i realized something when i was a teen
that i don't want a love that's sweet,
not something like a rom-com scene
with flowers and chocolate treats

i crave madness and craze
an obsession so still and strong
that his thoughts make me graze
my fingers to places that are wrong

the more i push him away
the more he makes me submit to his will,
that all my nights are his to play
with a mastery in twisted thrill

i want him to consume me
engrave himself on my skin
keep me bound yet set me free
in this profanity filled with sin

i want his rough hands on me
and his dark eyes on my soul,
for through his eyes do i see
how beautiful look i under his control

it's not something normal know i
wanting something so **** dangerous,
yet i feel that this broken guy
will be anything but treacherous

he will put my pieces back
and make me whole again,
because there's still something i lack
that has made me find pleasure in pain

i was always told how different am i
and this thought often made me cry
sick to my stomach because of my wants
i was afraid of what lurks inside the haunt...
.
.
.
and so i will leave this poem incomplete
just like i am
because with every ****** heartbeat
it's tougher and tougher to repeat-
"maybe i will find you one day
or else be lost forever,
because
i want it all
or i else i am okay with never"

there are places in history
that shall always remain a mystery
for the world will remain better
if those pages of past won't flutter

there are people of a tense
that we can't think of without blurring our lense
so why go back to them and cause pain
to both our souls again and again?

some chapters shall never be opened
and some books shall always remain closed
for we bury certain parts of our hearts
in order to scratch and start

but the itch to dig our own grave
to turn for just one last taste
of the lips we shouldn't crave
is wrong and will always be waste

going back, dear reader is our ultimate ruin
because the more we time travel,
the more we discover truths
that shouldn't have been unravelled

once we ****** a part of our past
move forward shall we always
and even when the dark shadows cast
we should still get through alone that day

but foolish are we humans with super stupid brain cells
still wanting to read those old greeting cards
we jump into our own death wells
and thus keep stopping by those haunted graveyards

a derogatory word says dictionary
an insult it is say
all the old books in the library
that i read the other day,

a closed mind and open legs
a desolate woman who sells herself
instead of choosing to work or beg,

the one found in brothels
and places no one speaks of
yet she's present on every man's intel
is something that makes me scoff!

why does "*****" sound so sad
but not when it is prefixed with "man"
is it because of boys who are bad
are fantasies of feminine future plans?

so dear reader ask you i
what does the word "*****" signify?
if you've ever been called one
to it, how did you reply?

half a page of hurt
and the other half of memories
all these words that i blurt
have you as my nemesis
what was i thinking when i let you in
or was i thinking at all
because since then all i have been
is a mess of flaws and falls
regret i deeply the moment i saw you
hate it when you smiled at me
because i had no clue
that i will be bound even as you let me free
why do i have this pathetic taste in men
since the beginning to the very end
some sing songs for me the others write
some make me feel good the others fight
some are direct as ****
the others simply try their luck
some want to be my forever
the others are happy with whatever
but all along i have  paid a hell lot of price
to be adored and attracted to is a vice
but you know what's even worse

-it's the inability to like someone who loves me and my ability to love someone who doesn't even like me

but one day no man will matter
none will i want to flatter
for i will be too busy making my dreams come true
so there'll be no place for the likes of you
and i will be the woman  who is-
super **** yet classy as hell
risen after everytime she fell
strong and stable
and extremely capable
-a  .s.u.p.e.r.w.o.m.a.n.
who'd never need a superman