the heart breaks
when it realizes separation is permanent.

first, to the stomach
then to the knees
to the toes
and finally into the ground.

i remember saying "leave me alone"
but i don't recall it being so static.

the permanence of it is what kills me.

i didn't mean what i said
or thought
or listened to.

but i realize i did.

and the fact that i realize
has me swimming
in petroleum jelly.

that will never heal wounds.

only hinder.

forever.

Hello, I'm nobody
I wish I could become someone
but I guess that won't happen
my minds exploded
damaged or dead making repair
Almost impossible

Again, like I said I'm nobody
so I guess no one will notice
If I take  myself away.
Not ending myself but shutting down
never Again to know the light of day

I said before I wish I was someone
people cared about
But I said before, I'm nobody
and that no one will ever doubt

I'm doing time inside of my own mind
Without the possibility of Parole.
Visitors prohibited,
Human contact limited;
And my soul is locked in the hole.

i don't mean to encumber you.

or devalue, diminish, degrade, debase, reduce, demean, humble, lower, cheapen, burden, saddle, inconvenience, ******, hinder, cramp, denigrate, belittle, deride, depreciate you, or shoot you full of holes.

it's genuinely not my intent.

i just really need you to go down with me

in flames

right now.

there was a light in her.

distant, but ******* BRIGHT.

so i followed it.
it was like a rainbow - the further i traveled, the farther it got.

but i was determined.
and so was she.

when i finally reached its end,
i was met by a man who claimed to be her current paramour.

i sought answers,
he exclaimed, "STRING HIM UP!!!"

4 others came out of the bushes
and grabbed my limbs,
but i fought hard.

i fought SO ******* hard!...

but they got the best of me,
empowered by her smiles from the balcony.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS??", i pleaded.

but i knew the answer.

i snored,
or looked at someone.

it was all in such a haze...

they carried out a case of empty wine bottles.

and smashed them.

threw the shards at my eyes,
and mouth.

then they started stringing me up.

the cross was made out of ex-lovers.

and every nail that went in,
as much as it pained me,
killed one of them.

i thought the gods would spare me
for a second.

but no.

my salvation won't be lollipops and rainbows.

it will be breaking of oaths
harsh silence
and torrential sacrifices.

instead of being forgiven,
i will still have to redeem myself.

it will be perfect diamonds
and black lung coal.

it will be all the things i've wanted

and everything i wish to avoid.

i will rise as fast as i fall,
but someone will be there to catch me this time.

it's just unknown yet if it will be angel
or demon.