Yesterday that's all I managed to do.
Scream.
I didn't know what else to do.
It felt like the pain was there
even when I didn't think about
it.
When I was screaming I realized
that maybe all that happened
was my breaking point.
If I didn't scream I cried.
I cried till I couldn't cry
anymore, then fell asleep.
But when I woke up
even though I stopped I could
still pick up the sound of
sadness.

Dragging the jacket behind me,
I'm covering up my tracks now.
Good bye cruel town.
I hope to never come back.

As soon as I opened my eyes it hit me.
The unbearable feeling.
I climbed out of bed and got ready
I tried not to make it obvious I was in pain.
Not physically but mentally.
I tend to hide this emotion away.
I tell myself put on your face and hide it away.
If only it was that easy.
In reality hope is what is needed for me to
get through my days.

Im just temporarily sick.
I have to remember that.
In order to push through what I'm going through I must be
strong.
I must not be a coward and cry,
I must hold my head high
and not hang it down low.
This is temporary,
it's not a **** commitment.
But its still not the point.

Enjoy all the days in this life.
Even those painful ones.
Please remember there is always another
day.
Put your pain in frames and hang it up
and walk away.
Try to be happy just for one day.
I know its not that easy but
at the end of the day
you will feal as if everything is going to be
okay.

Love what a funny little game
we choose to play.
Why do we continually play it?
Well because in the end we feel as if we will win.
Which is not always the case.

Once upon a time
it felt like a little awhile ago
there was a girl who wasn't afraid of
tomorrow.
She wanted tomorrow to come.
She couldn't wait.
Now she fears the tomorrows.
She has this fear that nothing is
going to ever be okay.
She's the girl who cant imagine tomorrow.
She no longer has much hope.
If only it was different.
She misses the way it used to be.

Let's fly
far far away,
and never look back.

Misery loves company.
You attract what you want,
but keep it away from me.

Lookin around I see
three things.
junkies,
******,
and thief's.
Is my life always going to be like this?
Filled with lies and greed,
Its hard to change my atmosphere
when its hard to breath.

Today I dragged my body around
down the halls
trying to make it through the day.
People opening gifts all around me and
smiling.
It made me feel so unhappy.
After that mess me and a friend jumped in our car
rode down to the ice cream shop
and started ordering our ice cream.
When I was ordering the person kept looking at me.
The person shocked me by saying
"You look very beautiful today by the way".
A stranger I didn't even know complimented me.
It made me smile.
I don't know your name
but if you are on here you made my day.
Thank you for saying it randomly.
Beautiful... I haven't been called that randomly in a while
what a great day it turned out to be.
-beautiful- what a great word to say.

I'm gonna lay down in bed
and look at the ceiling and try
to forget about you people for a little while.
I know its going to be almost impossible.
You all broke my heart.
Even though I know I broke all of yours too.
I wanna forget about everybody in the world.
PEOPLE caused me pain...
Don't worry though after I lay down I will ignore all of the things
and try to drift off to sleep.

She's down to earth,
what am I?

My heart keeps leaping back to you
but you wont grasp it.
Dont leave me here standing to face the world alone.
My heart would break without you and her.
I feel so low.
Just say you love me.
Everyday I feel as if you wont ever come back home together.
I feel so lonely
it drives me crazy.
Come back home to me
SOON.

As time goes on.
I look back and regret too many
things.
Im too strong to fall behind,
stumble and fall.
To become numb.
I wanna feel the pain.
I wanna feel love.
I wanna smile, naturally.
I can't depend on anyone but me
in order to fill in the check marks on my wanna list.
I never trusted myself,
but now I know I'm my only friend,
to hold
to support
to love.
I gotta keep my head up.

Though* life has given me lemons
I have used them wrongly.
Though life is a blessing it can also be a curse.
Though I feel sad I will try and appreciate life
itself.
Though I am more negative than positive I never intended on being that way.
But through all of these harsh feelings
I kept going.
No more grudges.
No more negativity.
No more curses.
One thing I can say through all of this confusion is
**I will make a positive outcome this I promise.

I'm not a churchy girl.
I wish I could be.
Wake up every Sunday morning,
brush my hair get dressed,
and go to the house of god.
Maybe then he would be there
for me more.
But I believe,
worshipping god doesn't have to be
in a designated place at a designated time.
So no I won't be one of those preachers wife's.
But its fine by me,
because at the end of the day
god holds me in his arms
and walks me through the sand.
I am a child of God.
I believe he loves all and watches.
So mean what you say before you comment about
"Churchy people".

Everyday I repeat in my head
"Keep going, everything will get better".
I try not to give up on
myself.
It gets hard each and every day.
Trying to move along.
Everyone around me goes so slow.
I feel as if I'm going to
pass out.
My heart goes a million miles an hour.
Then I repeat in my head that little quote.
"Keep going, everything will get better".
I just hope I don't start to doubt.

One day I'll realize there's a greater plan for me.
But until then I'm stuck in this quick sand that's taking me in quickly.
I'll just struggle until I make it.
Be a big girl.
On my own.

I twirl into you,
grab your hand,
you let it go.
Guess you don't want to dance.

People have a way of swallowing me up
with out me even realizing it.
I have to change my life
look straight ahead and not side to side.

I was starving.
I ate expired meat.
And now I'm sick.
Food poisoning.

All the bad boys.
All the fake thugs.
All the bad drugs.
All the chances.
All the hopes.
All the dreams.
All the classes.
All the glasses.
All the nights alone.
All the papers.
All the nights wishing.
All the nights wanting.
All the times tossing and turning.
All the beauty.
It's seemed to peek out more lately.
All the love.
The Miami boy.
All the boxes.
All the cars.
All the chances.
All the changes.
Ive seen the sun.
All the sunsets.
All the day dreams.
All the times I wish you could've been mine.
All the relapses.
All the triggers.
All the mistakes.
But this is me.

One thing after another
Can't be simple,
or positive.
Why?
Why are you like that?
I'm so tired of it.
You say you want what's best for me,
yet your not helping.

Everybody seems to forget what ive sacrificed.
Things,
Money,
even feelings.
Its a sad cruel world.

We don't realize what we have done wrong.
Until its to late.

You'll miss me.
You took me for granted.
I took you for granted too.
I'll never miss you.
Ever.

There aren't any changes,
besides the fact I wish I felt
alive.
I'm breathing,
yet I already feel dead.
There aren't no changes
cause I keep going back to the same ****.
Day after day I'm sitting and waiting for the change but all that comes is the dwell
in the night.
Well honey,
there aren't no changes.

You left me in the cold,
to fade away while the snow melt.

I'll never have a love.
Like you.
Your a rare breed.
Too hard to find.
It was nice.
Now its gone.
Now I see.
How cruel love is,
towards me.

She stands and moves
at the same time.
She feels as if the world is slow.
She doesn't know what to do.
Anxiety takes a hold of her life.
She is a captive to her own self.
She no  longer can escape.

At first everything seems so sweet
then life hits and that's when it becomes sour.
You got what you wanted a broken heart in your
hand and you just squeeze whenever you feel like it.
That's people for you.

Parting causes me pain
I wish I could rewind time and make everything
alright.
Without you I feel as if I am falling apart.
We weren't supposed to end up leaving each other.
I just want to hear you say it over and over again.
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
I knew it wasn't going to be easy for us to part.
But maybe we will make it back to the start in time
to see each other once more.
To be best friends.
To have each other once again.

Ive struggled with who I am,
for a good minute.
The beautiful intelligent friend of mine,
has lost her mind.
I might be going home soon.
I'm not addicted I swear.
I just miss them.
Well maybe I miss you too.
Who knows.
Who cares.
These are just blabs
that happen in the middle of the night.

For the first time in a while
I ate a sandwhich and let me tell ya
it was the best sand which I ever had.
Little things... Make me happy.

I wish I could leave this town.
Its cursed.
I'm stuck and have been for years.
Too many drugs.
Too many bad people.
I'm sick of being here.

Misery keeps coming back to me.
I couldn't even tell you why.
Misery why are you so obsessed with me?
What do I have to do to make you go away?
What did I do to deserve this?
Misery why don't just leave me alone
so I could just be happy.

Why would I clean a house,
that wasn't even mine?
Listen lady I don't care.
I'm too depressed to clean your ****.
So why would I?

Time goes by and I sit in the chair
every day waiting for you to walk through
the door.
The hardest goodbye's are the goodbye's left unsaid.
I know them all too well.
But I cope.

Sometimes I wish I was as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.

Just incase people dont know
God dont pick favorites.
You just got more luck obviously than the man you sit next to.

I wonder if your awake.
I wonder if your alone.
I wonder if your listening to music.
I wonder if your so tired you can hardly keep your eyes open.
I wonder when your gonna be my friend again.
I wonder if your smoking a CIG.
I started the bad habit of it.
I wonder if your wondering about me.
Probably not.
I'm probably not even in your dreams.

I love you
I hate you
I miss you
but I don't.
But maybe I do.
But I'm tired of living in the past.
Its time to move on.
To let go.
No more nightmares about you.
No more dreams about us.
Because its done.
Its faded.
Its over.
Its gone.
For the first time I'm tranquil about that.

Happiness is a far away place.
Its a whole world away.
I wish you and me could go on a rocket
and never look back.
But we dont have enough gas.

Beneath the dead leaves laid a
branch waiting for its chance
to be seen.

Sometimes when I dream
I wish I could live there
and never leave
reality bites.