I like knocking
on the door,
waiting for him to
open it
and say hi pretty lady
before he kisses me.
I like how the colors of
his clothes never really
match
but somehow it works.
I like the nervous way
he asks me to tell him
about my day
as he packs a bowl.
I like how he wants
to do things I shouldn’t
say out loud
and compliments me
the whole time.
I like how after we
just scroll on our phones
and tell each other stories
the other has never heard.
And how he tells me I can
come over whenever
I want to, as I’m at the door
to leave.
I like him.
And us.

The man I’m seeing
works third shift.
So I don’t see him very often
but we talk a lot.

The other night
he called off work
so we could spend
time together.
He said that kissing me
makes him feel better
so he needed to skip.
And we did a lot of kissing
as well as other things.
I wish he could
call off work more often.

I was propped up behind him,
his back was leaned against me.
We lay like that for awhile,
just talking while I played
with his hair.
His hand rubbed my leg
and it would move
to cover his face as he told me
about his mistakes.
I stayed quiet;
listening.
It was 5 a.m and neither of us
had been to sleep yet.
But it was worth it to
have a few hours together.
Just before the sun started peaking
over the fields,
he kissed me good bye
but wished I didn’t have to go.
I didn’t either.

This morning I didn’t
wake him up.
I just gathered my things
and got dressed.
Before I left I looked around his house
because to be honest I’ve only seen
a few rooms.
There is ten years worth
of things from his life
all over.
His daughter’s bedroom filled
with toys and games
and I wondered how he was
able to afford all of that stuff.
Paintings of him and
his daughter made by his ex
wife still hang on the walls.
She was very talented.
A whiteboard of things to do
that maybe never got done
because of the divorce.

And me.

I felt so out of place,
I couldn’t see how I would fit
in here at all.
Every square inch of his life
is taken.
So I took a few hits of his bowl
and saw myself out.