I stare at her across the bar, between the bottles covering the worn out stained oak
varnish tarnished, wood soaked
from years
of ashed out cigarettes and spilt beers
slopped spirits from over zealous cheers
she's younger than I imagined, aged as a fine wine
her eyes locked on mine
I see the solar system, galaxies
surrounding the
pupils blacker than the abyss of the outer reaches of space
a lovely contrast to the lightness of her face
I pull up a seat beside her trying to spark a conversation
on life, nature, hopes for modern civilization or even space exploration
she says "quiet now my son, patience"
you're to focused on what you're saying
without hearing what you're conveying
her hand pressed to my heart and she said 43 beats I remember
39 when you sleep, but 84 when you're tempered
I asked her the significance
she said it's all about the difference
how my world is at peace when I am asleep
but pointless rage forces the increase
this life can go no faster
and you will know no master
so focused on breaking the mold, or shattering the plaster
when we really need the subtle hand to make the cast first
she said you see me all in your own ways
I saw her as a woman, soft eyes with a caring face
for no man knows the subtle intricacies and nuances that make living worth the fight
I met god in a bar, she walked me home in the beautiful night
we spoke of love, happiness and the pursuit  of this life...

I didn't even notice the roses.
My attention was on the street,
trying to see the people that were seeing me.
Looking for a glimpse of an expression -
any indication of their impression.
                                              Does this please you?
                                           Do you like what you see?
Because even though our visions and perceptions
are the most misleading of the senses,
this world thrives on what catches the eyes
And images are the real thing.

So, what do you infer from my demeanor?
I've tried to project my best construction
of what I have decided is me for
your discriminating eyes.

Have I at least peaked your interest
as you were passing by?

I only live to be a charming aspect
of someone's blurred view
as they speed through life.

I tried to forget,
I tried to run,
I left so far away
Just to forget,
But I can't,
Forget.
Your memory stuck to my head
Like gum to a desk,
Just sitting there,
Getting filled with more pieces
Of time we spent
Of time we shared
Of memories lost
Of memories gained,
The good, the bad
The happy, and sad
These twisted memories
Of what we are?
Who we are?
But honestly were we anything?
Friends,
Or...
Lovers...
Lost to a disenchanted sense of time,
when things were simpler
Carefree,
Were school didn't matter
And looks weren't everything,
Were time and distance couldn't separate us.
That place is nothing more than a nightmare
A place I can't go,
A place of dark twisted dreams
That show the truth
A truth I can't yet know,
So..
I won't go,
I shouldn't go,
But I went,
And I came.
I found the truth
But what is truth?
Truth is just lies
Lies upon lies
Lies told throughout time,
Lies told so much
They become truths ,
So what is the truth?
You,
Me,
Together?
Maybe,
Maybe not,
All I can say is
My truth is my nightmare
My nightmare is my life
My life is my lie
And my lie is you.

**** THAT
so i did my research
and what i found is that
THIS SITE IS FOR THE DRAMITIC
lost in love
driven to the deepest of depression post death
fear
and someone trying to motivate us all
**** THAT
i am not in love
because i am crazy and needy
i am hurting because i miss you and i am afraid when i leave i wont be missed
i am lazy
i am what i knew in eighth grade i would never be
but i hear you Michael
i know exactly where to start
and if you just read this
you know where to start too.

heart permanently broken
tears constantly rolling
creativity consistently flowing
but i don't want this
i had walked away from this
taken the back roads hoping to get lost
so i'd never have to return here
i left no note
or clothes behind
i was gone from here
i know you're wondering why
but even though the fruit is the sweetest
the air is the thinest here
and the juice just aint worth the squeeze
i know plenty that have thrived from here
living a life that was truly derived from here
media loves it
tales from rags to riches
triumph out of the slums and depression and despair
but i didn't want to come back here
here my heart rate slows do to lack of love and happiness
here my eyes swell and are red from forcing out my bitterness
here my mouth utters the most profound words of expression
here i write
not about some roller coaster life
but a constant decline
where i am only anticipating the splat that follows whistling
misery loves company
but i fight it
because to pull you down here
is a crab culture of which i cant participate
i dont want to be here
i dont want to write
but if i discard my pen and paper
then i will only exist here
it will consume me
restrict me from showing love
and creating a smile
it will **** me
so i write
hoping to get to a place where i have nothing to say
a place where i wont need to escape
i allowed you to bring me back here
i walked behind you on a path that i thought would only take me further from here
i gave up my control
covered my eyes
and listened only to your voice
and i followed
and when i know longer could here you speaking i opened my mouth
calling out your name
yelling my regret
voicing my fear
and then i opened my eyes
stained ink on white paper
fighting for each breath
i was here again

I am jealous, write your own poetry.

so let me tell you of my digressions
my hopeless realm of repetition
i am armed with
2 blacks
4 grams
and a pack of sour patches to keep me snackin
i have yet again
settled in
to my barb wired trenches in this hell

Better Is The Devil You Know
Than To Go Fishing For A Stranger

so i sit calmly
because i suppose it is
Better To Be Patient
than to act out of this anger
cause ive considered killing you at my leisure

Why **** Him
Cant You Just Leave And Feel The Same
Satisfaction

no
cause if i could then
would i be here smackin on these cracklins
I brought those to delay the decaying of
teeth as i endudge in
what's first sour then sweet
my cavity
and i fein
from one fix to the next
Oh wrong C
i said Cavity
i mean
*******
Crack rock
Crack baby
reaching for that pacifier
higher and higher i go
while diving deeper in this hole
no point of return
no lessons were learned by previous heartaches
i ache
cause i aint
exactly who i used to be
grabbed by my foundation
and ripped the roots from under me

God Heals All Things

But what about the ***** that breaks ****
takes ****
gets it how he lives and makes ****
Cause this sweet southern soul
is growing old
and i've been told that revenge is so sweet
and baby i'm gon eat

the troops have been patient
but now
we brazen
and a revolt is all i see.

Where is my moon?
I ask these questions to you
I need a woman so self assured
A gem so beautiful & hungry for truth
Where's the love I so willingly yern for?
I guess i'll be searching for you in another life time
For I've looked in my life time without success
My hope for true love is all but gone
I wished for long conversations
Intimate kisses
****** curesses
So my scroll of what could be is dead
The willow tree of her & I pictured in my mind is gone
The slow song of when we first engage in tender love making is erased
Im sorry for my displaced non existence hope of love
A fairy tale unfit for this awful era of life
So let me end this with 2 words
Why love?