She caught me cleaning the countertops
in the kitchen,
coffee stains and crumbs of
corn chex
needing removal and
crunchy disposal.

she came unexpected.

off to shower, she had said.

she watched silently,
then wept copiously,
bawling as if it were the first time,
tears and copious were married.

what! what did I do?

you cleaned the countertops,
reminding me why
I love you.

I lent her my paper towel,
for surely she needed it now
more than those countertops.

She brings me morning coffee and tissues
(Tissues, ostensibly a coaster)
for she knowing.

Poetry,
I am writing,
needing then,
to wipe up
the spilling
tears.


PostScript:
Which of the mysteries within this poem
need answers?
All or None.

had to
give a speech
at a funeral,
tried to leave them laughing,
happy to be sad.

but i done it.

whipped those rivulets
back up and into
those emptying tear ducts.

bring on the next act,
be prepared, scouts,
to exercise your
laughs lines.

you see,
when the deceased
and me,
walked twenty paces
behind you,
close enough that y'all
could not hear,
we cackled and cracked jokes,
in joyous wonderment
of our own foibles,
drunk silly on our silliness.

the jokes went from
bad to worse,
the worse it got,
the harder
we laughed.

so i ask you this?

did you're hear the one about
the grandpa
who asked his grandchild,
could he possibly source
a little yellow pill,
in return for
twenty bucks
under his pillow?

Sure, said the grandchild,
he knew where
his dad kept,
hid his stash,
free cash.

Next morning,
the child found
$120 bucks
underneath his pillow.

asked his grandpa,
what's the story, gramps?

the  twenty was from me,
as agreed.
the hundred dollar bill, well,
that was from Grandma.

a true story, maybe.

so long grandpa,
thanks for the good advice,

always leave 'em laughing!

then he broke down,
weeping inconsolable.

My jobs not great but its money
I don't need a girl but wish someone would love me
Tough love hard thoughts to cope with
Bad choice tough decisions
Part of taking control had enough
The rain is my weather makes things better
Thankful and overall growing  up
Even if life is more than showing up
Not caring staring off in the distant
Feeling numb being resistant
Consumed by anxiety hard to breathe
I know dreams shared them
Even if no one cared for them
Life lesson learned time already served
You chose less that's what you deserve

I had never thought about the repercussions, you know?
Living too fast.

I'd always thought that it would be cool,
like the stoner kids in high school that were always
at 7-11 during fourth period.

I spent my whole life waiting for someone to invite me in.

And then someone did.

All of a sudden,
my life was a whirlwind of
midnight city lights
induced euphoria
yelling from street corners
and jumping from rooftops,
just to see if we could make it.

It was great and perfect for a while.

I had friends in high places.

I found my muse.

I always had somewhere to be on a Friday night.

I loved every second of it.

But now I'm not so sure.
It's as if I waited too long to pull myself out.
All of a sudden, I can't remember what it was like
to be boring;
happy.

To be a teenager in a world like this is not as easy as some may think.
Nothing comes easy; life passes you by just as fast as you can blink.
Stepping into high school, is like stepping into another world
There’s peer pressure, ***, violence, and too many fights to imagine.
People, who you thought were your friends, are the ones you mainly end up fighting.

To be a teenager in a world like this who the people here, just isn’t fair.
They will seem cool face to face, but when things go wrong, they act as if they don’t care.
They will judge you whether you’re doing something good or doing something wrong.
Talk about you, or even laugh in your face as if you’re some dumb song.
You got to be careful who you call your “friend”

To be a teenager in a world like this is nothing new.
Just because I have never done drugs, doesn’t mean I’m not cool.
I barely get into it with people around me.
But, just because I’m not a fighter doesn’t make me weak.
Mama always told me to think before I speak.

To be a teenager in a world like this is what I never thought I’d be like.
Me focusing hard in class, and making good grades is not as easy as riding a bike.
Some, who’ve seen me, may think I’m quiet.
But, that doesn’t mean I don’t speak up for what’s right.
I’m just a regular teenage girl who’s just trying to make it out high school alright.