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51 · Jun 24
Turn around
Chameleon Jun 24
I went out to my car
and pulled out of the
driveway,
my heart beating fast,
usual sick feeling in my stomach.
I needed to see him.
I imagined me pulling up
and knocking on the door.
He opens it and without a
word picks me up
in a hug.
We both say we’re so sorry
and this was so stupid
and we make love on the sofa
and we can’t stop kissing goodbye
when he leaves for work.

But I turned around.

Because that isn’t how it would go.
He doesn’t forgive me.
He doesn’t want to.
So I turned around.
51 · Jan 2020
Waiting for my turn
Chameleon Jan 2020
I took a photo my of my face
fresh after crying.
My cheeks still stained and wet.

Because if life really is great and mysterious,
then maybe 6 months from now I won’t
even recognize that sad girl anymore.
I hope I get to be happy.
47 · Jun 19
Rainbow
Chameleon Jun 19
Growing up
our dad was always
very excited to
see a rainbow.
It was almost mandatory
that you come
outside and oo
and ah at the glory
of nature.

This afternoon we
had a summer storm
that brought wind
and lots of rain.
But to my surprise
the sun came out.
So I got out of bed
and walked out the front
door and sure enough
one was forming almost
like a painting behind
the windmill.
I was excited,
I knew from the angle
of the sun that this one
was going to really shine.
I knew my dad
would be proud as I
moved around the porch
trying to get a
good photo.

It felt like a show at
the end of the day;
watching it form,
show off,
and then fade into
the air.
46 · Jan 2020
Please stay
Chameleon Jan 2020
I don’t want him to leave.
But I don’t know how to tell him.
I don’t think I ever will.
He’ll just disappear from my life forever,
and I’ll just have to move on..
If that’s possible.

I don’t want him to leave.
42 · Jun 19
Dog
Chameleon Jun 19
Dog
The last few nights I’ve had dreams
about a little black and white dog
that almost looks like a stuffed animal
it’s so cute and small.
Holding its little warm body
in my arms filled me with so much
happiness.
It left me feeling empty when I woke up.
15 · Jul 31
No more
Chameleon Jul 31
I should have
put in the work
instead of looking
for an easy out.
I don’t want any more
chemicals in my brain
or my body.
I want to know that what
I’m feeling is real,
and it’s me.
I genuinely can’t say that
I’m happier now,
in fact I was sent into
a manic episode which
hasn’t occurred in years.
I want to sleep,
eat, drink and be merry.
0 · 7h
Angry
It’s easy for me to say
oh I’m off my medication
so this thought is just
that.
A thought,
a fabrication
a lie
that my mind is playing.

But what if it’s just
intuition.
It has always been right
in the past,
but also people are so see through.
It’s obvious to me when
someone is lying or
being deceitful
and that’s why I am
so *******.

I am not blind
0 · Aug 3
Midnight - Aug
Chameleon Aug 3
All the windows are open,
and the lights are off.
The only sounds are
the crickets and
a box fan.
It’s an unusually cool
night for the first of
August but no one is
complaining.
July was a heatwave.

— The End —