We used to sit together in this place,
my young eyes wide as we blew bubbles in the shade.
Sidewalk chalk lay in a pile at our feet,
As we huddled in the tiny shelter from the afternoon’s heat.

Our hands were full of sour blueberries,
Ripe, but not yet sweet,
Freshly picked in the backyard,
And eaten right away.

Now I’m sitting here again,
I’m bigger, but there’s still space for two.
And one space will always be empty,
As I sit here and remember you.

There's really no way to reach me
I always show them as many sides i can show
so i can remain unknown
I control the thought of them thinking of me
so i can remain a mystery
I will never be me
I can just see through the sea,
Of people unable to be free

She says she doesn't know the new me
But hell, I didn't know I changed
She says I'm cold now, distant
But I thought she wanted space
She says she misses the old days
But I swear she was always sad
She says she hates the new me
But I'm just trying to be what she says she want's

She says she is on to the next one
But I thought she claimed my love forever
She says its not her, its me
But I recollect living it a bit differently
She says we should still be friends
But I know that's a lie
She says see you around
But I know this is goodbye

I say wait, give us time
But she can't wait any longer
I say wait, you swore you were mine
But she doesn't care anymore
I say why are you doing this
And she responds with a laugh
I say this is killing me
And she says honey, I don't care for your death

Not about love or life.
Not about sun and snow.
Not about hate or politics.
What more ought we know.

Not philosophy, psychology or history.
Nor horror, adventure or mystery.
Whether on sea or land,
it will not stand
in the vast oak court of reality.

"I wish I hadn't done it."

The stale, freezing wind dries my lungs
and I feel how hollow my body is
lacking the comfort of your arms.

"The reason I want to act like things are normal,
is because I wish they were."

Your final words nip at my skin
along with the icy breeze
through my cracked window.

"I'm sorry that it had to come to this."

My breaths are shallow and abrupt
this season, and they match how I felt
when we said goodbye
for the final time.

"Live long. Happy."


                                                                                                                                    *CVT

She's a girl and you're a man,
A man not a boy,
When you said she was entertaining did you mean only like a toy? A toy you can just play, break and throw away?
She's confused.
Maybe you're just busy with life while she's still just growing up, my God you're old enough to have a wife.
She's confused.
One great night,
Maybe that's all it was and she should just accept it.
If it was up to her she could forget it.
The age difference is killing her and the mixed signals are willing her, to do what?
Keep trying, give up?
She doesn't know.
She doesn't want to.
Yes she does.
She's lost.
The girl is lost and confused, but what about the man?
Tell me _ , what about you?
Do you feel the way I do?
When you said you loved me I thought it was a joke,
But was it true?
I'm confused.
I haven't known you long but it feels like forever to me,
Forever.
How can one night be forever?
Is it worth it to endeavor?
Or just to wonder if I'll ever,
Ever be good enough
I ask myself in vain.
Either way I know ends with pain, that much I am sure.
Living so far away, having a difference in age,
Is true love even a cure?
It should be.
It could be.
Maybe I wish it would be.
I'm confused.
I'm lost.
I've been through a lot.
I'm still waking up in hopes that it was just a dream.
A dream or a nightmare?
I can't recall.
If I took a risk could I lose it all?
Would that help?
Losing it all?
Maybe I'm being stupid,
Compared to this "problem" I feel so small.
I must be diluted
To just fall.
To fall so hard.
Staring at this wall maybe I'll get away?
Get away and forget the day,
Forget the time I was confused and lost.
How long until I just exhaust?
Love, it comes at too high a cost.
I'm confused and lost
Lost in my thoughts.
I don't cry easily but maybe it's time
I once heard a friend of mine say "Crying only means you've been too strong for too long"
Too late, I'm gone, so far gone
Lost in my thoughts, gone, unending as it seems
Somehow I'll survive, I'll figure out what exactly God's test means.
In the future I'll hopefully be, no, know I will be
The girl who was once confused, once lost
The one that became a woman
After she defined lost and beat the cost.
The cost of love.

I've been paid to pour sticky-sweet
dancing-juice down the throats
of men who can't afford
a ******
but want the salt of Bourbon Street
on their tongues when they wake up.
I've stumbled up to my door,
dropping the keys and loudly spitting out a
"Shh!"
to myself, to retain some sense
of dignity.
I've woken up with an army in my head,
shouts muddled because their leader
has been shot, and all they can do now
is stomp around and
make loud noise and
hurt.

It never hurt as much
as being awake without a hangover
and having nothing physical
to nurse.

The day I met you
You were either high or silly
And now that I've known you
I still can't decide
Maybe you live on a high of crazy
Reckless abandon
But no, you care too much for that
What are you?

When you look at me what's the look I see in your eyes?
I see sadness but for who?
Your green eyes frighten yet melt me
Curioser and curioser
What else is there
Pity, jealousy, love, what?
I can't read your eyes, never could
All I can tell is there's something different
Something added or changed or missing
Whenever you look my way
What are you feeling?
Are you screaming or hiding?
I feel so confused and you won't talk to me
Tell me something clear
'Cause I can't read you