every single thought
flowing through the river in my mind
leads to you
a voice mail I wish I had the guts to send
or a message I wish I had the courage to write to you
I cannot erase you in everything I see
all I can do is hope that you see me the way I see you
which is in every beautiful thing that crosses my path

I am selfish enough to want to get better
but i am backwards enough to not take any steps to get there.
I like the sound of Mozart in the morning
if your voice is unavailable.
I am willing to take a man
and hide him away in my pocket
as long as no one else can see him.
I am more than a human being
but less than a ship
because I can drown on command
but have no external survival devices for those around me when I'm gone.
I am like water
because I can slip through your fingers
but I am able to stay solid as long as I stay away from your lips.
I am like the sound you hear
in unbearable silence
driving away at your eardrums begging to be heard.
I am the branch accidentally tapping on your window
because he made me do it
and the Wind is a hard fellow to deny.
I am that three-leaf clover you mistook for a lucky one
so you split one leaf to make four
just to make others believe you've found something great.
I am the illusion of a father figure that your father should have been
although he is still here
and you have not found enough space in your heart for forgiveness.
I am the claw marks on your back after you've been ******
not by a man who loves you
but by a stranger who's sole purpose was to not let you get away.
I am composed of sweet smiles and sad eyes
of carbon monoxide
of unimaginable poisons and tales.
I am the fear of your future wrapped up in a bottle
I am the fear of your tomorrows molded gently into pink raised lines on your body
I am the fear of yourself suspended gracefully in the air disguised as smoke
but i am indefinitely known as the words you are afraid to speak
in fear that they might shatter.

All of the bottles were empty,
and so was she

no one knows how truly
and unconditionally sad
I am

I dreamt of you again today
The way you used to be
Back When the light would never leave your eyes
Back when you promised to never leave me.

I dreamt of you again today
my brain has yet to get the news
That I tell my heart every day
That I'm over you.

dew drop demons heavily falling off the leaves
                                                           then landing on my cheeks
                         where the absent of tears is present
electric strands twisting in the clouds
                                            making loud noises illuminating my face
                  and shaking loose the self knotted noose
the birds are calling to me,
                               chirping quietly watching with beady black eyes,
          responding to my cries and lamentations
as I fall to my knees, no longer running,
                                                                ­     ready  
                                                         ­      my wails turn into whimpers
as their wings began to whisper
                                  the raindrops start to quiver,
                                                              da­mpening my already worn skin
cuts from branches and thorns burn
                                             and my clothes are torn
I can hear them in the silence
                      as they take flight
             then gently land
in my hair and on my bare skin,
                                               their little claw like fingers grasp
I'm surrounded in sight by bright black wings
                                      circling my vision
                          they begin twisting into shapes I've never seen
               eradicating me
                                 and I go home,
                                                      painl­essly.

Rubbing our fists in our eyes
Until we see nebulas and galaxies
Our raptures
They are either all air or all fire
That certain madness we contain
Which rightly dominates
Our poetic brains
Shoving our thoughts back down
Our throats
Which always seem to surface
On paper later
Wandering off the edge of the world
Our hearts
They burn and destroy
Our words
Run down from the tops of our heads
And out from our thunderous and beating hearts
Often times
Our shadows
Seem more real than our distant bodies

And so again,
With these words
A tiny place we call sanctuary
This moment...
Like some great redemption