Chameleon

Chameleon Dec 2019

I feel like I’ve been having
an identity crisis lately.
I’m living in past memories,
and blocking out the bad parts.
I’ve been ignoring the passage of time
because it’s going so fast
and frankly, I’m terrified for the future.
I miss my apartment,
and my boyfriend, my old job
and my friends.
My phone doesn’t even recognize me
anymore because I don’t look the same.
My hair is thin and torn out,
I have huge dark circles under my eyes
and my body looks fatter.

Why does everything have to fall apart?

Chameleon Dec 2019

Painful

I feel like I’m ready to give up
to be honest.
I just dealt with the hardest year of
my life and it was all for nothing.
Once he’s gone I’ll have nothing.
I am nothing.

Maybe I’ll just find a decent, boring man
and get married because it’s better than
dying alone.
I’ll have a kid or two because there’s
nothing else to do and it would be nice
to feel love that is actually real.

And since I’ll never see him again,
I’ll forget all about him.
Never say his name or think of his face.

Hopefully some day I won’t feel
so empty and none of this will hurt anymore.
Hopefully some day I can be okay again.

Chameleon Dec 2019

Who needs Christmas

It’s like Christmas morning every time
he smiles at me.
Opening presents when he holds my hand.
Festive music plays when he laughs
at my jokes.
Mistletoe hangs wherever he kisses me.
And Santa is real when he calls me
his girlfriend.

Christmas comes just once a year,
but for me it’s every day I’m with him.

Chameleon Dec 2019

Leave

My soul knows you’ll be leaving soon.
Off to the land of palm trees and a salty ocean.
Opportunity.
It’s the only thing left to do.
The other half of my heart that made
it so wonderfully full.
I think that’s why there’s an eternal
sadness stuck inside me.

Chameleon Dec 2019

Anything

It’s all worth it
even if lately it hasn’t been easy;
when he reaches for my hand and says,
“Thank you for helping me peach.”
Although he doesn’t need to thank me.
I would do anything for him.

Chameleon Nov 2019

Untitled

The monsters from my nightmares
come out during the day.
When I’m wide awake and suddenly
I’m reliving the day I realized
what was going on.
Then the monsters are
attacking me and I’m crying
in pain just like the first time.

I swear I have PTSD from the emotional trauma I went through

Chameleon Nov 2019

Fake red hair

The devil has fake red hair
because she’s too scared to accept
the beauty of time.
The devil puts off a perfect exterior,
a seemingly perfect person.
Until she ***** the love of your life
and then pretends to be your friend
the next day.
The devil is a coward who will
never say sorry.