Påłpëbŕå

Påłpëbŕå Nov 9

and now when i can't look at you
i see that you want me to be your view
saying that the love you denied is true
and without me your sky isn't that blue
you're telling me that you've realised
but you're making amends only to lessen the guilt inside
but i ain't a fool anymore who'd drop everything now
for you and the hope of "us" is dead somehow
leave me the way you left those 89 days back
in a puddle of my tears and my heart in cracks
it took so long and will take so much longer for me to fix my mind
and if your feelings are this fierce too then to yourself be kind
make something of everything that has happened and more
go through those stages of grief, they will shake you to your core
i can't let you destroy me again
or let you be the reason for my pain
can't forget the disrespect, the nonchalance, the hurt i didn't deserve
so all i want now is to live in peace and end this verse
i fear to hope that people can change for good
because doing that once killed something within me, i understood
if you wanted it, if you wanted me- you could
so yes, go act like i broke your heart and thus i am the villain of our story
i am strong enough to handle your hate and shall take the blame in all its glory

don't start now by dua lipa

Påłpëbŕå Nov 3

the truth

for boys may come
and boys may go
but a man shall stay forever

the brook goes on forever and so does the love of a "man"

Påłpëbŕå Nov 2

i pray for the sun to rise

i have tried 99 ways to get over him
felt the **** of my scar on my skin
i wrote, i cried and died a little on the inside
waiting for him to come back, hoping he'd decide
that maybe i am worth his efforts and his time
and i ain't that ugly of a person that he's made up in his mind
but he keeps on breaking my already shattered heart
that still longs for him, belongs to him in part
i can't really wrap my head around the fact how
despicable and heinous a human can be
snuffing life out of another, issuing a death decree
and what baffles me more is how he masked all this all along
with each day passing was he plotting to make my suffering prolong?
abandoning me at the exact moment when i was all in
hardening my preexisting beliefs that love was a sin
yet i willingly choose to become a sinner
because in the game he's playing, i don't aim to be a winner
all i wanted was his faith and rest i would've happily done
but now the mere thought of companionship is something i have shunned
this feeling of wanting to hold on to that glimmer of hope
isn't really going away, maybe there's no scope
i don't know how much longer is this going to take,
how much more dawn do i need to come to wake?

Påłpëbŕå Oct 25

moving on

will this colourless existence ever see any hues?
or in this time frame all i shall feel is blue?
i talk to people and feel nothing at all
still checking my phone to see if he'd call
but he's already out there having the time of his life
pretending he's the victim and blaming me for the rife
yet day in and day out i cry, feeling weak as ****
only to piece myself back together and try my luck
he isn't a lesson but a trigger has he become
making me question everything and then some
i don't grieve the man he chose not to be for me
but i simply shake my head at the betrayal i couldn't see
for he went out there and told people about my vulnerabilities
thinking he did something right by crushing even the possibilities
of us even being civil to each other's presence
and maybe not always being better in each other's absence
how easy was for him to forget about me and my love for him
because i've witnessed him remembering her for years on a whim
maybe i had my answers all along and still stupidly hoped
my beating heart pumped more than blood, a dream to float
and now, when the ship has sailed and sunk
i am here alone, wailing and waiting for that punk
to finally see sense and mend his actions
but he's too far away, moved on with his stories and captions

how much longer is it going to take for me heal?
it's almost been 3 months...yet "We Don't Talk Anymore" hurts like a *****
i know this is good riddance, this is good for me but him turning out to be exactly like he promised he'd never be breaks me
i can't even talk about it, talk to him or do anything will all these feelings i have

it's just a chapter, not the entire book...i don't reread it, don't even want to but his nonchalance is making me feel ******* used

but nothing matters right? you gotta be strong p :)

Påłpëbŕå Oct 21

to the love left in me

its been seventy days and a few minutes more
since i've been trying with all i am to be alright
i know i will never be like the way i was before
someone who is bold and beautiful and bright
and has so much fight still left in her
that the world within me starts to unfurl
yet i end up on my bed, coiled and curled
hope flowing down my eyes making everything blurred
it hurts a lot yet i can't break and shall move forward
i don't know how to lean on a man's shoulder because i ain't a coward
but on days like today i wish he'd call me up or send a message
waiting for anything at all, even his hate or his caged rage
why? because i don't know what to do with all this love
that's still left in me for him, i can't seem to shove
so cry i, my heart out when i am on my own, alone
in the darkness of the night, i miss "us" in the glow of my phone
only to get up tomorrow morning to be abso-*******-lutely great
letting go of the girl i used to be, becoming a heartless woman with every date
-losing myself all the while i look for me

i don't know what do i even miss about him because with each day he seems more of a figment of my imagination
the realization that i never mattered to him kills me
but he will never know, i will never give him the satisfaction
i guess i conjured him up

Påłpëbŕå Oct 14

SHIMLA

with 23 years of breathing away
today as i walk down these lanes
with lots of words but nothing much to say
staring through these not so familiar window panes
every face i see here seems to be known
passing me by as if to greet me even tomorrow
with bluest of sky and chilly wind blown
i look at the church and the enormous tree with sorrow
because with each fleeting moment
and ticking of this life clock
my heart's getting full of the sentiment
-nostalgia brimming, ending my writer's block
because i miss the days when i wore red
and my only stress was to score good on a test
but now i have some serious issues to deal with in my head
that even though i am home yet trudge through i a tempest
my soul craves solace and this body needs benediction
to the place i belong shall make me whole again, i pray with conviction

shimla isn't just a place, it's a feeling
i am proud to be born here even though someone made me feel otherwise and thus, this ain't changing anytime soon

Påłpëbŕå Oct 2

[de]attachment

you've broken my heart into pieces you can't count
left me bleeding on the floor alone with my shouts
yet you never looked back or felt a flicker of remorse
and carried on with your little life while i was at war
you can't love? but i know that you can, just not me
yet you lied to my face as if i will never be able to see
and even today you go on thinking you've done us both a favour
but let me tell you oh "demigod" i am not just another flavour for you to savour
you made me feel small because i had emotions, because i cared
putting up with everything because instead of leaving, i wanted to stay
what for? for you tell me that my personality won't fit?
well you knew who i was from the very beginning and that didn't stop you from doing ****
so now you're going and telling people that i was the problem with my issues
but you know exactly what you've done and that is discarded me like a used tissue
yet here i am stronger than ever before
because my heart's pure and full of love and more
i am not ashamed of going all in or feeling what i felt for you
in this fake *** world full of lies i will still strive to be true
you can go find happiness in others and think what you did was right
but in the end all you did was shirked away and gave up on us without a fight
if counting my flaws helps you live with yourself, then i am glad
because i know, i will find my solace after months of being sad
and one day when i will look back, i won't feel anything at all
because damaged people like me know the best how to get up after we fall