As i awake to this new day
The cold and damp outside
I'm thankful for the roof and walls
That from the weather they divide

My aching bones scream at me
But remind me I can feel
I open my eyes to the sun
And roll out of bed to kneel

Thank you Spirit for all that I have
For my sight, my health and my life
Thank you for my family and friends
For the love I have in this life

Thank you for the trials
And the pain as well I've endured
For without the bad as well
I wouldn't recognize the good

For all of this and so much more
I offer thanks today
But live my life in gratitude
To show it every day

November 24, 2016

I look in the mirror
And all that I see
Is a wrinkled old woman
Staring back at me
Skin sagging in places
That once were firm
My hair turning gray
Each one I have earned
When I look in my eyes
I see happiness and youth
Dancing sparkles of light
The symbol of my truth
For though time has ravaged
My skin and outer frame
The little girl inside me
Had never lost her flame
She dances in the moonlight
Marvels at the world
Shows love to every soul she meets
With open arms unfurled
The laughter in those eyes still glows
And shows the world that sees
That though age has taken my body
It will never take away me

Lost in a glen
Dark and dank
When will I return?
My soul is wandering
To a place unknown
What do I need to learn?
The branches of trees
Dig into my flesh
Ripping away my pride
The horrors of the ruined depth
May lead me to my demise
I feel my ego
Becoming twisted and bent
Showing me what I serve
Will there be anything left?
Or am I getting what I deserve?
The winds of hate are cold and worn
As they are blown away from me
My heart feels weak
But suddenly whole
What happened to the pieces in me?
Way down deep
In the core of my soul
I see a tiny light
So small at first I could not see
Because I would not give in to the fight
Years of calluses
Fall from my eyes
And at last I could see
The mirror imagine of my soul
That was never meant to be

December 21, 2016

When this life is gone
And I am no longer here
Who will carry on
To help dissipate your fears?
Who will hold you when you hurt
When  your soul needs to be shared
Who will help you know
That I am still here?
I walk with you in your heart
I lay with you in bed
I hold you when you cry
I’m with you till the end
I’ll be there when you cross
On to the other side
Forever with you my love
I’ll walk right by your side
Do not cry when I leave this world
For I’ll always stay with you
How could I leave you all alone
Until your life is through?
For love will last until
Eternity is gone
I’ll forever be with you
Until your day’s are done

March 29, 2016

I wish I could reach inside you
Let us become one
So you could see, feel, taste
All that I am
I want you to see what I see
When I look into your soul
Feel the way my heart skips a beat
Every time I hear your voice
I want you to taste
The essence of who you are to me
Maybe then....
You would understand the depth
Of the love I have for you
And all that goes with saying that.
The respect, the awe of
knowing someone like you.
Of the joy I feel when you
make me laugh...or cry
by the words you say to me.
Of the pictures you paint
in the caverns of my mind.
And you love me!
All of me. 
What a gift you are.
A blessing beyond belief
Now my life is complete.
I love you.

March 26, 2016

I'm lost in a world of my own design
Withered and ravaged with pain

Locked inside my own mind
Soiled and torn..and stained

Unable to breathe, unable to cope
In a place I was born too late

Afraid of what may happen to me
Of what will be my fate

Memories tear away at my soul
Like claws of a demons hand

The little child inside of me
Withers away like sand

Into myself deeper I crawl
Hiding my eyes to the truth

The little child inside of me
Was taken in my youth

The tattered shreds that once were her
Are tear stained, ***** and gray

There is no hope of finding her
She was victim to the prey

Inside the prison walls of my soul
I throw away the key

For when they tore away the child
They destroyed me

June 17, 2017

It's been a year.
A soul wrenching
Heart ripping year
I find myself at times
Wishing
You were still part of this earth
Yet.
To have you here
In the pain you were in,
Not knowing what you were worth
Would be selfish,
And more painful for you
Than this.
I know you are free
And send signs you are here
With me.
When I cry
I can feel you hug me tight
And whisper to me
Mom, it will be alright
Then a feather you leave
Right by my feet
Where I sit on the porch
To feel you with me
I know you had
your own journey
Your own plan
But to know the pain
You were living in,
And peace you could not attain
Is what I grieve
the most these days.
To know your child
Was so lost that he died
Is more than I can bear
Please forgive me
For not seeing thru
To your agony and despair
I know I couldn't fix you
I know I did my best
But the mother in me
Doesn't believe the rest
I wanted to save you
From yourself
I wanted you...
To want to, too.
I pray in the next life
Your journey is calm
Your soul is free
And as peaceful as a psalm
So journey on
My beautiful son
I'll love you
Until the last setting sun❤️

July 12, 2016

My heart cries out for you today
I feel as if you went away
I see you , though it's not the same
I'm afraid it's the end of the game
I opened my heart a little too much
Let you in where no one had touched
Guess I read the message wrong
And now I feel as if you have gone
I hope it's just my foolish mind
And in your heart soon I will find
My friend as always standing true
Forever always loving you.

August 12, 2012

Can't you hear my screams
Within the whisper of my words?
Or my growing absence
In life and in the world?
Can't you tell I'm dying
By the words I never speak
Or that you never see me
Or do you think I'm weak?
Can't you tell?
My mind is killing me?
He's there in every breath I take
In everything I see
Can't you tell...
Or do you refuse to see?

July 1, 2017

I lie awake with silent dreams
A forgotten lovers touch
A story it so often seems
A lost memory to hush
Love songs of another time
Dance upon the wind
Taking me to where they be
A lost memory to lend
A heartbreak and a bleeding tongue
Of words and promises dead
Take me to another time
A lost memory to spend
Another lover waits for me
The broken time does bend
Forgotten is the pain of past
A lost memory to mend.

May 21, 2012

Soul is burning
Heart on fire
My wings
Have finally unfurled
Eyes are open
My heart is too
To take on this world
No holding back
No running away
Step off the edge
Fly from the sway
Freedom awaits
From the cage
I've been in
Today is my day
And I'm going to WIN!

April 17, 2016

Heart beats once
And beats twice
Never hateful
Always nice
Hides behind
Memories past
Takes away
Then makes it last
Darkness falls
Inside the room
Nothing shines
Only gloom
Heart beats once
Then fades away
Opens only
To the day
Tries to love
But cannot free
The burning hatred
Inside of me
Heart beats once
Then beats twice
Always  hateful
Never nice.

June 17, 2012

I keep most of it inside
This utter darkness I fight each day
The tortured demons I hold at bay
Knowing one day they will escape
Their feathered claws
Rip at my soul...try to destroy my heart
Crawl into my mind and speak
Of memories torn and bleak
And take me back to the start.
The little child, who's innocence was torn
When her mind became twisted and bent
On stories of love, but actions without consent
The darkness creeps in, with images of
The moment it all took place.
And the broken child inside of me,
Runs to hide her face.
Then the pain, in reaping waves
As the memory of abuse is found
The tortured demons laugh at me
As they toss the memory around
Fists of fury swing at me
From every direction and space
Bruises form and streams of blood
covering my face
I see the demons' eyes, filled with fire and rage
Switch to the face of my abuser
As each punch lands in its place.
I try to push it all away
To bring back in some light
The demon whispers in my ear
"My dear, we own the night.
No relief will come to you...
Until the sun does rise.
Until then, my dear, I own your mind.
So sit back, and enjoy the ride ".

September 17, 2018

Body is broken
Bruised and worn
Wrinkles
Beginning to form
Heart has bandages
Holding it in place
Hair is gray
Lines in my face
My love is true
To the very core
Kind and giving
And real
See past the
Outer shell of me
Our love will be unreal.
I may not be in model form
My body isn't my soul
The life inside
Is still ablaze
Ready ...and whole
I'll love you till
The end of time
Take care of you
Push or shove
Just give this
Broken girl a chance
Rest easy
......In my love

April 17, 2016

Shining down
Shining bright
Shining on me
Through the night
Watching, waiting
Holding me near
Keeping me safe
From all that I fear
Guarding the night
From evil and fray
Helping prepare me
For another day
Light of Love
Keep me safe
Clean my heart
Of any hate
For your love
Is all I desire
To show to the world
In lesson or fire
Shining Love
Shining Bright
Keep me safe
All through the night

11/21/15

Twinkling starlight
In the night
Carry my words
To the morning light
Keep me humble
In all I do
Remembering always
My debt to you
Teach me love
That never parts
Teach me to stay
True to my heart
Show me the way
Of kindness and truth
Gratitude and faith
The ways of my youth
Open my mind
My heart and my soul
Teach me to pray
Return me to whole
That when the day comes
I find my one love
I will be ready to give him
My love from above

April 26, 2016

Broken dreams, lies undone
Ends a fight where no one won
Empty promises left behind
I turn away, but not unkind
A future love there will not be
A lonely life is left for me
Never tomorrow will I run
Away from this or  memories shun
For never will I be alone
In rising moon or setting sun
Another's heart my love will hold
And cry for me, for years untold
Your loss, my gain forever see
A better life waits for me.

June 3,  2012

I know I have no right to you
I can't even ask you to consider me.
I wait in silence, knowing you have decisions to make,
but not wanting to influence them.  
Those decisions have to be yours.  
It is hard being silent.
I want to tell you how I feel.
I want to show you the kind of life you could have.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to experience love.
A true pure love.
An unselfish love,
that wants nothing except to share life with you.
I want to show you that everything you ever thought it could be...can.  
I want so bad to give that to you.
I know in a way it is a little selfish.
Because I know in giving it to you, it will also give to me.
I have it in me.
I have tried to give it away before, yet no one would take it.
No one would embrace it, like I know you would.
But I must wait.
And if you never decide to take the risk, then I will remain as I am.
A friend, always a friend....who will hold you in her heart for eternity.

August 5, 2012

When morning comes
I shed a tear
For you are gone
No longer here
You leave when dreams
Fade away
When the dawn
Breaks the day
I walk alone
When awake
Yearning inside
My love you will take
I count the hours
Until darkness falls
When sleep will come
And dreams will call
Back in your arms
Once again
Where I wish to be
Until the end

September 3, 2012

Yesterday was lonely
Full of empty dreams and space
Not knowing where my life was going
If I’d ever leave this place
I moved along thru each day
A zombie without a clue
Barely noticing the world around
Barely making it thru
There was no color to my world
No purpose… or plan
Nothing to motivate my life
No energy…..no I can
Then one day quite by fate
I met you in a room
Gently, softly, quietly at first
You pulled me from my tomb
Opened up my heart to grace
Took me by the hand
Spoke romantic words to me
Helped me out of the sand
That was holding back from moving on
Keeping me stuck in life
Guiding me safely to a place
Of wonderment and rife
Now we walk hand in hand
To the wonderment of our dreams
Moving forward step by step
Together as a team
Our future holds promise now
Faith will bring us there
To the place we dream about
where our love will always fare
You are my love….my dream come true
My future now holds no fear
Walking by you side by side
Our course has now been cleared

March 31, 2016

Once again
I’ve jumped the fence
To quickly to let it be
My heart is so lonely
And empty inside
That is all I could see
From the very start
We talked as if
We’d always been friends
But too fast the pace
Too quickly revealed
That this was going to end
I never meant to hurt you
I don’t want to make you cry
But I’m afraid that this is it
And I have to say goodbye
The purpose we
Were brought this way
Was not for love as I’d thought
But to help you see
What is within
Something that can’t be bought
you have the strength
to see it through
and do what needs to be done
make a change
to pursue your dreams
and make them all your own
I cannot travel this way with you
Distance between is too far
But I will watch as you become
A beautiful rising star

April 8, 2016

I see the pain inside you,  and there is nothing I can do
I know I'm part of what hurts your heart
But I can't give relief to you
You need to search inside yourself
And find a way to fight
A way to put the past in the past
And leave it there for life
You must unchain yourself
From the pain of your past
If you are ever to live free
Fight your way
Back to the place
That you truly want to be
You have the strength within you
To take the first step to heal
To reach out your hand and ask for help
Tell God how you feel
Know my child you are but human
And mistakes are a part of you
Leave them behind you and move ahead
Start your life anew
The pain of your past cannot hurt you
If you leave it where it belongs
Take the step and move ahead
Upward, and onward.  Be strong.


February 8, 2015

My blood feels like razors flowing thru my veins
Their sharpness cutting into my soul
Every breath breaks my bones
Threatening to pierce my heart
I beg for death, for the pain to stop
For the voices inside to ease
Screaming at the top of their lungs
To cut and let them bleed
The darkness gets darker
Creeping into each space
One day I'll look for her
And she'll be lost to all grace
The child inside that screams to die
Will be gone, without a trace

Sept 20, 2016

My body and soul ache
And long for the touch of another
Skin hungry...I've heard it called
Does our spirit start to die
When we no longer love?
Or is it just stalled?
I need to be awakened
To be alive again
To share my love with you
For if I don't, I'm afraid that I
May wither away, shrivel and die
And lose all that is new
I'm afraid that we  will never meet
That the love in me will starve
Never knowing your touch
Why are souls that long to be
Placed so far apart?
Is wanting you in my life asking too much?

March 25, 2018

Staring at the ceiling
Wishing sleep would come
Can't keep my mind from wondering
What has happened to our home?
The words that come from you
Are angry and full of hate
What happened to saying you love me
Being my partner and my mate?
The more pain you are in
The more problems that arise
The more you shut me out
And turn away from my eyes
I don't know how to reach you
You bury yourself inside
Shutting out the world around
You run away and hide
We all are damaged to some degree
Some to the core of our souls
It is your choice to set it free
Or let it take control
If you do not fight to truly live
Even in the midst of pain
You will lose your soul completely
And never get it back again
Let go of the things you cannot change
Take care of the things you can
Appreciate all God has given you
Take comfort in His hands

August 25, 2016

The color has been stripped from the world
In shades of black and gray
I watch the world move away.
Screams of hatred fill the space
As others move out of line, or slow down the race.
"You are unworthy, to eat, to drink, to live!"  
"You are everything I am not, how dare you ask me to give!"
The rich get richer, as the poor die away.
Money and greed are now the way
Doors locked at night, with secrets behind
People walk past, as if they are blind
Streets lined with homeless, most veterans of war
"Don't ask me for help, or knock on my door!"
Children are hurt, some left to die.
Emotions are rare, not many cry.
Or hurt for those who don't have enough
Or don't have it in them to always be tough.
We look down on them as burdens, not fair
Instead of lending a hand, learning to share
The values we preach, are seldom carried through
We have forgotten we are one. You are I, and I am you.

Take care of each other.

September 2, 2018
Pamela Penta

I'm writing this tonight, with such pain in my heart,
There I go.....I think I'm going a little crazy.....
I see you at night, Even as you were here
There I go, I think I've gone a little mad.
I close my eyes and I can hear you breathing...
There I go, I think I'm a little more than sad.

I feel the pieces of you slipping away
And all that was good in me too
I feel like running away, but I don't know where I'd hide
All I want to do, is to be with you.

I can't let anyone know how I feel
For they'd take you way from me for good
I don't think I could lose you forever
Because without you I'm no good.

I can't seem to find the thread
That leads me back to my mind
I'm afraid I may lose it as well
And the result will not be kind

For if I lose the final thread
That leads me back to me
How will I find my way back
If they take you away from me.

There you go, I think I'm just a little more than sad.

My soul is naked, open to you
More open than I’ve ever been
Can I trust you not to break
My heart that’s buried within?
Do you feel the way I feel
Do you wish the same
As the future I seek for us
Or is it just a game?
I want to hold you in my arms
To know that you are real
Seems that time will never come
To show you how I feel
I’m trying to be patient
Though it’s wearing very thin
I’ve waited all my life for you
When will the waiting end?
All the stars lined up just right
For us to finally meet
I swear that I will wait for you
Never admitting defeat
I’ll sit here waiting…impatiently
For that day to come
When we can be together at last
When our souls unite as one
Forever then I’ll hold you near
Never letting go
Showing you each day that comes
The greatest love you’ve ever known.
March 23, 2016

My words have left me
Have nothing more to say
They fall upon deaf ears
As the pages start to fray

We preach the religions
Condemn the weak
We do not practice
the words We speak.

No one is listening
To their truth within
Instead pointing fingers
To bring out your sin

My words have left me
For ones I once loved
Are lost to their darkness
Instead of rising above

Remember the truth
Before it's too late
Create a heart of love
Instead of one of hate

Find your truth
Go against the world
And a life unimaginable
Will then unfurl.

April 30, 2019

No one listens to another's pain
The subtle ways it shows
A tear in an eye of a smiling face
True happiness, never shows

A glance away, when you mention a name
Hand to the heart, at a song
A heavy sadness follows them
Forever, trying to be strong

We don't pay attention, to the look in the eye
When a memory crosses their mind
That rips out their soul, and tortures them
To their suffering,  we are blind

Never judge another's path
You do not know what they do
What it takes, every day
To try to be normal like you

Pam Penta
7/16/19

I dream of holding you in my arms
dancing under the moonlight
Falling asleep by your side
I dream of laughing with you
Everyday
And holding each other if we cry
I dream of hiking in the woods
Fishing in a stream
Holding  hands and stealing kisses
I dream of being free
Of living how we choose
Of loving each other till the end
Playing music and singing off key
Building fires in the winter
And keeping each other warm
I dream of a life of joy
Peaceful days
And steamy nights.
I dream of you.  
And what could be.

August 7, 2012

I see you my brother, my sister in pain
your eyes diverted from the croud
hiding your face from the bane

I see the fear in your eyes, from pain of long ago
see your avoidance of all that is real
trying to wash it way, or soften its blow

I see your cries for help, the struggle of your soul
I see it in the way you walk
staying far from the fold

I see the haunting of your mind, the darkness that you fight
the circle under your eyes
from not sleeping at night

The needle marks on your arms, trying to **** the demons inside
the way you hang your head in shame
not looking the world in the eye

I see you my brother, my sister it's true
for there once was a time
I was just like you.

December 29, 2019

When we have lost our heart
When we judge what we do not know
Show no gratitude for life

Our soul slowly dies

When we look at our neighbor in hate
Because they are a different shade
We move away a little more

From our Fathers eyes

The world is lost, blinded by hate
Forgotten our purpose
Forgotten our fate

Living a life of lies

Money and greed, I want what is mine
Instead of feeding the hungry
Helping the blind

Becoming all you despise

On your deathbed you
Scream "God save my soul"
He says in return

I know you no more

You didn't live the love
You claimed in church
Instead you looked down

From high on your perch

Jesus taught you the way
Yet you twist it to serve
Your greed and your hunger

For things of this world

A deathbed confession
Won't save your soul
When you gave it to man

And by my children you strolled

The homeless, the naked
The thirsty, the weak
I put them in front of you

But you called them all freaks

You judged their condition
Instead of lending a hand
Turning your eye

To the suffering at hand

Your riches are grand
Your possessions, many
You wallowed in greed

Had more than plenty

What did you give
To end the suffering of one?
Be careful how you live

Before your life is done

January 29, 2019

Little voices
Often said
Useless are
Better dead
Take it now
Feel no pain
See the past
Never again
Run free now
Into the night
Leave for good
No more fright
Little sorrow
Nothing left
Free my mind
That's what
They said
Listen softly
Quiet now
Know no more
Tell me how
Live in peace
Without regret
Days to come
Better yet
Past is past
Whisper free
What's left is now
A better me.

July 3, 2012

Heart on fire
Body worn
Never certain
Always torn
Want is growing
Desire and fear
Free my senses
Though never clear
Will you, won't you
Never sure
Doubt still lingers
But love is pure
Here forever
Without doubt
Till you decide
If in or out
True to you
Until the end
Whether I be
Lover or friend
Heart on fire
Forever be
Open until
You come for me.

June 21, 2012

I lie awake thinking, wondering
where I'm meant to be
Should I stay where I am?
Or leave and do what I want?
I feel so lost here now. Alone.
More alone than I've ever been.
More lost in every way.
I don't want to go back where I was.
It was strangling me. I could no longer breathe.
I had forgotten who I was, or why I was there.
I feel like time is running out
Like I may disappear
That the chances I thought were coming
Will never make it here.
My life has been long
In just a few short years
And I'm tired of fighting the fight
I want to live in a place of peace
For the rest of my life.
A quiet mountain, a horse in the field
A couple of dogs and a goat.
A place to grow my food.
Get up every morning and watch the sun rise over the mountain,
And watch it set over another.
No neighbors for miles, but close to a town.
Quiet. Peaceful. Free.

November 23, 2014