He makes me feel
hopeful that one day
everything will be better.
And I love him for it.

I drive through the town
that helped us meet;
every day on my way to
work,
just hoping to catch a glimpse
of you.
I thought I saw your car at
the gas station that I didn't
need to go to,
so I pulled in and my heart was
pounding in my chest.
I walked in and knew instantly that
you weren't there.
But I just had to see.

The past 24 hours
have brought about so
much anxiety,
the fact that I even have
hair left is a miracle.
I'm running on almost no sleep,
hardly any food,
and my stomach has been
****** up all week.

I can't sleep.
I've been laying in bed
in the dark
tugging ferociously
at my hair.
I would be terrified
if I looked in a mirror
right now.
Once everything else
is turned off
and all I can hear is the sound
of my fan,
my mind turns on.
Endless thoughts,
and even the cherry on the
end of my cigarette can't
burn them out.

Maybe I should smoke
another bowl,
and tie my fingers together.