my parents may be disappointed in me
my bones may ache
and my friends may hate me
but none of that hurts compared to what you did to me

dying is a get out of jail free card
you can be as bold as you want and not get into trouble for it

you have stars on your ceiling that glow in that darkness that you loved so much
and I think your favorite color was green or orange
and I thought ignoring you and not talking to you would be hard but oh god it's so easy and that scares me
but I remember when you told me everything from who you had a silly little crush on to your biggest fears
and now it's been months since I've talked to you and not hated myself for giving in

im in love with cities I've never been to and people I've never met

I can't remember what it feels like to wake up feeling ready for the day but instead I feel the same tiredness that put me to sleep at four in the morning

getting on a plane in a month makes me want to never come back

the devil isn't evil or frightening
he's beautiful and appears as an angel
the most contagious laugh that you have ever heard
big hazel eyes with freckles that scatter his skin like the night sky
he makes you love him when and he doesn't even try
adventurous and curious
smart and humble
the pain that he brings is unbearable because as soon as you love him
he's gone

while all my friends are making fantastic grades and excelling in sports and arts, I can barely comprehend my own thoughts into words