I sat down in the shower
It was only a moment, but it felt like an hour
The rain poured down my back
My body was consumed by a panic attack
The water mixed in with the tears that I wept
Overwhelming me from all of the secrets I kept
My sobs a cacophony with the pitter patter of drops
Little black ink stains from my eyes turned to spots
Splattering onto my ankles and my pale clenching hands
I slowly drained away, no longer solid, just sand
A fragile little thing in that shower, I was
Stripped away and torn up, never really
                      
                l
               ­           o
                                    v
          ­                                     e
                                                          *d

Opposite spin
Smiling chagrin
Drudging eyeballs
Standing so tall
Feelin' ******
Livin' gritty
New 'ork City

Weary brittle bone
Shuffling feet
To the beat
Of the dial tone

Smoke sticks
Full of cancer
Ride in enhancers
Of death for kicks

Tantalize our skin
With jewels and lust
Always a must
Going again & again

Testing ourselves
Wanting stories
Can get gory
Tearing books from their shelves

*I''ll never stop

We faded like fragments
White bed sheet tales now
We used to smoke like trains

I think I can, I think I can.

Ashed in each others hearts once or twice
But I didn't mind
With the sunlight on your face

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

I crept across the sheets
Looking at you hungrily
Your eyes danced down my back

The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout

We collided without a sound
I watched your lips part
And muffled murmurs were all that escaped

Hush little baby, don't say a word.

But those tales are only tales
And these white sheets are empty now
I don't know why you left me

How I wonder where you are.

But I mourn for you like a dying lover
And while I do,
I long for another, to take your place

Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack. All dressed in black, black, black.

Yet no one aside from you,
Has taken the time to look inside
So, slowly, I find myself emptying

Ashes to ashes, we all fall down.

And so I wait. And I remember.

Speaking to another,
Leaves a feeling of absence.
Of things wanted to be said.

I got called gray today.
I realized how right he was.
If only someone would splash

*Some color onto me

You were shining in the shade
As the dusk began to fade
I had to turn to you and say,

'Can it always be this way?'

The question never left my lips
And as the sun began to dip
Your eyes were completely lit

All I could do was photosynthesize you.

You keep finding
Yourself
Fawning after her
With doe eyes

"I bet your lips are soft."

Mm.

And there goes everything I've ever known.

Walking in.
In hand, a pink/brown suitcase.
Wearing an orca suit.
Doesn't matter why.
Dark auditorium.
Millions of thumb faces.
Smudged away by the painter.
Stumbling up and down the seats.
Sitting in one.
Getting Up
Moving to another.
All of the sudden in the front row.
Watching the spectacle.
At hand & on stage.
Too bright to actually see.
Just a white sun spot.
Then everyone is waiting.
Women are called on stage.
They are beautiful.
One by one they step up.
The wood floor is worn & polished.
And then they say my name.
And I stand up.
I'm in a tight red dress.
I tip toe to the stage.
All the thumb faces are silent.
Relaxed & unfocused.
I stand there, feeling the end of a joke.
And they clap and we smile.
I'm in between Ellen and Madonna.
Suddenly, every one is gone.
And we leave the stage.
Behind the scene.
Everything is concrete.
Obsolete.
Madonna looks at me.
And I feel myself swallow any hope,
Of an ego.
Eradicated, I know she thinks I'm nothing.
I run to the small bathroom mirror.
My two front teeth are gapped.
Bent inward.
Tears spills out from my eyes and down my face.
I run into the alley and look around.
I remember I left my suitcase where I was sitting.
Back at my seat, everyone is gone.
My suitcase is open and empty.
All my clothes are mixed up with things on the floor.
I slowly gather them.
As the the janitor man applies lipstick,
The movie star mirror looking back.
I walk to the front.
Heels clicking.
A man with long black hair is waiting.
'Why didn't you get my suitcase?'
'I don't know.'

She's all sharp edges
And geometric lines
Bold colors
Unraveling in twines
Touch her
And she'll fold up
Like a flower

A cupid with a golden head
A smile on his angelic face
I had to shoot him dead
Before he put me in my place

Because I've been a bad girl
I haven't loved the way I should
My paper heart began to curl
I burned it so no one else could

But in the laws of love and lust
Such things are punishable by the death
He was sent to arrow the unjust
But I was waiting, eager breath by breath

Sitting in a rose garden, quietly debating
His light foots steps began to ring
Every move I was anticipating
He reached for his bow, as I drew the string

And I killed him with his own arrow
A shot right through the head,
I've never had to love again
As soon as I shot the cupid dead

So many things have happened since I last spoke
I've been flickering in and out of vision
Like someone with a box of matches
On a windy day

Instead of attempting to let oxygen relieve me,
I'm suffocated by the incessant smoking
But burn as I may, I only can become
A pile of ashes

A thin sheen of
                  night sky
                                      covers my skin, my
                                                           fingertips,
                                                                ­                    as I run my
                                                              ­                                    hands
Down the literary
                       parts
                                     of what stars wish
                                                            ­ to be...
                                                                ­              something only meant
                                                                ­                                        for you &
                                                                ­                                                    *me

On the L:
She is simple and frivolous
You are far from chivalrous
She is fueled by fearlessness
You are pumped full of stimulants
She sees the entirety of innocence
You focus on the sombre imminence
She is bright & heavenly but wingless
Your eyes are dark with wickedness
She flicks her hair, always vertiginous
You are both unawarely synchronous
She smiles to her self, radiating magnificence
You feel the bitter grimace of indolence

something is changing, slightly, hardly noticeable

But her light, it shines on you
And you find your self shifting
Glancing at her sun tattoo
She turns to you & smiles
Then everything is changed
Everything floats for a while
As she puts her hand on yours
She scoffs - 'You look gloomy & brooding'
A chuckle escapes, long ago abhorred.
And slowly it'll spread
With the help of this lovely woman
But it'll take awhile for you to get into her head
And you will show her that the glass isn't half empty,
It isn't half full.
It's just a glass of water.

If you roam around my house,
              look about,
        up & down,
                           you'll find many paper cranes.

When I feel empty, I make so many,
                     and leave them random places.

You can find them here,
                and there,
          pretty much everywhere,
                              lined up on window panes.

I never felt the need to gather them,
                      and I most likely never will.

If I put them all together,
                 made sure it was forever,
           they could withstand the weather,
                             and there would be a thousand.
              
They say with a thousand cranes,
                       a wish is granted in your favor.

But I have no wishes,
               so I'll sleep with the fishes,
           after my hands tremble to the point of refrain
                                  & I can no longer make anymore paper cranes.

I dream the dreams no one can see
Pressing my fingers against my wrist
To feel the spaces between my heart beats
Attempting to even out my breathing
I just feel so lost now and then
Can't really set my feet on the ground
Floating up towards the sky again
Rendered speechless by my own head

I'd love to taste some lips
Graze my hips
And kiss my fingertips
Be my tether
Float me like feather
Make me better
And I'll let you keep me
*Forever

I need some love tonight.
But the mason jar up on my shelf,
It's all emptied out.
Crystal clear,
Like my tears.
God, why are you so emo?
So I smashed it up against the wall,
In a fit of rage.
Ha ha ha.

You are your whole universe
Infinite & complex
With vast space for
What makes you to reside

Although your broadness can
Feel empty, too extensive & lonely
You are limitless, boundless,
Imperfectly organized chaos

Let yourself surround you,
     But never drown you.

Alone, I am restricted to silence,
In your presence, I worship your voice,
I close my eyes,
to feel,
to decipher,
Every sound you make.
My lips touch yours, and the meaning of life is clear,
In a life of turbulence, we as one become an oasis of serenity,
You define me,
Through this my soul flourishes.
Without you, tranquility shall be disturbed,
A burden from this world is lifted off from my shoulders,
Replaced with my lover’s arms.
This is love as we know it.
Alone, I am restricted to silence,
In your presence, I worship you.



The love between us;
palpable.
Only lovers could grasp the depth,
Only we can feel the warmth.

The love between us;
perceptible.
You can hear the love in my words,
I can taste the love upon your lips.

The love between us;
ignites when we become one.

Riding to the post office
On my red Schwinn
My shoes, they have holes
Because they are my favorite
And I won't stop wearing them
Until I get new ones
I'm in weather heaven
And I park my bike &
Hook it up to the bar
That I keep getting yelled at
For hooking it up to
Walk in, wait in line
And there is a baby boy
In a lady's arms, with
Bright blue eyes and
Fiery red hair, as he looks at me
With wide wide eyes
He soaks in everything that I am
His baby brain over sensitive
Firing neurons that make
Him **** in every detail
Overwhelming his little head
And he grins a tiny,
Toothless smile at me
I grin & look away
I wish I could have kids...
I buy my stamps & send a package
To my uncle
Then I go unhook my bike
Ride this weather like
A bird & try not to think
About that fiery red haired child

There isn't much that turns these wheels
But there is plenty that can turn these heels
I think the sympathy packed up its tiny suitcase
It grew tired of my wasted face
And I don't think I'm lonely without it
I'm not much of a compassionate
Never was

Even the girls at the diner agree
They can see
Behind these black eyelashes
There isn't anything in me
That would make a man's
Cheeks rosy
I can't be cozy
I don't need company

A* chiffon floral blouse
Torn to pieces on the floor
Aside a girl as delicate as a flower
Curled around a pillow
Her petals ripped *away

While you were gone,
          I was dreaming fantastic dreams,
                    that make you seem,
             ordinary.

And in these dreams,
                        So it seems,
                             I met the ocean deep below,
      He grabbed me hold and told me he'd never let me go.

Why choose land when you can have the sea?
                        I'm just a summer's breeze
                             Rippling the water occasionally
    But he admired my company (that's enough for me)

So I'm diving into the deep dark blue
                   To the parts of him no one knew
                           Purely encompassed in wavy conversation
    The shivery conversations made of vibrations

*"And I asked myself about the present:
                  how wide it was,  
                                         how deep it was,  
       how much was mine to keep."

The youth are scratching up their throats
with paper & tobacco smokes.

Pinpricking holes in the fleshy, lonely parts
of their abandoned souls.

Rolling nature into little papers and trying
to slow the pleasure.

Drowning their sorrows in sickly sweets borrowed
from their parents' liquor cabinets.

Candy pills and paper squares dissolving,
highlighting the bright, evolving.

We came of age, we trade in our dreams for smoke, bottles, powder, needles, hallucinations, vibrations and green.

We saw others crumble, dead or alive, it spit all of us out eventually.

For those who lived, it's sad to see our fallen brethren as we walk towards adult mediocrity.

Sleepy murmurs with the shades drawn shut
Only a thin crack of light attempting to say,
A early & abrupt good morning
But I don't really want a morning at all
Rolling over as the sheets rub my skin
Light & airy, but I feel very heavy
I admire you in muted silence
You meet my eyes with ocean calm
I shift closer to you, pulling my chest to yours
You wrap your arms around me
And I do the same, we are mirrors
I lay my head against your collar bone
Let out a long held breath,
That pushes it's way out hurriedly
One of my legs goes between yours
A tangle of me & you
I feel your chin on my head
I feel like a tiny flower in your hands
I whisper, closing my eyes,
"Is it going to be like this forever?"
I feel you sigh,
Your chest rises & falls
Filled, then emptied with it
You run your hand over,
Then through my hair
And I let out a thankful bit of air
"Only if you want it to be, my love."

I'd focus if windows were always
                                                        open,
And doors didn't
                           *exist.

I don't like people. I like red wine & cigarettes.

i sometimes sing myself to sleep so i can forget your soft voice murmuring

but it's never enough to erase your rough touch from my frail being

and as i lay awake and think about dreams that will suffocate me,

i can almost see the endless amount of breaths i wasted waiting for someone to love me.

Sentimental mentality
She kept
She tossed away all of the things
People say
Her motto being none and
None alike

When I stand in the sun without makeup
You can see my tiny little purple veins
Like spiderwebs splashed on my eyelids
My pupils are almost as big as the world
And I can see all that it is, all that was
But not all that it is going to be
But I can see,
Oh, baby,
I can see
Standing around and watch people pass
Casually resting on a handrail by the library
They all have worries & cares & no one cares
About any cares but their own, they pretend
I blink my eyes and the world shifts
I can see it shift,
Oh, baby,
I can see it shift.

Pt. 1: Before
To the filter, the only thing of me you'll have.


                                 Pt. 2: Over
                                 Whisper softly, I won't be one of your bad habits.


Pt. 3: After
I'm smoke, catch me in your hands, if you can.

A tri-pod death
One-two-three
You should have seen
The way my sister looked at me
It was such a surprise
I looked at her widened eyes
She didn't understand why I cried
Sadness turned to rage
It wasn't her fault, but her age
I crumpled up the page
That brought the news
My parents sister, niece, and nephew
My fists turned black & blue
I was only six years old
Didn't grasp how fire made them cold
Of all these things that I was told
I screamed and couldn't understand
Why God, had used his hand
I think that's when I turned my back
On the promise of his promised land
The hardest part was the coffins size
One for an adult, a teenager, and a tiny child
Older, I later went and apologized
To my sister for the things I said
She didn't remember the words I bled
But it relieved me when she said forgive &
Forget

I BROKE my wrist
Snapped it like a TWIG
So I couldn't wave AWAY
The THINGS that they don't say
I'm being FORGOTTEN again
I'm trying to turn my HEAD
But it SNAPS along too
I'm a crumpled HEAP
Of TEARS and BONES
NO STICKS, NO STONES
I CAN'T look away
I can't BRUSH away
That they don't say anything
That I'm being forgotten, *again

Time creeps by here
Lazily waving goodbye, dear
And it slides agonizingly near
Before moving on to the next year

Your lips look so lovely forming around a cigarette
Your eyes reflecting the perfect shade of regret

It's a permanent solution for a temporary problem
I wish you could breathe another breath
But, for some reason, instead of that,
You chose death.
And I'd love to hold you tight, shake your insides soft
As if filled by a million crashing waves
Every friend would whisper in your ear,
That you could live a million days.
*And that it wouldn't, couldn't, be bad all the time