We saw so much grace in her small frame,
And so much Joy from her untied spirit,
It is why we wish the cancer never tamed it.

Her strengths were bound in our young classroom.
We moved  our growing eyes away from the dry eraser board
To where she rose  her hand to wake our knappy morning gloom,
and With her genuine vocal chords, she rose all
the happy boys up against their proud pro-football dreams
to talk in boy "oh ya".

but now comes the minister and we are with her in spirit.
It is why we wished the cancer never tamed it.

Nothing I do is good enough for you

I hate myself

Wipe the table clean with tears and tissue

All I am is deficit to you

My worthlessness

Another mouth to feed



We are each over-expectant

Hoping for the incredible

Imagining more than what we’re served

Denying reality

Each destroyers

Of our own dreams



The moral compass

Keeps teetering towards disaster

Not-so-distant past lingers

I want to go back to my own people

But my own people don’t exist anymore

Except in cartoon version



Everything is collapsing fast

Nothing is gradual

When did the present

Overstay its welcome?

I am desolate dictator

Of empty room



What do you do with your scabs?

Not the little flakey ones

I mean the big chunky crusty ones?

I throw them in pan and sauté them

With olive oil, onion salt, a little pablano pepper

Serve them to myself and ghost dog

Pills, pills
all shapes and all sizes,
white ones and pink ones,
all full of surprises.
This one to be happy
and that one to sleep.
Another for calmness,
one so I don't weep.
Red ones and blues ones
big ones and small,
I'll mix them together
and have a pill ball.
My minds a bit fuzzy,
I cant think quite straight.
I pour all the pills
on a very big plate.
Swallow them down
with some wine or some beer,
***** or ***, whatever is near.
The tension is leaving
my minds finally clear,
I can finally relax now
the end is quite near.
I awaken to brimstone,
fire and death.
The air is quite acrid,
hard to take a breath.
And now I admire
how far I have fell
Now I'll be your demon
and haunt you from hell.

I foster demons
So if have any that scare you at night
wake you from dreams with a terrible fright
make themselves known at inopportune times
or force you to contemplate terrible crimes
bring them to me.
Tell me your tales about sad childhood days
regrets for things done in a teens drunken haze.
Name all the people who hurt and betrayed you,
sick evil ******* who laughed as they played you.
Recount the memories that cause so much pain
open your heart, let the bad feelings drain.
I foster demons
I'll welcome them into my soul, I will tame them
directing their rage into good, I will train them.
And when the times right and I know they are strong
I'll channel their anger to where it belongs.
You see-
I'm working on a hit list, it grows longer every day
and soon those demon makers are gonna have to pay
I foster demons
Bring them to me.

I lie on the grass and listen to the silence that surrounds me.
I immediately squint my eyes as I look up at the sky
I take a deep breath and ask myself, What is the sun?
I think it is just a ball of hydrogen and helium bound together by a strong gravitational pull
A pull towards the light at the end of the tunnel
A long breath held with the ability to suffocate and torture
But still held together by a thin string of hope,
Hope that the light will come soon

Or maybe it is just where everything began
A look shared by two souls with
A secret understanding, not known to the rest of the world

Maybe it is the shining light upon all of the darkness in the world
A merciful and truthful gift that was given to us from nature
The protective cloak of warmth, safety, comfort and certainty
A chance to start a new chapter with nothing the armor of love
A ruthless game unless played with nothing but honesty
Of what seem to be the unvarnished truth
But maybe is it more than it seems
Maybe it is not a blanket of the warm and fuzzy feelings of love and trust
Maybe it is what makes me so blind to the truth
Naïve and easy to fool
Maybe it is the pain from the revelation of that truth
The sting of his touch
The mark of his burn
The ashes of a broken heart
Scattered
Along the beaten path
And along the same beaten path,
Another illumination of what was and what could have been
Constantly reminded of the naked truth

I wish that I could comprehend the truth; the purpose of the light
Understand the reason behind pain that surrounds the reality
And the importance of the getting hurt and moving on

But because of the of truth, there is no longer an us
Because if there was a beginning,
This must be the end
A release of the breath held in
With the realization that
Truth comes from the revelations of darkness.
And excruciating pain comes from the revelation of the ugly truth.