that you're deemed irredeemable.

yeah, they loved the way you moved,
talked,
listened.

but it was the idea of you they were in love with.

not you personally.

but you keep on playing their games...
The game.

thinking there was a small victory in losing.

you're looking for someone as ****** up and damaged
as you.

now the only peace you find is in cats.

because they don't crucify you for their wrongs.

the world seemed simpler when it was linear.

now it's backed up and convulsing.
and you're finally at that point
when you realize charm isn't going to get you out of this one.

it left at the end of the last party
with the last of the girls.

everything's laughing at you now.
you knew they always were
but you had confidence.

but confidence was sleeping with charm.

are you getting it yet?

all the time you wasted is wasting on you now.

all the attention that had been paid
has now turned inversely.

every ounce of pain and faithlessness you delivered
has come back to you tenfold.

isn't that what you preached?

why have you not collapsed into a singularity?

i failed.

i left when she asked me to stay.
i stayed when she asked me to leave.

shot up when i knew better.
drank when i knew she would get mad.

worked too many jobs.
loved too much.

didn't teach.
didn't listen.

i failed at understanding the signals
when devotion got in the way.

when hedonism calls
don't answer.

it's never good news.

i could've made it work.
we could've made it work.

it's just that the logistics were irreprehensible.

i missed a call.
you made me late.

we were having too much fun.
i was having too much fun.

i don't know what you were having.

it surely wasn't in my future.
in any sense.

i failed at taking the right job.
the wrong job.

any job.

you were my biggest job.

the weather's gray.
so gray.

and now it comes.

the moment you should've known but were "too busy"

now it's here.

we burn.
and you cry.

but we've already been locked in our fate.

just go to sleep.

go to sleep.

she started it.

tokens of affection and promises of lifelong loyalty.

soon i started buying her things and it was already over.

the tennis bracelet will survive longer than either of us.

she killed me on a calm night
where i had forgotten any misgivings long ago.

now she has her pride intact again.

a double-win since i always think of her still.

one time we walked down the promenade,
a slight sea haze...

and i asked her if she was having any doubts.

and she assured me, "no".

but that was not to be.
lovers crawled out of the woodwork and harangued me every night.

the arguments i shouted back never held.
until finally i understood her logic.

i scared that beautiful, little, fragile thing.

and taught it "make the punishment 10 times worse than the crime".

i shouldn't have.
or i'd be alive right now.

it's lke burning,
then having liquid nitrogen poured onto what is left for the cure.

sure, it feels good for a moment (future absolvement), but.......

it's like freezing a leaf,
pulling all its veins out,
then throwing it in the river.

it's like being insanguinated
of all your work, loyalty and finally, blood.

but it is to never, NEVER be returned with revenge-infidelity.

now that would just be wrong, huh?

cuz a lover who's already tempted by betrayal doesn't get the memo.

so we start this vicious cycle
until it plays out.

or until one of us dies.

whichever happens first.

we almost brought it alive.

a flower, an icicle, a child?

what will be, will be.
it matters not what is deserved.

we brought the microcosm down
with thundering applause.

and in thinking of everyone else's salvation,
we never considered our own.

the mirror looks back once,
looks back twice,
then forgets you were ever there.

in the bouquet of roses was a daffodil.
it was the one that cut you,
and i regretted the purchase.

of all the boys you procured,
it was me that cut you.
and i regret the purchase.

"i think you want to leave."
"i want to stay."

"leave."

a female's logic is like no other -
it's like dividing 0 by purple.

but i felt something,
and it all came together.

"i don't want to die alone."
"neither do i, but i have to go."

my logic is frustrating at best -
like dividing 0 by sheet metal.

and every agreement i ever made
imploded on itself.

the villain hath no limit
when the victim has pride.

or the other way around...

i will dance on eggshells,
waiting for redemption.

but she'll rise from the earth,
and drag me to Hell first.

and i'll finally find a place to call home.

because i'm adaptable.