who doesn't want to delude himself/herself with the thought that he/she isn't normal? every bond in our DNA screams with the need to be different, to stand out and yet, when the actual time of choice comes, where we either end up becoming what we were always meant to be and what we forced ourselves, shaped ourselves into, we, ladies and gentlemen, take the safe road
it's funny how i have always tried to go with the flow, be somebody who is loved by everyone, looked upto, yet, every night when i lie down on my bed, with the sheets beneath me wrinkling with the weight of my unfulfilled dreams and fantasies, all i do is close my eyes and go to a place far from normal
the most deviant thoughts cross my mind, the obscenity of these images in my head make me nauseous because i have made the choice of going against something i was born with
i listen to music, the notes travel up the afferents and then down to my muscles, making each molecule within my body too desperate to dance, yet, all i do is sit and smile, not even letting myself bob my head to the lyrics and compositions filling my ears!
everytime i read a book, i yearn to become the protagonist because she gets to live all that i can only see with my eyes closed
all the work i do in my day, from checking someone's heart rate to listening to the beating pattern of their hearts, placing my fingers over their thrumming pulses and trying to play sherlock with their ailments, i wish to be good at it, with polished skills and a strong will to get better, to become the greatest without even considering the amount of effort i have to put in in order to achieve that
the roles are suffocating, the frustration is overwhelming

to all the bad days
and to all the lost ways
to all the falls
and to all the wrong calls
to all the mistakes
and to all the breaks
i came, i saw
from fame to flaws
i still got up and tried
despite the pain & cries
i fought the devils
cleared the levels
only for more miles left to walk
and run against the life's clock
for there's still more to do
maybe to chase a better view?
i am happy for all the times i thought i'd fail
the universe held my hand and helped me sail

and then when i sat in the solace of solitude
was i filled with peace and a deep sense of gratitude
for i don't need noise to fill the silence or somebody to help me breathe
because the very essence of my being is enough to lead
me to a life where my smile depends on nobody
and i shall continue to laugh even when abandoned by everybody
i am happy not being a part of their pictures anymore
and content with my cup of coffee and myself to the core
maybe even the unanswered questions and the unasked "whys"-
-"why did she stop talking to me? why did they exclude me? why did he do that to me? -made me finally say goodbye
to an unhealed part of me that longed to be loved
a toxic trait that made me want to be wanted
so all the notions of "bonds" did end up shoved
to a corner in my head which with time feels less haunted
because now i don't really care "why" did all that happen after everything i did
maybe there wasn't any actual answer to- "where did i go wrong"
because when everything was crystal clear i decided to close my lids
and pretend that everything's fine, this is where i belong
but now, i feel free, without an ounce of guilt
i gave it my all and it still didn't work so be it
for i can live the way i like without feeling aghast
dear reader, there's nothing wrong with being an outcast