Where were you when it all faded
when my life broken and dilapidated
crumbled under the fire of a setting sun
we placed the stars in jars to light the path we chose to run
begging for the moon to paint the path with it's pending illumination
I set my eyes to the sky for the calming meditation
bow my head to Polaris for remaining still and patient
then blow kisses to the constellations

Yet where were you when it all faded?
When the heavens rained down onto my skin stripped naked
cast into the sea, I am the leviathan awaiting my chance to consume the world
trapped in the bottom of the ocean along with the oysters and pearls
that will one day line the wrists of rich girls
milk white with thick swirls
I'm alone in the ocean, buried 3 leagues
under this sea
bare of all the former traces of me

Where were you when it all faded?
absent from the life you vacated
I place these stars in jars and run through the scattered trees
in search of the path that brings you back to me...

Her eyes spoke volumes, more than her lips meant to divulge
the once warm brown pupils turning a stinging gray cold
piercing my impenetrable walls built around this fragile heart
chipping each brick apart
cracking the mortar, turning rough stone to pebbles
pulling the flowers petals
she loves me not, she loves me not, perhaps I'm forgetting a step
the shortness of breath
left my hands to tingle in the warm july air
she spoke volumes in her stare
her hands restless running through her hair
her smiling lips were the puppets to the eyes anguish filled ventriloquism
I drowned out her words and let my eyes listen...

They answer,
what they think you want to hear,
They agree with everything you say,
they try to tame and calm you,
When you seem 'out of control',
They say in quieted whispers,
what no one should ever say,
holding you down,
placing fingers over lips that wish to speak,
'Hush my darling, your words are not valuable, like mine'.
They are mean to you.
They want you for your toys,
And nothing more.

Amidst a day cloaked in grey and cold
Like it was dressed in the angry, divisive garments of the world.
I saw a thing of beauty.
Shed tears in my heart and rejoiced in the quiet.
It unfolded before me holding hands with my friend.
The beauty and power that lie deep in the depths of us.
That come forth when we see truth.
With threatening ideas and analog notions;
     honor, faith, sacrifice, commitment.

Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder?
So if I don't see it, it must not be beautiful.
If I don't believe it, it must not be true?
I saw a thing of beauty,
     whether you did or not
          whether you can or not
                Make a mockery if you wish
The fear of grace,
     the weariness of believing,          
          the soul worn out from abuse,
                or neglect or excess
To see a beautiful thing and turn it into fools gold
  When pure gold is too bright for eyes that have grown accustomed to the darkness.

I saw a thing of beauty,
I don't want to own it,
I just want to share it.
We will see this beauty and  be afraid together.

I always wanted to
  Marry, merry Mary.
  But knew not how to propose.

And so I went to fetch her flowers
  Rows of roses rose
  before me, presenting many choices but producing a tear.

My sorrow was broken by a
  Sheer, cheer, chear,
  my friends wishing my love to ignite

Be not discouraged, your love is a
  lite, light. Alighted
  by the tender flame your heart abates.

And Mary loves you, despite her long
  way and weighty wait
  She knows you're worth it and why

So put on your best suit and
  tie that Thai  tie  
  of azure that matches your eyes

That's Mary's favorite, said
  I, aye, eye
  And she's sure to say yes, yes, yes

  to such a fool in love

Air thin and caustic
each gasp leaving me a step closer to nauseous
lips taste the reality bitter and noxious
feel every breath taken, leaves me chest riven with anxiety
killing this ache that eats away at the dreams that live inside of me
if eyes are the windows to the souls, these eyelids secure my privacy
smothering the hazel pools from basking in sun ray's, yet these makeshift curtains no match for a fire sky
heart strained reminded of dire times
where I combined
every ounce of energy I could muster into one effort
made my bets and held my breath awaiting my death's ledger
the hypoxic reality that ensued
haunted me with ghostly recollections of you
my restless mind ventured through memories plagued with stinging sensations of uncompromising resent
I factored in my all the time spent
as well as my mind's rent
that you owed, being its only tenant
yet now that all emotional debts seem square, I don't have the heart to spend it
perhaps I'll store it away in notebooks and old pictures, praying the balance accrues interest over time left untouched in this my personal account
in something other than your love and its varying amount
battered hands pain-stakingly surmount
the pile of photos and letters, written with a future in mind
eyes wide, allowed you views inside
air thin and caustic, the light draining from these windows that leave my eyes dull
remain motionless, praying on a change, searching for my revival...

Your ghost tucks me in, yet never lets me sleep
Your ghost lies awake simply haunting me
Your ghost riles me awake
with the same familiar violent shake
that leaves me breathless alone only wrapped in sheets we bought together
Your ghost hides your letters
amid my stacks of papers
in hopes I find them later
finding them at precisely the moment when your memory has almost been entirely washed away
your ghost remains
leaving trinkets that force me to relapse
to a past
where your ghost never existed
for when you walked out of our life, you forget to take the ghost that came with it...