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 Sep 2013 Parker Smith
Tim Knight
I regularly ask myself what have I achieved in a year
and no thoughts come near
to the ones I should tell myself,
like where did my grace go?
how did I get here?
was that house right to rent?
wasted money that got spent on what?

Existence is tiring,
though it's all we've got and nothing more,
ideas yet to be printed, screenplays
yet to be tested,
theory's waiting to be put to the test and laid to rest in a textbook
in a classroom, in a school.

We'll end up in creases and creaks in
the chair at ten to 2 with misty eyes,
tired though they’ve seen shadows turn
to nights, streets to lamplight,
socks to feet at the bottom of bed sheets.

*I'm from red bricks and Hulme backstreet corners; Manchester born and Wakefield bound, stuck somewhere in between.
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I'd never tell you
that
I love the way you
hold me
(but I do).

I'd never tell you
that
your lips are imprinted
on mine.
(but they are).

I'd never tell you
that
when we lie in my bed
cuddled up
and the lazy sun rays caress
us
I try to match my
breathing with yours
(but I do).

I'd never tell you
that
I simply love
the way you absentmindedly
caress my arm
or leg
or shoulder
(but I do).

I'd never tell you
that
I love feeling
you heartbeat
because it's beautiful
to me
(but I do).

I'd never tell you
that
I sometimes wake up
at three in the morning
and need you
(but I do).

All I tell you
is
my messed up thoughts
and how broken I am
(and that you fixed me).

I'd never tell you
that
I love you
(but I do).
You were...
You were the love of my life, but in love with another.
and i galloped into the relationship with my "know better voice" undercover.
suppressed and muffled
i tangled a puzzle
and (deep sound of cigarette inhalation)
I set myself up for PURE pain and struggle.

(don't read the parentheses. Feel them)

T.S.
MOM
I never really knew
Just how much I needed you

You were my strength when I was unsure
You were my anchor, you taught me how to endure

You where my logic when I was confused
You gave me direction, you were my muse

Now you are gone and there are times I feel so alone
Nothing is the same, even this house doesn’t feel like home

I tell myself that you are still here with me
That if I close my eyes then I will see

That you are in my heart and you are in my soul
You will always be apart of me that I never have to let go

I love and miss you more than words can say
And the memory of you helps me make it through each day

I love you Mom!


© COPYRIGHT L. A, Anglin 2013
From a young age I knew
there was a man and a woman out there, complete strangers,
who were, biologically, my grandparents.
I knew my chances of meeting them were exactly zero to none.
The parents who took my dad home that day were his parents
And that was done.

Before me sat a grandmother, and the spirit of a grandfather passed,
who loved me more than any stranger-grandparent ever could
who was there for every dance recital, every holiday, every mistake, every success
who, though I bore no resemblance, watched me grow right before her eyes
who swore the Easter bunny left treats at her house for me--
even when I was beyond the years of belief.
Always wearing a  sweatsuit and gold stud earrings,
with an added neck-scarf and red lip for special occasions.
Telling tales of the "poor dear" animal she saw
Dead on the side of the road--
Sad enough, you'd think it was her own.
Church every Sunday and the shirt off her back,
Had you asked.

This woman I explain
Shares no blood, but, a surname.
I love her just the same
If not more
Than any grandmother
Genetics had in store.

She's a part of who I am,
though not in my DNA.
Nature versus Nurture:
Nurture wins again.
She taught me:
Strength, grace, humility, selflessness, generosity, and patience
Without sharing one biological thread
By example she lead
And I continue to follow
In her footsteps.
Grandparents' day is coming up. So I am left reflecting on my grandparents....
My father was adopted. It was always a strange concept that I had relatives out there that I didn't know-- that I could bump into a stranger on the street that kind of resembled me who could be my cousin or aunt, genetically. But blood doesn't mean much. My dad's mom was the perfect grandmother-- I don't think genetics could've done any better than her!
All the flowers of the spring
Meet to perfume our burying;
These have but their growing prime,
And man does flourish but his time:
Survey our progress from our birth—
We are set, we grow, we turn to earth.
Courts adieu, and all delights,
All bewitching appetites!
Sweetest breath and clearest eye
Like perfumes go out and die;
And consequently this is done
As shadows wait upon the sun.
Vain the ambition of kings
Who seek by trophies and dead things
To leave a living name behind,
And weave but nets to catch the wind.
 Sep 2013 Parker Smith
j
love is the kind of feeling you get
when your feet are struck by the rolling ocean
and your arms are wrapped around the boy you've always cared about
the feeling you get when your hands are hovering over a bonfire
                    and it looks so alluring, you want to touch it, wrap yourself in it, submerge your being
                    in all that it is
but you know that you can't
because it would hurt far too much

love is the greatest risk and the biggest comfort of all the world
it's a leap of faith and a step too far
it hurts
but you don't care
because its so
beautiful
 Sep 2013 Parker Smith
j
ten thousand ways to confess
how I feel
three little words I can't admit
to you
and these words have graced
the tip of my tongue
a countless amount of times
but the thought of them escaping
my debauched lips
sends shivers down my spine
and I don't think
that I'll ever understand
this whole great concept of love
but on some days I admit
I feel it so strong
like when the snowflakes fall upon your nose
and I kiss them off so lightly
and the way you smile
as the first cup of coffee
graces your elegant lips
and how your eyes light up
when you listen to those songs
                                  our songs
and it's how I feel when I'm with you
I love you
 Sep 2013 Parker Smith
j
if I think hard enough
and delve beyond the intoxication
of that friday night I can still remember
how your lips felt pressed against my own
and how your hands felt on my body
and how it felt to be tangled together
the clumsy mouths and stumbling hands
and
I fell for you
hard
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