the Spring and Summer passed me by when I turned twenty four
and then the Autumn wind blew all its leaves upon my floor
I made a bed for napping on, I made a bed for sleep
I felt my Spirit hover just before I let it leave

I walked into a shadow of the person that I was
and watched myself uncover every stain inside my blood
I spent my waking moments in a way that wore me out
and settled for the lesser things I often thought about

I fought to disengage myself with all of what was past
I started waking up and being present, at long last
I’ve let the Spring and Summer pass me by this year, you see
and Autumn will be different this year, twenty twenty three

I will never be prepared enough for you to go away
you’re the Poet in my bloodstream who would never let me stray
you put Words into my fingertips and helped me write them down
you saw tears inside my eyelids when I couldn’t let them out

I will never be prepared enough for you to let me go
I’m a poet’s daughter’s child who forever seeks your sow
for you taught me how to battle every single doubt I have
to put every Word that’s Scripture through the process of the pass

I want to leave my senses on the side of every road
I want to be suspended like the clouds but in my soul
I want to be immeasurable like stars are, in the sky
Like every kind of pain that can exist in human eyes

But

I want to put my heart into the oceans and the seas
I want to be reminded of the Times I went too deep
I want to know The Spirit that would let me crash in waves
But take me back to shores where I could fully come awake

So

I want to leave my senses in the marrow of my bones
I want to walk in tandem with the people I will know
I want to be as human as my soul lets my flesh be
So I can feel your heartbeat in the only Place I seek

I’ve noticed how my memories come flooding back at once
The farther back I go the more intense that they become

I think about my formative and adolescent years
And realize the many things they taught me about fear
To feel it first, to face it, then, to minimize it all
To spread my heart so thin that I could barely even walk

I stepped into adulthood feeling strange and unprepared
To spend my time with people who were never really there
I leaned into forgiveness and I learned how to move on
And those who walked beside me knew about it all along

I’ll walk into today and all the days I hope to have
With every single sense in me — I will not live in lack
I’ve noticed how my memories have brought me back to You
The Only One Who’s ever been through what I’ve been through, too

is anything as deep as all the oceans in my Soul?
their waters carried gratitude that sanctified me whole
I swam into the waves and let them break upon my back
as joy began to cover all the feelings that I lacked

my longing turned to waiting and I thought about The Time
when life put me in places where your heart was only mine
I disappeared completely and it put my heart at ease
my Soul is in the ocean and I’m left with only Peace

I know I’ve walked the surface of the earth so many times
my feet have touched the mountains like a hills and valleys’ tithe
I wake up every morning to a Sun that has my back
but I look for the people in the shadow that it casts

for ten percent of nothing I give everything away
my thoughts, my cares, my purpose, for a body that decays
I think I walked the surface of the earth to try to find
The Light inside The Sun that is alive inside my mind