Olga Valerevna

Olga Valerevna Sep 2013

My mother was right but how did she know
How did she speak of the places I'd go
With intricate detail she'd planted her words
Carried like shadows by taciturn birds
In them and their silence I quieted mine
Rested my head on the backs of their spines
Sleepy and silent I took up my wings
I flew to the outskirts of everything
Biting my tongue to the people I saw
The ones in the middle, the warmest of all
The message I harbored was meant to be shown
But only to those who are not on their own
Verbally challenged and mentally worn
Remembered my mother, of whom I was born
*Follow the patterns you see on the wind
Feather the weather to end and begin

Yudenko

Olga Valerevna Sep 2013

Sti(k

See, everything I see before I open up my eyes
Has made them calloused to the days and passing of the time
I cannot find a way to hold the things I held before
And what I have in place of them won't matter anymore
If this is it, I want to leave, I want to walk I mean
I want to take some solace in my memory's machine
I try to keep a steady pace but tread with heavy feet
The gravity of moving on - the source of my retreat
And yesterday is running now and I cannot keep up
But I will let the blisters form before I drop the cup
The pain is gone, my body's free from every kind of ache
The thought of you has settled in, you weren't a mistake

With callouses upon my feet, I walk, I carry on.

Olga Valerevna Sep 2013

In Vivid

☼
As all the fury of the sun was put inside the moon
The sky was lit, a starry sight, a petrified maroon
And now the dark is like the light, the earth is spinning still
The people go in circles too, their sleepy heads to fill
And all the voices gather up as language is explained
The mystery that once had been is openly disdained
Familiar now and understood, the bitten tongue will bleed
The zealous cell in every drop is coming out of me
I put it back inside my mouth and fight to keep it closed
But there is no assailant here, I'm already exposed
The sun is night, the moon is day, confusion - rationale
And be there blood among the two, it spilleth all around
☽

"furious as the sun, vibrant as the moon"

Olga Valerevna Sep 2013

Fixed

beneath the blankets on my bed i uttered through the night
and even into morning time, the hours of the light

the days had passed and they were three, i felt my work was done
i knew you knew and he would too, he's not just anyone

then many months began to move as quickly as that age
i saw the words i once believed, asleep - my speech in rage

............but all it ever took for me to travel back again
were moments made of what i said, in faith, remembered then

tomorrow come and if it stay, i'll keep the story too
i'll show the sun, i'll tell the moon - i'm here and so are you

Move. Fast. Stop. Stand.

Olga Valerevna Aug 2013

A California high

These sticks and stones are made of bones for I am of the earth
And everything I ever throw was welcomed at my birth
I will not speak with tired tongue, these matters will not sleep
But be there some hypocrisy, my words will swallow me
And if they do I'll make them choke until I'm fully gone
The louder parts I'll lodge inside, they'll hurt to drag along
Consider it necessity, a claim I chose to make
I'll justify with every breath, I'll bend until I break
My memory will suffocate as both my lungs collapse
From bone to ash to earth again, I'll live again perhaps

The choking game.

Olga Valerevna Aug 2013

Resident Alien

I disappeared so long ago, I need a welcome home
I need the truth to tell me I have never been alone
I'd knelt before an idol head who took away my name
And walked away to follow her - the shadow and the blame
A hologram in summer sun, you saw me now you can't
I found a way to lose myself by leveling a slant
The angle formed the solitude within which I could stay
A sleep deprived contingency whose methods I could play
But soon enough my thoughts became a harder kind of game
Along with them my heart compressed to stone of just the same
I beat to beat the hands of time but mine are weary now
I try to close my eyes sometimes but can't remember how
So here I am, alive and still, I'm asking you to see
I'm asking you to spot me here, wherever that may be

I used to be a resident alien and maybe I still am.

Olga Valerevna Aug 2013

I put my body in a box

From corner to corner I'm holding the wall
I'm clenching my hands, I continue to stall
But where are the colors it once had sustained
They're probably lost, only shades have remained
And gone along with them are days at a time
The hours have shaken me out of mind
Yet somehow I stand in this body, awake
Without ever sleeping, I call it a grave
And corner to corner I've measured it all
I've buried my bones, here inside of this wall

title taken from City & Colour's, 'Body in a Box'