I’ve noticed how my memories come flooding back at once
The farther back I go the more intense that they become

I think about my formative and adolescent years
And realize the many things they taught me about fear
To feel it first, to face it, then, to minimize it all
To spread my heart so thin that I could barely even walk

I stepped into adulthood feeling strange and unprepared
To spend my time with people who were never really there
I leaned into forgiveness and I learned how to move on
And those who walked beside me knew about it all along

I’ll walk into today and all the days I hope to have
With every single sense in me — I will not live in lack
I’ve noticed how my memories have brought me back to You
The Only One Who’s ever been through what I’ve been through, too

is anything as deep as all the oceans in my Soul?
their waters carried gratitude that sanctified me whole
I swam into the waves and let them break upon my back
as joy began to cover all the feelings that I lacked

my longing turned to waiting and I thought about The Time
when life put me in places where your heart was only mine
I disappeared completely and it put my heart at ease
my Soul is in the ocean and I’m left with only Peace

I know I’ve walked the surface of the earth so many times
my feet have touched the mountains like a hills and valleys’ tithe
I wake up every morning to a Sun that has my back
but I look for the people in the shadow that it casts

for ten percent of nothing I give everything away
my thoughts, my cares, my purpose, for a body that decays
I think I walked the surface of the earth to try to find
The Light inside The Sun that is alive inside my mind

there are people who have endgames, I’m the very least of these
I flourish in the stillness, where l fall upon my knees
it is there my every human trait surrenders to Your Truth
and teaches me The Only Way to live because of You

there are people who have heard You, there are many who have not
but still You manage peace despite their all-intrusive thoughts
as they flounder in the darkness and they fall upon their face
I wonder if their broken bones will lead them to Your Grace

there are people who have endgames I will never understand
I’ll share my words regardless, leave each syllable at hand
may it matter where they came from, may it matter where they go
may words I speak be graceful unto everyone I’ll know

a tiny little flower made her way inside your womb
and grew her every petal so that you could watch her bloom
she knew her life would flourish when she got you as her mom
a woman to look up to who’s the strongest kind of strong

a tiny little stranger made her way into your heart
and now that you can feel hers beat, you’ll never be apart
you knew her life repurposed all the pain you felt before
and soon you’ll have a daughter who is everything and more

I’m living in a layer of my mind I never knew  
but I see other people in a way I haven’t, too
I find idiosyncrasies in everyone I meet
as I unlearn behaviors that were once a part of me

I’m living in a constant state of why and here and now
but I beg every question leads me back to You somehow
I carry conversations on with everyone I can
as I begin to share the Words I trust are in my hands

I’m living in tomorrows like I should be in todays
but I know that my future is not promised anyway
I bury my own body and my thoughts before I should
as I become a person who was never understood

I tend to feel it’s treason when my thoughts are not aligned
when I am disconnected at the corners of my mind
my memories run rampantly into my here and nows
unchecked as much as ever but still relevant somehow

I tend to run in circles but I always make a choice
and even when I’m shivering I still can hear Your Voice
my every single step becomes much easier to take
it’s checked by all the balance from which I can’t walk away

I tend to think it’s normal for my body to beget
another kind of language to describe what’s in my head
but I am not a novice to what Life is anymore
I’ve been around for long enough to know what I’m here for