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Is it just me,
or does it seem like church
isn’t really how God wanted it to be?
They like to expect things of me, that I just cant be.
Im trying but this person hidden deep inside of me got me fighting for a lot of me, looking deep inside of me, only alittle hope left, as far as I can see…
And as far as I can see, wearing snap backs, hoop ear rings, and skinny jeans isn’t a public disgrace, humiliation or the sign of a bad reputation
As long as your seeking, searching, looking for his face
You come to church for meditation
You come to God for worship
Even though you think we are coming here with are own vanity purchase .
Im not trying to hate on my own kind
But im not in with these actors called pastors.
Manipulating woman, doing these things behind the stage,
And AFTER THAT singing a solo on WORSHIP?
Whats next?
That’s backwards.
They might as well be sniffing ******* first..
And if that’s God, then I don’t know HIM
I guess im already in my church clothes
He's on my mind but so are you,
when i think of HIM, i think of YOU
when i see HIM i see YOU!!
its like i'm looking in the same mirror,
and your always right beside me.
you see,
i see how you be trying to be,
trying to disguise yourself as the person
you got me thinking i wanna see...
THE PERSON I WANNA BE........... with...
and now i got him so confused,
searching both ways,
left and right,
crying inside,
not knowing what to do,
hes so confused...
WHO AM I to think of anyone else but you....
to distort and twist my thoughts into something so SICKENING!??
see i know its killing YOU
because its killing ME!
Knowing it doesn't really matter cause either way
no ones really listening...
...but see then i FEEL you....
everything I've ever wanted,
so close i could almost reach you...
to ever leave you,
would only end up in destruction.
all these high hopes i cant see cause there covered up and drugged up in all this filthy lusting...
i wish you'd change...
maybe some day,
but for NOW your to scared....
to scared to trust anyone but yourself...
to think you'd be named filthy and stained
because you've become the one they blame..
...so you pull back....
trying to DISGUISE those feelings you try so hard to hide,
when REALLY your the only one hiding here!!!
NOT your WORDS not NOT your GUILT or your SHAME.
but your HAPPINESS , your JOY and the LOVE you thought would have came....
but it didn't......
now most of you's left in your past,
chained up and ******* dragging behind your LIES.
the ones your pretended you couldn't SEE,
and the ones you tried so hard to ignore and push behind you,
hoping you could find away to just WALK AWAY
from your MISTAKES you call ME...
but we both KNOW,
there's one thing stopping you.....
cause you know,
when your all alone in your bedroom....
there's nothing you can leave behind,
or push out of your mind..
because its just you..
your forced to face the truth that your not over me...
..and I'M not OVER  you....
so stop pulling back ...
become the man God per-destend you to BE....
so i can stop thinking about you,
and you can stop thinking about ME....
cause in the END it doesn't really matter..
..cause no ones really listening
(not really a poem, just thoughts)
(This is what I think God would want me to say in this time)
Beloved, listen carefully in these days
There are some who will try everything in their power to get you to stop fighting for what you believe. To get you to forget, and do something you’ll regret.
People will tell you that you cant do what you want to achieve in Me.
They will beat you, spit on you telling you your worthless, and not good enough.
BUT LISTEN to Me, I tell you, forget them. Keep their foolish words as far away from your soul as you can. Because if you listen, they will spiritually destroy you, Beloved, remember what the enemy wants. Division, distruction, and to slowly get you to crawl back to your old ways, and loose sight of Me.
But I say do not dwell In your old ways, throw them to the bottom of the ocean and leave them.
I DON’T CARE ABOUT THE SURFACE, I care about your heart. If you want an encounter from me, be real with me….
PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT ALL FEAR..
your mouth could be saying yes but your heart….says no… I don’t look at you as people on this earth, only looking at the surface. I care about your heart.
When you have FEAR, it exposes and takes over you and it controls you and makes you lack hope in ME….


Beloved,
There is nothing in this life that I give you, that will be to difficult for you. You WILL go through trials and hard ships to get you to the place were you will listen, it will be hard but if that’s what it takes to bring you to your knees and hear Me, it will only cause you to grow more like me spiritually. Yet I will NOT leave you. Do NOT live your life in fear, of what other people think, don’t live your life striving to be perfect, you will only fall farther and farther into the devils pit of lies.
im so sick of screaming into my pillow, and banging my fist into my bed... making a reck of myself
so sick of playing stupid mind games to keep from thinking about it...
im so sick of acting like im okay with never seeing you....
so sick of trying to keep these tears from coming, and when they do
im so sick of hiding them behind closed doors
....biting down on my cloths so no one can hear me
daddy the only place i wanna be is in your arms....
i hate this.....
what will take this anger away?
so sick of not being able to write about anything else...
but you,
you don't even know this blog exists.
so sick of holding a grip on the poles of my head board that my hand goes numb,
hoping if i hold on long enough,
if i scream loud enough,
...cry hard enough...
that maybe i wont care anymore.
she said forget it, it wont happen... you'll never see him anymore then you do now..
do you not see how happy i am when im with him..
only one word of her saying yes could fix this...
nothing else...
and im so sick of it!
so i run....
run away
tell she cant find me
tell she forgets my existence
im sure it wouldn't be hard for her to do  
i run far away
until
i finally
become reunited
with you again.
ill run until i can jump into your arms
tell i can tell you how much ive missed you
and wonderd when i could see you again...
i would tell you
..that i love you
and i would never want to leave..
mom dont make me leave....
let me stay with my dad
ill be okay
please...
listen to me
i need this
i need him, with me..
please?
reposting this one
I'm on fire, I'm on fire for you God!
I'm running, running after you!
To see your face is all I desire!
Embrace me god  in your arms
Bring me past normal,
I want to go far on your path!
Let me be your hands and feet,
Let me be as a vessel so that your life canflow through mine...
And touch people so strongly, that woud have such an impact on their lives
That they can't hold back any longer that they can't turn their
Face any longer, I don't want to denie you anymore..
I want your will god and
As I step foot in Israel
I k ow you will be by my side, with every step I take
... Im on fire for you ...
conflicting thoughts....
scattered in her mined.....
cant be put together...
how come you hide your face from me?
.....why are you so set in your path?
how dare you say its tougher for you..
.is it so bad
to want a relationship with my father?
  Behind you i see fear...
fear that your going to loose me,
but you wont.
I love you..
cant you see?
where do i come from?
i long for a relationship with my father..
so let me know him..
stop keeping me in *******..
let me go!
..Even though it seems as though hardships block my sight, you take me above my circumstances. Father, you send comfort my way when times seem to be clouded by pain...and now i know that fear has no place in my heart...perfect love drives out all fear..i strive to have a heart of expectancy, that you will provide, because you always do. your such a faithful GOD.
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