Come with me,
On a journey
Travel the sea
With me
With me
We'll hitch a ride
On a whale's hide
Or if we get cold
From the winter wind
We can hide in his belly
He won't mind
The wind'll blow
In little drawn swirls
And we'll dance
In the belly of a whale
In the belly of a whale
You can pull the ribbon
Out of my hair
Take my lips by storm
Take me there
My dress umbrella out
Make me shout
Make me shout
I'd really like to love you
I put my hands on my cheeks
And hope my brain,
My heart, my head
Will choose to know you
You are so chic
Oh so unique

She smelled strongly of coffee and cigarettes.
Was that the last time that we met? I forget.
I dreamt about her breath, her beautiful face.
They still permeate every single membrane.
I wake, my fingers ache to lay on soft skin.
*But emptiness fills the air, and she isn't there.

I’m a wooden doll.
With a cage for a chest.
I do not dream.
I do not rest.
I think I feel.
But it might be in my head.
Can I dream?
Am I dead?
My arms are stiff.
My joints are creaking.
Someone has cut the strings.
Now I’m the one thinking.
My face is painted, and I’m smiling.
Yet, I’m here, inside,
Crying.

The world is lonely while they cry for help and
                    they reach their hands up.
In words, in books, in paintings,
                    they portray their loneliness hidden or blatant.
But even that isn't enough to highlight
                    the lowlights of our lives
It's in our blood, it's in our veins, our bones,
                    it's in the cigarettes that we smoke.
Which fills the air and wails out loud,
                    screaming a symphony of isolation.
It's hidden in the corners of the cities,
                     hidden in the tall green grass of the countryside
It's everywhere you look, in famous words,
                     in ancient books.
It fills your mind, it takes you hold, it's in the tiniest key hole,
                     but enough.
It's enough to spark a burning fire, to long for another's touch,
                     to feel desire
From another human being,
                     to share in what is the only thing worth keeping
Human company. We long, we dream, we scream for it,
                     and we hope it favors us too.
It's overwhelming, it makes me, it makes me long
                     like so many others
We are not alone in our loneliness
                     and what a queer thought that is

*“Wir können uns einreden, dass wir mit einem Buch nicht allein sind, wie wir uns einreden können, dass wir mit einem Menschen nicht allein sind.”

I read something from a long time ago.
And it made me cry.
The thunder outside told me to shut up.
And then I realized it was raining.
But I stopped crying.
Because I'm not supposed to, cry, I mean.
And I grabbed a cigarette.
And my zippo that says lucky on it.
Made of '04.
I love that lighter.
I went outside and lit it.
But I didn't want my mom to come out.
And see how I was.
So I started walking in the rain.
I didn't want my cigarette to get hit by the rain.
So I stuck it underneath my shirt.
And then I walked.
And while I was walking, I tripped.
I accidentally burned my belly button.
How the **** did I manage that.

I'm so stupid

So I walked to the side of the house.
There is a little porch big enough for one.
I finished my cigarette with my eyes closed.
Just listening to the rain.
When it was done, I walked up to the steps.
And I sat down, still getting pelted with water.
I realized I couldn't keep sitting, I was shaking.
So I got up and started walking towards the back of the house.
I walked to the very back, towards the alleyway.
Making sure to drag my feet in the puddles, soaking my pajama pants.
I got to the back gate.
And I started crying again.

You are hopeless, this is hopeless, what are you even doing here?

The thunder told me to shut up again.

You are wasteless

I saw my old trampoline and started jumping on it.
When I was little, I used to sing to the rain.
I would sing good songs, to try and soothe it.
Never sing 'rain rain go away'.
That's makes the rain upset.
And the thunder says to stop.
So I jumped.
And I sang a little bit.
Then I laid down and closed my eyes.
Just got completely soaked, y'know.

You are going to be okay, everything is okay.

Just felt the pitter patter of rain drops on me.
Tried to bury my zippo in my clothes so it wouldn't get wet.
Then I got up, cried a little more.
And I walked back.
I walked back towards the front of the house slowly.

You are going to be okay, everything is okay.

Dragging my feet in puddles.

I miss you Grant, I hate you Sam, and I love you..Well, you know who you are.

Just getting completely soaked.

You are going to be okay, everything is okay.

And I went inside, smiled at my mom.
Went downstairs.
And changed my clothes.
Began getting ready for work.


You are going to be okay, everything is okay.





*You are not okay, everything is not going to be okay.

I'm getting a desk tomorrow
To be sitting in a chair
I can write, and paint
I couldn't do those things
Before
Not the way I needed
I need this metaphorical
Structure
I believe that a desk will
Always be a staple in my life
Solid & mine

I've lived through roughly six thousand five hundred and seventy sunsets,

Yet nothing compares to the light you have shined upon my face in only two very long days.

I am not an empty vase for you to collect your dead flowers in.

Brazen collarbones
Alabaster dream
Jutting out like little wings
Pouty grin
Ready to fire quicker
Than any takers
Girl, you sit there,
And I can tell
You want to watch
Men burn

My eyes are burning.
Everything is too bright to see.
There’s a clenching in my stomach.
No one feels it but me.

Blindness is creeping up.
Yes somehow everything is so clear.
Nothing is quiet in this head of mine.
I need you now more than ever my dear.

My hands are shaking.
I cannot keep this fear still.
My heart is ******* in knots.
I’m moved but I cannot feel (it).

In so doing exposes ribs, vulnerable to fracture, leaky marrow drains, what remains?

*Not the flesh, no not the flesh, only the towering white towers that will eventually turn to dust and be cycled through a cylinder smooth unisex creature that changes everything into dirt. Later on providing the food for the hand which will eventually get bitten.

Head floating.
Thump thump
Thumping in your head.
Thump thump
You can feel every breath
Inhale
Dragging down your throat
Exhale
Each one a different texture
Inhale
Soft and cool, slipping down
Exhale
Climbing up, pushing out
Inhale
Your chest a vast cavern
Exhale
And every nerve attentive
Thump thump
Not being able to speak
Should I?
Nothing is important enough to say
Is it?
You are amplified and too focused
Am I?
Every thought decaying
Thump thump
You can feel the pieces falling
Thump thump
Making your heart quiver
Thump thump
And it goes on for hours
Thump thump
Which seems like years

Thump thump
And you can't hide your fears

Thump
They focus on you

Thump
And latch onto you

Thum
They love you

Thu
Don't let them go

Th
You need them

T
And they

.
need you.

I wish I were a cigarette
Perched in-between your perfect arched lips
Breathe me into you
I'll swirl in smoke tendrils around your face
And then I'll happily fade away
Until you light up another later
Being your bad habit isn't so bad
If that's what I am to you,
I'll take it

Raw
Tender
Exposed
Paranormal
Spectre spectacle
Nearly translucent
Wearing a little
Black dress
Oh so lovely,
Nice black stockings
Pale as a little
Ghosty
I'm ever fading
Please,
Pull me back
Into a place
Called 'tangible'
Oh no.
My eyes
Widen with fear
As I disappear
*whoosh

Head to the body
Swallow hot toddy

A dash of narcissism

To make the throat burn
Make my insides churn

A dollop of ego

And I'm getting drunk
On your self-absorbed funk

All mixed in hot

I do it recreationally
Unconnected emotionally

We pretend we care for one another

I'm so angry at you
For what you do to me

As if you could ever see
How I've become so blurry

Trying & failing to meet
You're watery priorities

I'm black & white baby
And you're making my ink bleed

I think
That I will see
What it's like to be
So cold and angry

I'll step into
Your worn down shoes
Look for clues
Of why your laces are loose

I'll tear your back
Pull at the crack
Ivory is lack
Stepping into the sack

Reddish burns
Eyeballs churn
Having to relearn
Basic motor functions

Listless lovers under the covers, turned away from one another

They were knotted together as soon as their heart strings brushed

The fire that was dancing on the sheets simmering to a small ember

Eyes cast to the walls while ardent fingers pick at their unkempt bind

Shadows that once crossed merrily cower in the corner of the room

They wait patiently for one to grab the scissors off the bedside table

And to cut the tangled strands.

We ride down streets I don't know
With Spanish rock on the stereo

The street lamps are strange shades
I close my eyes as everything fades

I think of all the things I want to be
All the women I could see

You can call me before I go to sleep
And I'll listen to your voice through my dreams

Overly prideful
Incredibly flawed
Aware of all the flaws that exist
Poke at them in my mirror
See them more than you do
You might've been able to recognize them
If you had spent 17 years looking at them, too
They say flaws are beautiful
They say it's what makes us human
What if I don't want to be human?
Now what do you tell me?
Hm?

Pigments are filling your eyes
Painting a beautiful picture of your demise
Skin disappearing into thin air
Running non-existent fingers through your hair
Cannot forget the pitter patter of feet
Overwhelmed by the noise of an empty seat
Bones jutting out in a skeletal way
Nonexistent lovers never stay

A beautiful symbolism of death
The leaves are falling as they turn red
And your feet greet the pavement with vigor
Eyes reflecting the warm, fiery colors
You tuck yourself up in a tight knit sweater
Cheeks flushed and skin so alabaster
Sit on a bench to reflect and regret
It already begun & it's not over yet

I'm in a closed box
With tape on the top
Don't have any scissors
Have to use my fingernails
Scratch Scratch Scratch
Doesn't work
****
Maybe I should shout?
Let me out?! Let me out!
No one is listening.
I look through the slit
Through the clear tape
I touch my hand to the top
Of my cardboard box
All I see is white outside
I go to curl up a bit
Moving my hand,
But I can't
It sticks
To the top of the box
And I tug & pull
But it doesn't come off
I let out a small sound
I prop my other hand
On the side
And then I realize
That it's now also attached
****
Panic creeps into
The back of my brain
I pull very hard
But to no avail
I start to scream and thrash
As my skin
Touches the box
It sticks
And now I'm still
Still as can be
The box is holding me
Prisoner
The more I tug
The more I feel
Myself getting tugged
Towards it's surface
What is it's purpose?
I put this box in
The back of my brain
Long ago
What was in it?
I really don't know
Or I just can't remember
I'm overly uncomfortable
Then I realize,
I'm in it
And it's trying to consume me
I shouldn't have done it
I put my, myself in this box
And I tossed it into
The back of my brain
I have to refrain
From screaming in pain
As the box let's go of
My skin
I hear the schick schick
Of the tape peeling off
The top of the box
Opens very quietly
I stand up and stretch
Afraid it'll happen
Again
And get out of the box
Before it changes it's mind
And I look around
It's all white
So, this is what the inside of
My head looks like
Boxes upon boxes
Are stacked up like skyscrapers
I see some scissors
Lying beside the now open
Box
I look around again
Then I grab the scissors &
A box,
Slash the tape
Hoping to find all of
Myself again

When dancing skin illuminates your sin
I'll bask in the sight of your fair moonlight

When the warmth emanates your intakes and outakes
I'll fill my lungs with those sounds that I've found

When your hands are bands of muscles grasping me
I'll tantalize and tease, listen to you gasping 'please..'

But I want to drown in this, sink with me on this ship
I'll toss the sheets away, making white rippling waves

And we'll sail away, my dear, toss away hesitation and fear
As I'll lick the tender tendrils of your soul, just let go

So that I can hold triumph in the soft sounds of satisfied echoes
Gently tracing your skin, reminiscing the spots I've been kissing

As your eyes gently close, and the moonlight softens to a glow
I let you fade away into the night, but with me by your side

Read each word
Reach for each word
Let it sit in your mouth
Twirl in with your tongue
Taste it
Savor it
Feel it on your cheek
Then speak

Twisting, spinning, agonizing pain!
Coming in crashing, smashing waves!
Overlapping, faster, faster, faster!
And then slowing to a stand still
Recovering from the drilling
My body is slowly chilling
But then it comes back!
I'm again under attack!
This torture, I do not lack.

I sometimes imagine my hands on your  

                           cool skin.

Hush, love, just let your warmth grow

                                                    from within.

Let your light seep out the corners of your

              almond eyes.

I ache to hear the cacophony of your lovely,

                                 begging sighs.

You make my laugh tumble like inefficient

      lovers dancing.

As you writhe and swirl, my heartstrings are for your

                                                         fingers grasping.

I'll miss you
But most of all,
I'll miss how I was,
When I was,
With you.

Before you left,
Running away,
From the memory,
Of me,
And who you were.

May the light,
Of the morning sky,
Be tinged on,
Your eyes,
*Be filled with longing.

Hope you get shot
By a robot slot
Machine
Bullet will pass
Straight through your gap
Teeth

A bluebird chirps.
Chirps "Put it down."
So I did.
A bluebird,
Saved my life that day.

Weary brittle bone
Shuffling feet
To the beat
Of the dial tone

Smoke sticks
Full of cancer
Ride in enhancers
Of death for kicks

Tantalize our skin
With jewels and lust
Always a must
Going again & again

Testing ourselves
Wanting stories
Can get gory
Tearing books from their shelves

*I''ll never stop

Crystalline shards, we are what we choose to be..
                                                            ­                            .
                                   ­                                                   .      .
     ­                                                                 ­               f     .                                                                ­                      
                                                                ­                        .   r
                                                               ­                    .   a      .
                                                                ­                           g .
                                                               ­                         m
                                      ­                                               .         e .
                                                               ­                   .  n        t    
                                                                ­                        s  .
                                    ­                                                       .
                                                               ­                       .
                                        ­                                                    .
           ­                                                                 ­        .         .
                                                               ­                           .
                                    ­                                                 .
                                                                ­                         .
                                                               ­                       .I'll  .
                                                        ­                        end up in      .
                                                       ­                     crumpled heap
                                                                ­     .  .   at my own feet.. ..

I sat down in the shower
It was only a moment, but it felt like an hour
The rain poured down my back
My body was consumed by a panic attack
The water mixed in with the tears that I wept
Overwhelming me from all of the secrets I kept
My sobs a cacophony with the pitter patter of drops
Little black ink stains from my eyes turned to spots
Splattering onto my ankles and my pale clenching hands
I slowly drained away, no longer solid, just sand
A fragile little thing in that shower, I was
Stripped away and torn up, never really
                      
                l
               ­           o
                                    v
          ­                                     e
                                                          *d