despite the fact that you treat me horrible
despite the fact that you remind me everyday i'm a bad person because i don't do YOUR job
despite the fact that you abandoned me as an EIGHT year old child
despite the fact that you blame me for being the daughter of your ex-husband
despite the fact that you treat me like a stranger under your suffocating roof
despite the fact that you love your new kids more and your new husband more than my father
despite the fact that you look down on me and my brothers for being the children of your ex-husband
despite the fact that you don't trust me
despite the fact that you said you don't love me
despite the fact that you keep threatening me
despite all of it...
i still found ways to love you more.
but like you said: you'd never believe me because i'm a liar.
would i still be a liar when i'm no longer here anymore?
or are you just too blind to see that you never raised me and i turned out to be a great person without needing you?
i need you, but i don't need you that much.
i was my own mother anyways

you came back again.
but that's only because i let you.
you were the one that said you didn't want me in your life.
and since i've been gone,
no one has been feeding into your crave for attention.
you're like a vampire; you keep on ******* coming back for more.
you know i'm still in love with you,
so you lie to me that you love me back when really you're just using me.
how foolish of me to think
you would ever choose me...
when i'm your last choice.
i still want to be with you though
(and i shouldn't feel that way anymore).

it's preternatural for me to miss your touch when i've never touched you or met you in real life before.
you gave me an experience like no other.
but ever since you've been gone,
i've been trying to fill in the emptiness that you've left in my chest.
but there's no filling of another person that will be able to replace you.
i wish you had stayed

i never liked the color red
i always thought it was overrated
red was known for love
for blood
i never had a reason to like red
watermelon
cherry
apple
i like to eat red
but why would i ever say
"red is my favorite color"
green is way better
but when i met you
you told me your favorite color was red
i never asked why
i wish i had
but ever since you left
i've been learning
how to love red
just like how you
loved it too

you didn't remember my birthday when i told you the first time
but when you told me yours
it was marked in my head
you don't know my favorite color
because you never asked me
but i know yours
it's red
you don't know any of the musicians i like
but i know yours
you don't know how many siblings i have
but i know yours
you don't remember that i'm afraid of relationships
but i remembered every single word you told me
of how people have made you feel less as a human
why do i try so hard to make you stay
when you don't even know
who i am?
when you're not even interested
you just love that i give you attention
how dumb of me to think
you would remember
when
you don't remember
****

i'm afraid you're going to say no
i'm afraid you're going to tell me we can't
i'm afraid you won't include me too
i'm afraid that everything we did to get where we are
was meant for nothing
meant to be destroyed
i'm afraid that if you leave you'll come back again
for the third time
i keep letting you in
and i shouldn't
but i desire your attention
your voice
and your words
i need you
but you don't need me, apparently
please
i hope you know how i truly feel
and i hope you're keeping track of the small things i tell you
i'm so scared that the moments we shared
are now over
forever

you tell me you don't know
you don't know whether to choose between
the friend or the girlfriend
why the **** is your girlfriend a choice
telling me you're bored
so i fed into your entertainment
and you loved it
but that was before i knew
i was going to be the grenade in your lives
i thought we had something special
but i'm not even on your mind
and she isn't even on your mind
then
who are you really thinking of?
if it's not me
or her
what's your new victims name?