There are a lot of
big changes happening
in my life;
and I'm going
through all of it alone.
I'm about to leave a job
that I have been comfortable at,
and know everyone,
to something brand new for me.
I am almost moved in
to an apartment that I'll be paying
for and living in by myself.
I have never slept in an empty house.
My boyfriend has never been good
at knowing how to support me,
and I don't expect anything from
anyone.
But I wish I wasn't going at all
of this alone.
I have almost no money in
my bank account,
and almost no hair left in my bangs.
August has been bitter sweet,
I can only hope that September
treats me better.

I love the romantic,
goth of Tim Burton;
and the wreckless drinking
of Charles Bukowski.

I had to get up and turn
on the light.
Try to clear my head.
I've been paranoid and
anxious.
I'm thinking about
playing some music and
trying to go to sleep with
some better thoughts.

Lately I find myself
wanting to talk about my
trichotillomania.
I think I want to find someone else
that knows what I'm going through.
I have never talked about it
on social media except one time.
And someone thought I had an
STD simply because they were
uninformed.
Embarrassed and ashamed
I quickly deleted it.
I shouldn't be ashamed.
Or embarrassed.
It's relevant. And real.

So, pretty much if you have trich
or just want someone to talk to
about it,
please comment or message me.
I know that isn't what this website is for,
But I feel most comfortable here.
And you can too.

I wish I was brave enough
to share my struggle with
trichotillomania on social media,
because maybe I'd find support.
But I can't get past the feeling of
just complaining or that no one
would care.
Let alone understand.
I've realized that the worst
trigger for me,
is watching shampoo commercials.
Because I know I'll never have hair
like that.
Full, pretty, strong.
It *****.
And even as I'm writing this
my hand is in my hair,
tugging away at the short strands
I have left.
I feel hopeless,
because I am losing.