You left me in the cold,
to fade away while the snow melt.

Everything is so different without you here.
I miss those
Jumping frog legs.
Random laughing.
Yelling honey Im home just to mess with me.
Having the covers ripped off of  me and you telling me to get my lazy **** up.
Asking you how was work and you saying
same old **** just a different day.
Our long talks.
Our deep conversations.
Yet you are  not home
Its 3:46 in the morning and yet I feel as if time is going too slow
without you here.

Always be happy
Be brave
Care for yourself like you do others
Don't give up
Eventually you have to smile
Forget about your past just move on
Getting along with others can take patience
Hell, I mean heck "my bad"
Its gonna get worse before it gets better
Just yell if that's what you want to do
Keep friends close to your heart
Love unconditionally
My moods are moods its just another thing
Nobody can make you happy but you
Open your mind to new things
Please have hope
Quit you're winning ! Just kidding it helps
Run the pain away
Stay away from thinking
Tomorrow will be better
Understand how people feel
Venting is a great stress reliever
Why hold in your emotions?
X-ray your heart every once in a while
Yell even more loud if you feel like it and be you, never change for anyone else
Zapperoni i'm gone !!!

As soon as I opened my eyes it hit me.
The unbearable feeling.
I climbed out of bed and got ready
I tried not to make it obvious I was in pain.
Not physically but mentally.
I tend to hide this emotion away.
I tell myself put on your face and hide it away.
If only it was that easy.
In reality hope is what is needed for me to
get through my days.

At first everything seems so sweet
then life hits and that's when it becomes sour.
You got what you wanted a broken heart in your
hand and you just squeeze whenever you feel like it.
That's people for you.

The day I saw you is the day I became me.
Now I can share my feelings without being scared,
And now I don't have to have a fear of being alone
I no longer have thoughts of pain, just ones of how much fun we have.
And it makes my heart fill with great joy
Our bonded love as friends is unbreakable.
It's great to have someone who cares, finally a
Best Friend.

Pour me another drink.
Im tired of this life.
Everything has gone to a pile of ****.
Bartender will you listen to my whines?
Bartender what time will you be closing?
I already see the sun shining through the ***** glass windows.
I dont want to leave.
Life for me is misery right now.
Ive felt like ive been driving on a dirt road for too long.
Its time for me to go
I repeat in my head as I stumbled out into the world to
face another blurry day.

Today I dragged my body around
down the halls
trying to make it through the day.
People opening gifts all around me and
smiling.
It made me feel so unhappy.
After that mess me and a friend jumped in our car
rode down to the ice cream shop
and started ordering our ice cream.
When I was ordering the person kept looking at me.
The person shocked me by saying
"You look very beautiful today by the way".
A stranger I didn't even know complimented me.
It made me smile.
I don't know your name
but if you are on here you made my day.
Thank you for saying it randomly.
Beautiful... I haven't been called that randomly in a while
what a great day it turned out to be.
-beautiful- what a great word to say.

Stuck between
being happy
and being sad.
Not knowing which way to go,
being stuck in the middle,
is the worse feeling of them all.

When I look in the mirror
I see a thing that's not even
there.
The thing is evil
it continually taunts me,
picking and pulling at certain
things.
It controls every thought
about me.
This is this and
that is that
why cant I just be me ?
Evil thing, go away !
If only it was that
easy.

I've had dreams*
that I wasn't this way
that my world wasn't crumbing around me.
That I was okay.
That I didn't have so much fear of pain.
That I could fly far away to not face
everything.
I don't know what to say anymore.
Pathetic I know.

You know what I just saw?
It was supposed to be our movie
I remember when we saw the commercial
We instantly looked at each other and said
"That's gonna be our movie"
We couldn't help but smile
Now its out
You're not here
Its making me feel as if I gave up
On our years.
Dear you do you see what I feel?
I'm starting to feel empty
Without you here.

Give me the strength to stand up
for I am falling down,
way too hard.
Everyone is the same.
Nobody wants to help.
So I stand by myself.
What I needed to learn a long time ago
is to not depend on
anyone.
I depended on the wrong people.
Even if blood is thicker than water,
you all hurt me.
You ****** me off.
Get out of my face.
I cant depend on you no more.
You're are all toxic.
All of you.

Last night in my dream the world was okay.
Last night in my dream everything was different.
When I woke up
I had to face the real world.
Sometimes our dreams have a way of messing with our
head.
It messes with our head so much that we wish that they would
come true.

For the first time in a while
I ate a sandwhich and let me tell ya
it was the best sand which I ever had.
Little things... Make me happy.

Bipolar.
In a few short ways it can be described as
insane,
overdramatic, and
taking everything way too seriously.  
It controls your brain.
Makes you confused as hell.
Not knowing what to do is even worse.
Bipolar disorder takes a hold of your life
and uses it wherever and whenever it can.
Bipolar disorder gets to your head.
Its literal hell,
unless you do something about it.
No matter how much you wish it would just go away
but it wont and that is the hardest part about it.
Its an emotional train wreck.

You fit in my palm
your so meek.
Its sad I could crush you
without even trying.
Your suppose to be strong.
Your suppose to be a listener.
Your suppose to be a fighter.
But most importantly your suppose to be there for me.
Where are you?
Where have you gone?
Are you in that deep dark hole once again?
Are you struggling?
Will you come back this time?
I have my doubts.
This women thats taken over your body
is not you.
You are not my mother.
You've become my enemy.

I miss you guys
my family.
I miss my best friend.
I miss my parents.
I miss my mom and dad.
I miss the way we used to be.
I miss your laugh.
I wish I could be happy.
I don't know how.
Its 2:30 in the morning and all I hear is
yelling.
I miss me.
I miss the way we used to be.
All I have is nobody.
I am *******.
This room is a fight free zone
if only you could understand what that
means.

Hope
opens
passages to new
experiences.

Life is no fairy tale sweetheart!
Even though we try and find our princes and princesses  
they are surely hard to find!
Life is about magical things don't waste
your time!
Try and find the good in a persons soul
whether rich or poor.
Also
Remember to not always depend.
Be confident.
Never give up on yourself or this world.
Make wishes and hold on to them.
Keep hope.
Make life fun.
Welcome to this
magical horrible beautiful thing
called life...

Forget those people who make you feel
unworthy.
Forget the pain just for a day.
Forget all the sadness just for awhile.
If it helps scream.
LOUD.
Forget all of the *******, and block out
this horrible world and stay a while
with me.

We stick together.
Me and you like
butter and bread,
pencil and paper,
dresses with flats.
Your my best friend.
I love you so.

Enjoy all the days in this life.
Even those painful ones.
Please remember there is always another
day.
Put your pain in frames and hang it up
and walk away.
Try to be happy just for one day.
I know its not that easy but
at the end of the day
you will feal as if everything is going to be
okay.

Funny how I'm replaced just like that,
with the snap of a finger.
It makes me laugh.
Its kind of sad how
3 WORDS can change so easily.
The only thing that makes me laugh is
it shouldn't happen to me.
God I am mad and sad I wish you would see
how its not funny to treat me like I have no dignity.

I'll be the old lady with a bunch of grand babies.
I'll be the old lady who wants a young man because in all honesty that's how my mother is. Mother like daughter.
I'll be the old lady the younger children spread rumors about.
I'll laugh at em.
I'll be the old lady who becomes senile and yells at the nurse saying where are my cigs?
Theyll probably make me quit.
But when I think about all this ****,
it makes me smile.
Life sounds more exhilarating then it does now.

Happiness is a far away place.
Its a whole world away.
I wish you and me could go on a rocket
and never look back.
But we dont have enough gas.

Today I feel free.
All through the day I've felt bright.
Keeping my thoughts at ease.
Every time I close my eyes, I feel alright.

Maybe its because I am happy
Even though I know it wont last today is the day to be happy.

Although I may seem sad, i'm happy
Worries in my head have floated away
Any day I get to smile is a great day to me.
Yes finally I am okay I feel okay I feel no pain in my heart i'm finally free.

As time goes on.
I look back and regret too many
things.
Im too strong to fall behind,
stumble and fall.
To become numb.
I wanna feel the pain.
I wanna feel love.
I wanna smile, naturally.
I can't depend on anyone but me
in order to fill in the check marks on my wanna list.
I never trusted myself,
but now I know I'm my only friend,
to hold
to support
to love.
I gotta keep my head up.

I guess that feeling has come back to me.
What happened
I thought I was supposed to be happy.
Maybe my supposed happiness
was all just a major
lie.
I convince myself at night that its not
but what if it is
What am I to do then?
My heart feels like its going to break at
any given moment.
Can you tell me why?
My happiness feels like a knife at times.
Sometimes its dull. Then its sharp.
This happiness has only been temporary.
Its like I tug on my own heart.
I guess I am my own heartbreaker.

When life knocks us down,
we tend to worry a lot.
We feel stuck.
We have not a clue what to do.
What we should do is look up,
maybe we will find some help there.
Who knows.

How can anyone love me
when I dont even love
myself.

Are you coming?
Will I have to stand here long?
My legs are starting to **** me.
Were are you?
Were can you be?
Come save me,
I'm hanging off the branch
of this tree.
Its about to snap in three.
Come save me from this catastrophe.
My hands are shaking.
God ******!
I knew you wouldn't save me.
Clench your wrist I say.
Clench em!
I'm not letting go of this branch.
Even if it kills me.

I don't want to be
the person that
everyone only has a memory of.
I don't want to be the girl who
sleeps all day
and doesn't at night.
I don't want to lay in bed
waiting for something to happen
I want to be happy but
I don't know how.
How can I when I have been this way
for so long.
I finally faced the world
and my reality hit me.
I'm so past comfort.
Therapy isn't even going to help me.
But I need it.
I need my reality to be the way it was.
When I was happy.
Maybe it will change even if its at a slow pace
**I am ready.

If there is a god answer my
prayers.
If there is a god what did I
do to deserve all of this?
If there is a god could he hear
my prayers and answer then
for me.
Please.
If you're there can you
at least be there for me,
so I'm not alone in this
world.
If there is a god I want to know
why all of this is happening
to me.

If you ever go through a broken heart
and feel as if you have no one
Always remember I love you no matter
what.

Please do your deed and not
Run from me.
Our friendship means so much to me.
My head is filled with insanity
I need you to rid these thoughts in my head and keep me
Sane from all of my
Emotional pain when your around I feel
So at ease, so please promise to stay with me.

I love you so
Much that it physiologicaly
hurts.
I wish I could take all your pain away.
Out of everyone on this earth
you my dear deserve to be happy.
I just want you to know that without a doubt that
I love you dearly.

Promises broken by individuals
we love is what hurts
the most.

A is a man,
a good friend of mine.
But can I tell you a secret?
I think he's lost his mind.
From the way he talks to his narcissistic act.
A is an Australian man.
A is an ******* and a quick thinker.
A likes my pictures.
A is my friend.
I love him.
Quite a lot actually.
It's silly.
It is what it is I guess.
I hope he comes back to me.
Time will tell. Won't it?