He called me sweet girl
but I wondered if he
meant it.
I haven’t been very nice
to him lately,
or I haven’t felt
nice towards him.
I hope he didn’t notice.

We had a disagreement
which led me to want to do
what I know how to do,
bail.

But when I turned and
walked away from him,
he followed.

When I got to the door
I saw he was there,
and he didn’t say
anything,
he just hugged me
and kissed my forehead
and said,
“I’ll be back.”

And he did come back.

It started with a party bathroom.
You push a button and
music and disco lights
explode from the ceiling.
Drinks come in glass boots,
and bubbles spray
out of wooden boats.
Then it’s drinking in a
renovated church
run by lesbians.
A flight of delicious
craft beers.
The bathrooms have
free tampons and pads.
Now you’re stretched out
across the backseat
of his new truck
singing along to
classic country hits
on the way to the last stop.
This place only carries
6% or higher so
now you’re drunk.
You smoke a cigarette
and talk about your old job.
You blast more country
and take the long way home.
It’s a perfect Saturday night.

My ex FaceTimed me
from Alaska the other day.
Cheerful and
slightly drunk.
Telling me all about
his new adventure.
He saw me smiling
at him and he said,
“Such a pretty girl,
look at you.”
I bashfully rejected
the idea and he said
“Give yourself some credit.”

I agreed only to stop
him from continuing
but I wondered why
is it,
when after the relationship
is dead and gone,
do the men I once craved
attention like that from
finally dish it out so freely.

I like when we’re
cuddled up like puppies,
arms and legs draped
over the other.
I like when he reaches
for my hand and
guides me around
so I’m not on the outside
of the sidewalk
but continues holding it
while he smokes
with the other.
I watched him quietly fill up
two pages with different
drawings and I wondered
what inspired each one.
His Art is usually dark
and distorted,
or goofy like
The bean man.
A wild bean with arms and legs
that wears a bandana,
smokes cigarettes
and causes chaos.
I like petting his hair,
something he had to get used to
because “no other girl had
ever done that before.”
But he’s so cute,
and scruffy like a dog
that I can’t help myself.
I’m still learning how he
operates,
which is mostly in silence
but I’m starting
to understand that
the quiet can be comfortable too.