let my sorrow take
control of me
and my body
to slip away
peacefully
let the meadows
turn my blues green
and the wind
unknot the ties
of my stomachache  
have the rain cleanse
my impurities
the dirt cover me
like a mountain of sins
lay me to rest
i am empty within

no this feeling in my chest
rips me apart blood pools
in all crevices of my body
I scream until my voice is hoarse
cry until ***** joins my sobs
ache from sleeping on the floor
being unable to climb into bed
this is ruination
the only thing that was truly
ever between us.

we are fine
you are the only one
losing her mind.
How?
Please tell me how to be okay?
It’s been months and I still don’t know
how to feel okay today.
My body aches
I hurt as much on the outside as within
Blood pours from my throat
And drips down my legs.
The fire has extinguished from within
And my lighter hasn’t been
Able to burn itself in.
I haven’t been okay.
I don’t know how.

Another fall
No one to save me no one to call
I just want to end it all.

I beg each doctor to tell me what’s wrong
“He said I’m crazy that I need help that I’m mentally insane.
Tell me please what parts of me i shouldn’t retain”
They stare at me with pity in their eyes
only to always give out the same lies
“The love you feel is a symptom from your mom.
You know death waits for no one you’ve known this for long.
Each interaction, every conversation, you treat it as if it’s your last.
Nothings wrong with you dear.
You love hard because you know what it means to lose someone fast.”
They won’t tell me the truth
They won’t fix me
Only asking why the blame
Must solely rest on me.
It has to be my fault.
Doesn’t it?

My pillowcase has become just a towel
All the tears snot and blood
Making a mess of the sheets
I wonder how long your betrayal
Will claw out of my chest and assault me.

I wish I meant the world to someone
Everyone means so much to me
Their comfort their peace their happiness
But no one has seen my soul and decided
That it needs love and happiness as well.
What’s wrong with me?
Why am I so unlovable?
Why does everyone hate me as much as I do and even more?
I thought.
I really thought.
I could mean something to someone.
But I remain a stone unturned.
A falling tree unheard.
A soul that can’t be loved.