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  Jan 2015 James Nigh
Willow-Anne
"Always become the one being hurt
Rather than ever hurting another"
Words I have strived to live by
The philosophy left by my mother

I've always tried to live my life
Standing up for what is right
Helping others no matter the cost
Being everyone's shining knight

What a horrible way to live

Even when I was on the verge of breaking
Even when the burden seemed too large
I always took it onto myself
And it was always free of charge

They all need to pay

But lately there is this voice
Echoing from the back of my mind
That is always fighting to take over
It wants to punish the unkind

Maybe I don't want to forgive

Tell me who is that inside me
Those thoughts can't be my own
Even when there's no one around
Somehow I am not alone

Just let me come out and play

I'm trying to keep it at bay
Am I past the point of no return?
I JUST WANT THE VOICE TO GO AWAY
But.... *Now....it's my turn
I tried so hard to get this done before December was over :/
There goes the whole "post at least a poem a month for a whole year...."
Oh well.
ANYWAYS....this took a much darker/creepyer...twist than I originally intended....So....oops. sorry about that. I hope you all enjoy it though!!!!
This poem was inspired by the show Tokyo Ghoul....just...for the record. Anyways. Hope y'all like it.
James Nigh Jan 2015
i'm not sure if the walls are crumbling
or if the foundation is rising.

the last perfect metaphor was about my being a master solipsist

but as the wind gathers
i'm carried away
too easily.

and so are you
but it's unmentioned who puts up a bigger fight.

i've given up the struggle.

i've found a perfect place to hide
where the algorithms finally make sense.

and my lack of being wanted
finally cancels out my wanting to spend.
James Nigh Jan 2015
you hope i die.
i hope i die.

but God won't appease either of us.

my continuing disappointment is a gift
you can never return.

what you thought i could be
is a gift you'll never receive.

let us both pour more wine
for the lie that will always endure.
James Nigh Dec 2014
each in its own place.

we divide the constants by zero.

we were never good at math
but the revenge-cycle took it's toll.

1... 2... 3...
who is better?
you or me?

prove it by likeability.

the one who wants attention more wins.

but who wins The Game in the big picture?

i did everything right

and i will continue to do so
no matter how much it damns me.

it must mean something
somewhere.
James Nigh Dec 2014
i have no need for change.
it's meaningless to me (in most senses).

so i plop $6.24 (exact change) on the counter.
he throws pillows filled with guilt at me.
and i hurriedly leave as he's shouting threads of vitriol that could trap me there forever, with my bags of guilt (what else do i have?)

commuting home is easier now.
we stand on the backs of alligators.

brave men fit them for harnesses.

but it's all good here.
until a beautiful women steps out of her house.

nothing good can come from it.

my alligator lets me off at my house.

i only have to blow on the front door at a certain angle,
my shelter has been charred so many times;
touching it might make it collapse.

my house is the only one with no electricity or running water;
noone knows why.

but i've learned to improvise.

a man on the street once told me, "it's better to be adaptable than to have no need to adapt."

i asked him "why?" but he was gone.

i unload my haul of guilt next to my collection of desires; seems fitting.

no.
i'll have them pad the totem of regrets; it's much more delicate.
and maybe if i make them more comfortable, they'll stop haranguing me every night.

every evening the floor gives out, and worse, nothing to hold onto.
but while i'm falling, a fish hook  always finds it's way to my chest and sinks into my heart.
and i just dangle there for an hour or more ("where do i keep these things?").

the floor comes back (as it always does), frozen solid.
i don't know where it goes but it is not to the core of the Earth.

as per ritual, i'll give it painful fit of body heat;
i know where i'm sleeping tonight.

i don't get any visitors,
but if i did, i'd like them to be comfortable.
James Nigh Dec 2014
i see her.
she looks splendid.
i always loved denim on her.

then i see myself.
misshapen, cracked at all the right places.

who did this to me?

then i see her
and i want to reach out
but she doesn't need to be saved anymore.

i already did my time.

me - scraggly, unshaven, sober
and looking for someone to ****

someone used to temper me.
this i know.

when the whirlwind comes to me,
it will proceed.

'cause it sees i have nothing to lose.
James Nigh Dec 2014
it will either be  blaring trumpets and angels
or silence.

it will either be acceptance
or denial.

it will either be glorification
or damnation.

i will either be lost
or found.

1 of 2 things will happen.

and i'm not sure about either one anymore
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