
the ones imprisoning me
the walls of addiction
Lord break my walls down
i love you God i love you God i love you !!!
i need you
Lord i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you
i need you!!!!
....God i know im not perfect, i know im not...
but i know with you i am not just somebody
im not just those cuts
or the scars
or the pills i overdosed
or the marks he left
im not "just" anything with you God...
I AM the daughter of the king of the most high..
and God right now i dont feel like that.
but i feel you drawing close God.
Glory.
glory
glory.
i need your forgivness Lord
i love you
looking into the mirror she doesn't see herself..
she sees the hate she uses to hate herself.. holding her knife
she tells God every night to just take her life.
Day in and day out its never ending...
watching her friends and family grow away
all this time shes spending only feeling like an outcast to herself, sometimes to everybody else...
right now she feels like the ones close are choosing somebody else
like this mirror should show a diffrent reflection.
shes not her self.
looking in the mirror i see brokenness....
through the cracks i see self hate..
i see an addict.
i see somebody always trying to measure up..
i see your never satisfied..
i see myself.

Grace, look at me when i'm talking to you...
looking at you now i see somebody else..
the people say keep looking up
but when your looking up,
its like all you can see is all this *******
and its pulling you down
you know your father is disappointed in you.  
looking at you now i see you trying to do the right thing...
i see you trying so **** hard to feel accepted.
you're in so deep.
i see you feeling like you have to hurt yourself
to just be heard by someone else
i see your cry's through that fake smile.  
...yeah the ones you wont admit
but im looking through you and i see it now....
i see you trying to drowned yourself in all your lies..
there all the same...
saying go die.
i see somebody so insecure that she cant be herself...
i see myself..
I feel so out of control
I feel like everyone thinks the worst of me
Constantly not knowing what they know of me
Knowing even if they don't know it yet i know it deep inside of me and it kills the best parts of me.
These things i only wanted to try
Like a temporary fix for all this *******.
God knows i never meant to hurt anybody.
But it's funny how the way you think things will play out is only stereotypical to the real thing....
It's crazy how after it happens its ALL your mind is controlled by.
And I hate it how I don't really know how to feel about things.
Do I smile when you say you FINALLY don't want me anymore and I want you.
Do I scream to the top of my lungs with hate when you say what I did wasnt that bad.
I don't  know how to feel when I sit in church.
I can't even look at you in the eye.
So I fog up reality with the tears i cry inside.
Im insecure
Im scared and unsure
Of myself.
I don’t really play video games
Or read a lot of books.
Im not that smart
But I like to pretend I am in front of you.
And infront of you im one person,
With myself im another.
Ive made a lot of mistakes
That one day ready or not all have to face…
Im a fanatic about piano and I sing A LOT
Im sure it annoys a lot of people. But that’s okay.
Sometimes I don’t understand who I am or even know what to do next.
But I guess that’s when I put my faith in God and just rest.
Im just like you.
I hate being rejected,
I hate conflicts
And I have issues too…
I guess if you really think about it,
Im not that much different than you.
It's a new day.
And even the mistakes I made yesterday....
Are washed away.
The things I fail at today...
Will be different from the things i fail at tomorrow.
I've learned it's okay to mess up....
That I can't be perfect for every body.
I don't like being stuck I'm the middle...
But to move on, I guess ya gotta start somewhere.
It's a new day (:
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