Honestly I feel like
my life is falling apart.
Everything good I had
is gone.
I'm right back to where
I was a year ago
except this time I have
no Tv to fill my nights.
I'm gonna have to get used
to spending a lot of time
alone.
I'll just always be high
and continue this
shopping addiction
in hopes that new clothes
will make me feel important.

And do whatever I can
to enjoy constant solitude.

Throughout all of my visits
to Fort St. Clair
I have started noticing
that I'm not the only
person there who is alone,
sitting in their cars just
staring through the windshield
into nature.
I think my town needs
that spot.
So all the people can go there
once in awhile and sit in
peace, or sit
sick with themselves for never
getting out of this town.
I'm there to have peace
and smoke ***.
Maybe they are too.

I was afraid of what
I saw in the mirror,
as I brushed my hair
back, after I got out
of the shower.

I didn't know it was that
b a d .

Starting over always sounds
so good,
until it's too late and you
realize that what you really
wanted was there all along.
But will you be brave
and try to turn around,
and turn back time,
even though the possibility of
rejection is not in your favor?
Or will you be brave and
continue trying to move on,
and make the best out of
what you have.
But, the thing is.
It's too easily forgotten that
this is the only life we will
have a chance to take
full advantage of.
So when you get to that
fork in the road,
which path will you take,
and will you be happy with
your choice?

I wish I could say
I don't give a fuuck.
You all expect too much.
I'm still new to this,
I'm 19,
I failed out of college.
I don't know any of this stuff.
And sometimes when they
talk it turns into a
foreign language.
I just want to yell at
everybody to back off.
Give me a chance.
Fuuuuccckk
But their job is to hate
on me..
But today I really could care
less.. I'm flying.

Recently I have been
able to forget about him
all day long.
Until I finally close my eyes
and fall into a deep sleep.
And then,
there he is.
The main character in all
of my dreams.
The other night we were on
his couch again,
and then he was kissing me.
I remember the way his
hair felt in my fingers.
And last night it was like
I was chasing him,
trying to get closer,
but all I got to see was his face.
I'm going to try to not
read into anything,
because they say when you dream
about someone else it
doesn't "mean" anything..
But I think it does mean
something.
I miss him.