Passion fire hope

Passion fire hope May 2013

Far, is where you are from where I am...
My alarm won't wake me up anymore, and the sounds from beyond my room only seem to be getting louder...I stood behind my closed door, letting the tears hit the ground as I sink closer to the floor... Dad why are you not here? Will it be to late before I can spend anytime with you?

I opened my chest sitting by my window and under all the dry, wrinkled roses and dust I found the lat picture of you and mom together.. I held it close to my heart and laid in my bed pretending that your hand was stroking my hair like you always do... I pretended that you kissed my forehead and said goodnight... And aloud through my choked up voice I said it back... Of only you were here daddy.

Passion fire hope May 2013

If only you were here...

Far, is where you are from where I am...
My alarm won't wake me up anymore, and the sounds from beyond my room only seem to be getting louder...I stood behind my closed door, letting the tears hit the ground as I sink closer to the floor... Dad why are you not here? Will it be to late before I can spend anytime with you?

I opened my chest sitting by my window and under all the dry, wrinkled roses and dust I found the lat picture of you and mom together.. I held it close to my heart and laid in my bed pretending that your hand was stroking my hair like you always do... I pretended that you kissed my forehead and said goodnight... And aloud through my choked up voice I said it back... Of only you were here daddy.

Passion fire hope May 2013

Not much to look at..

In an empty room
Just me, not much to look at.
Sitting on a bench. Skipped class. Just waiting to feel something ...
Even though its wrong
I just don't care anymore.
I'm alone....
I feel no need to succeed...
Not here
There's no point.
How can you say it's easy when it's **** HARD?
Just giveing up cause there's no point.
I'm sick of the same old **** I get from you..
I can't wait tell I'm out of this hell called school.
So for now I'm just starin at a puddle oink this empty floor...
Just me in the reflection..
Not much to look at.

Passion fire hope May 2013

STUCK

When you think you see...
You really don't.
All those things you say cause you think you have the control to manipulate me.
...When it just hurts
It's just like you to just stand there kicking dirt in my eyes telling me "just get up!!"
....it's not that easy, and you don't get it. So I guess I gotta point this out so you can understand IT.
"IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE, WHO FEELS LIKE I FEEL?!!"
Feeling stuck like your the only one trying to do the right thing anymore ....
Yet your surrounded by people who worship their sim... Stuck living the lie that you gotta fit it... You guys are tricked into thinking that the way you perform in front of
Your friends is how they decide whether your good enough when really there justnsearching for your flaws...!see I don't know about YOU but I'm tierd of choosing to drag behind someone else's shadow...living behind someone else's desguise I think they call it "living a lie"..see where I'm stuck is, when I'm trying to live for God, I automatically am shot out of the friend zone , ending up that its just me again. Vulnerable and alone. And the whole separating my self and playing piano alone ... Is getting old!! I know they say it won't be easy and it's a "relentless pursuit" but really? See its just like you to walk into my life and point out my flaws like daggers in my chest.. When your the one I am supposed to look up too. But when your not here where I'm at you REALLY don't know just how hard it is!! There is not one person I've met that seems to want the same thing as me... "IF YOUR OUT THERE, WHERE ARE YOU?! PLEASE STEP UP!" Cause it's **** hard .. Do you not see my cry? I'm trying!!
But my crystal aren't loud enough... And it feels as though my prayers never leave me... Behind closed doors hoping that if I scream loud enough or cry hard enough MAYBE just MAYBE you'll hear me. Just realizing that you won't cause no ones really listening.... Hoping that if I hide behind this disquise long enough you'll forget who I used to be.. I miss you dad... I haven't seen you in 4 weeks do you hear me now? Friends, will you finally listen?.... Please if you'll just let me speak I will tell you.... Just don't let me speak only to find that your not really listening... How I see it ..... Is... PLEASE STAND UP!! If your striving and hurting please reach out!! Because there's people just like you and me, trying to decide whether to speak or to stay silent.. Cause there stuck finding that when they open up people don't seem to care what they have to say... All I'm asking is IF YOUR DO CARE.
V please stand up and ask me, ask your friends, ask your enemy's cause I hurry tee there's a lot more people "stuck" and hurting .. Just like you and me...

Passion fire hope May 2013

STUCK

When you think you see...
You really don't.
All those things you say cause you think you have the control to manipulate me.
...When it just hurts
It's just like you to just stand there kicking dirt in my eyes telling me "just get up!!"
....it's not that easy, and you don't get it. So I guess I gotta point this out so you can understand IT.
"IS THERE ANYBODY OUT THERE, WHO FEELS LIKE I FEEL?!!"
Feeling stuck like your the only one trying to do the right thing anymore ....
Yet your surrounded by people who worship their sim... Stuck living the lie that you gotta fit it... You guys are tricked into thinking that the way you perform in front of
Your friends is how they decide whether your good enough when really there justnsearching for your flaws...!see I don't know about YOU but I'm tierd of choosing to drag behind someone else's shadow...living behind someone else's desguise I think they call it "living a lie"..see where I'm stuck is, when I'm trying to live for God, I automatically am shot out of the friend zone , ending up that its just me again. Vulnerable and alone. And the whole separating my self and playing piano alone ... Is getting old!! I know they say it won't be easy and it's a "relentless pursuit" but really? See its just like you to walk into my life and point out my flaws like daggers in my chest.. When your the one I am supposed to look up too. But when your not here where I'm at you REALLY don't know just how hard it is!! There is not one person I've met that seems to want the same thing as me... "IF YOUR OUT THERE, WHERE ARE YOU?! PLEASE STEP UP!" Cause it's **** hard .. Do you not see my cry? I'm trying!!
But my crystal aren't loud enough... And it feels as though my prayers never leave me... Behind closed doors hoping that if I scream loud enough or cry hard enough MAYBE just MAYBE you'll hear me. Just realizing that you won't cause no ones really listening.... Hoping that if I hide behind this disquise long enough you'll forget who I used to be.. I miss you dad... I haven't seen you in 4 weeks do you hear me now? Friends, will you finally listen?.... Please if you'll just let me speak I will tell you.... Just don't let me speak only to find that your not really listening... How I see it ..... Is... PLEASE STAND UP!! If your striving and hurting please reach out!! Because there's people just like you and me, trying to decide whether to speak or to stay silent.. Cause there stuck finding that when they open up people don't seem to care what they have to say... All I'm asking is IF YOUR DO CARE.
V please stand up and ask me, ask your friends, ask your enemy's cause I hurry tee there's a lot more people "stuck" and hurting .. Just like you and me...

Passion fire hope Apr 2013

Father like Daughter...

you and me....we were so close
father like daughter, the bestest of friends.
you were my savior, you taught me about Jesus, you used to read me the bible every night to me..
you deliverd me to Christ and prayed the prayer of salvation with me, and i was saved.
but see then you stopped coming home, and when you did, you were always drunk!
hitting my mom, pushing me around. i guess things got a little to heavy for you...
see, i wish i knew it was alchohal, i wish i knew that wasent my daddy, that would hurt me... but i didnt!
so i hide from you, under my bed, clenching on to my blanky cause you and mama were screaming...always fighting.
i didnt know what to do!!
what happens when the one you were suppost to look up to, wasent there. what if they started changing?
ever since i was little all i wanted to do was follow in your foot steps... i only wanted to be just like you . play piano like you did, walk/ talk like you did, be Christ like you did, but now....?you were so angry at me, so drunk...you hated God, i even thought you hated me, so i did too... then you left me and mama at home not knowing what to do...not knowing where you were, where you went. i hated myself, because my own father hated me! you probably didn't know that, did you... probably didn't know that Ive wanted and to commit suicide ... and i wouldent be here, if my mom and my friends hadent caught me... I NEEDED YOU THEN! .... dad, i needed you to show me that God didnt hate me, that he set me out to be a woman of God. That identity isnt about fitting in, or being so perfect all the time. since i didnt have you in my life i was always fighting for approval because i felt like when you left, you hated me, that i wasent good enough to be called your daughter. i wish i would have known its okay to make mistakes sometimes... i wish i would have known about controlling my anger, and to have respect for my leaders.... i wish i would have known that i could stand up for myself, but i didnt... i didnt know that i was important. important enough to not hurt myself. that i was made for more... so i had to figure that out for myself! after years of hating God and YOu, i had to figure out what a fool i was and that i really didnt have to let people abuse and mock me... that i could havve stopped that! i wish i knew that when i was threatend to be killed, i could have called out for help, i could have told someone.... but you stood back...behind the lines. i thought i lost you...

Passion fire hope Apr 2013

Jonathan Stuart :)

Baby your my everything!!
do you realize that i wouldn't want to change you for nothing.
your the A and Z to my Alphabet .
the "L" to my "OVE"
the melody to my verses,
the bird to my wings,
the air that i breath
your like the cherry to my ice cream.
the BEE to my HONEY
and baby,
see i CANT BE with out YOU! ..I!!.......... Love you :)
... i go all Stevie Wonder, when i wonder if i can see ME without you.
i start going crazy if i try to think something else besides YOU and ME.
BOY, its like your TATTOOED to my mind, cause your ALL i can think about :)
Darling,
I'm not ME without YOU.
that's why i know we can whether any storm that the world decides to throw at us... baby were stuck like glue! that's why i know words cant ever tare this love to pieces. I'm yours...and i will forever be :) boy, its you and me :)