I could lay here forever
On this old lumpy mattress
Watching your smile
Listening to you talk
You are why I breathe

Because you are every
good,
clean,
pure,
and wonderful thing on this planet
You let off sunshine with your smile
And I am every piece of toxic waste that fills this universe and pollutes the air that is slowly choking you
I don't deserve you

everyone has dark cellars
scattered within their body,
vanishing, pulling down planets
and cobwebs from the forgotten
corners of the room.
please enter my confetti filled castle
and slip elegantly on the rain soaked floor.
laugh at the paper airplanes we used to
make as kids that barely flew straight and
how every grandpa seems angry when they type.
nothing is important unless you allow it to be.
i'll buy a needle and thread and stitch together my words into
the warmest blanket for you to sleep under,
but falling asleep seems like a waste of time, and
we will probably get complaints about that.

far from asleep, anxiously waiting
for the sun to peel away
the husk of the moon so
i know that i survived another
long lonely night.
nowhere feels like home anymore.
i'm stuck in the shadows of my
own thoughts, i am being consumed
by the darkness.
the authenticity of my escape
begins to wear thin and is
beginning to seal shut,
            
               I RUN FOR IT, BUT I'M NOT FAST ENOUGH.

hands covered in white paint,
a paint brush is in my hand.

instead of leaving to be set free from these shadows that haunt me,
i stayed to create something i could have had.

*i am my own worst enemy

i suffer from
that kind of
sadness that only
creeps in the
darkness of night,
forcing tears out
of my eyes.

                      i suffer from
                      that kind of
                      sadness that swings
                      like a pendulum
                      in your ribcage
                      for days, destroying
                      every heart vessel,
                      that soul-blackening
                      sadness.

I crave attention.
My whole being begs for it.
My hands tremble
my knees quake
and my lips bleed.
Can anyone hear me?
Is anyone there?
I'll stomp my feet,
I'll kick,
I'll scream,
I demand to be heard.
Someone acknowledge me
I can no longer be an invisible girl
Help