I said it last weekend when I was drunk,
but it will always be true.
You never take advantage of the time of your life that you're in, when you're in it.
And then you spend the next few years feeling nostalgic all the time.
I wish I could record everything about my apartment.
My first apartment.

The birds chirping outside every window, the sound of the cars passing on the state highway.
My loveseat that has become my favorite place in the house,
spending hours watching Netflix and smoking ***.
I turned the big 21 here,
got my Ford explorer,
lived with my first pitbull,
and worked at the first job that made it possible to support myself.

I am going to try to live in these moments. Even if I feel miserable sometimes, I know I will miss all of this some day.

No matter how hard I try to fight it;
and tell myself I deserve the guy that opens my car door, and is adored by my parents.
I can't stop this feeling.
And in the words of Lady Gaga,
I'm still in love with Judas baby.

I love *****, sad/angry, and different.

Bruises, and tattoos, drinking and smoking.

The guy that will pick me up on his dirtbike, but doesn't bother coming to knock on the door.
And then in the privacy of no eyes watching,
kisses me hard.

I love the fight,
the struggle,
I love a bad boy.

I think I just had a very sober thought.

     Just.

Stop
        Caring.

Wise men say, only fools rush in
but I can't help falling in love with you.
Shall I stay, would it be a sin
if I can't help falling in love with you.

Do you remember how I would sit up on the deck railing,
and you'd be standing.
You were so tall, my knees touched the side of your chest.
We'd stay like that,
Talking and laughing and laughing,
and kissing.

Like a river flows to the sea
darling so it goes
some things are meant to be.
Take my hand, take my whole life too
for I can't help,
falling in love with you.*

Do you remember that first cruise we took in my little Oldsmobile.
It was like five in the morning in June, but neither of us had any desire to sleep.

We both knew something special was happening.