After a week of us being broken up
today was the first day that
we didn’t speak at all.
I want to text him,
say I miss him.
I want him to say it back.
But I haven’t forgotten
that he gave up on me.
We could have been together,
He just doesn’t want me.
It will never not sting
like I’ve been bitten by a wasp
when I think of him next
to someone else.
It will never not ****
a part of me that he didn’t choose me.
I know that someone who really
loves me would never give up,
would never leave me.
I know this but I wanted him to
be that someone.

It’s just not fair.
Why can’t I have the person I want
like all the other girls.
Why does my love
have to be complicated and
difficult.
All I ever wanted was for us to
live in a tiny house,
make dinner and be together.

I sit very still in bed
staring at the duvet.
Not really thinking,
just staring.
It’s like I am a piece of furniture
in this quiet house.
Time drips by as families
everywhere are celebrating.
I am grieving.

Sometimes I can find joy
and peace in my small existence.
I wake up and make my coffee,
grab my backpack and head to the
gym.
I go to my office job
and laugh with my coworkers.
I come home and build a fire,
hauling wood across the yard.
I make dinner for one and have a beer.
I pack my yellow pipe
and watch YouTube before I go to bed.
And I almost eat this up.
It’s so simple and quiet,
not speaking out loud for hours.
It’s just me, and my pet fish
in this old house.