in all these crowds

i wander my way

looking for things

that'll help me stay

for everything's back

to being gray

now that the sun's hidden

it's dusk after the day

as the darkness descesnds

my demons come to play

and i'm left alone

to type away what i had to say

i no longer believe

that everything's going to be okay

so i'm learning to live

happily in my own dismay

for the drops will change

everytime it'll rain

i won't do the same

over and over again

i know i ain't normal

so i accept i'm not sane

i remember who i am

-the prettiest product of pain

when i see around
i wonder
why some feel the sun
while others experience thunder
is God unfair
or it's just how life's planned
some have their hands full
while others lack full hands
some run after money
while others look for lust
some become criminals
while others can never be just
some are dark
some are deep
while others have
secrets to keep
so dear reader
when i say
understanding the world
is no child's play
please stop looking
for things that can't be found
-for the loveliest of words
will never have a sound

every little thing

reminds me of him

i try forgetting

and letting

my feelings go

as i don't want to show

that how he still affects

and infects

my cold cold walls

that i've built

to stop myself from going back

and make my decision tilt

i don't understand the charm

of unrequited want

deep down i know he means no harm

yet his memories haunt

i hope he finds what he's looking for

maybe that'll help my disease cure?

i don't want to feel

anything for anyone

so that i can heal

and be fooled by none

caring makes me weak

so i want to be bleak

again

angered by my pain

insane

in chains

for letting myself free

shattered my broken soul

painting my heart as black as coal

so now i know

what these emotions cost

making me feel oh so low

such that

no love in me is left to be lost

for every moment

that passed me by

nothing's permanent

neither you nor i

like the sun i set for you

but you being earth-want the moon

so i rise again without a cue

  burning for you alone too soon

but it is what it is

isn't it?

death is life's sweetest kiss

one day i'll run out of words

for you and your shy sky

and stop wondering why

-every truth was once a lie?

you know i like you, but you don't
for this i shouldn't blame you & i won't
i have never liked someone enough
to give up being tough
but you changed this for me
made me feel what it means to be free
i have opened up my heart here
letting go of all my fears
waiting for a single sign
that one acknowledgement line
but nothing comes through
i know i am making this difficult for you
i should take what's left of my pride and leave
i would if i could, me should you believe

i don't know what's stopping me
but i just can't give up without a fight
but doing this on repeat
is diminishing my already dull light
before you i used to pride myself
how i don't let guys affect my life
never wanted to be with anyone
because of my own emotional rife
yet here i am vulnerable and weak
in your eyes maybe i'm a freak
but i am grateful for going through this
learning what it means to miss
someone i never had
now has the power to make me sad

i have spoken too much, haven't i
but how can i withdraw without a try
you hurt me and you don't even know
i am simply reaping what i'd sown