I thought about you , as if you were here
Encasing yourself in my mind , refusing to come out
And yet I wasn't mad , I felt almost free
The smile , the way your eyes flickered
Eventually gravitating towards me , because I could tell you were curious .

And I wasn't fearful , in that minute it made sense
The way you would so carefully lean over so as not to startle me ,
But let's not make that jump , because you did startle me
You altered my primary functions for a second and I feel guilty for feeling grateful ,

The way you can so effortlessly conjure up misfortune ,
Knowingly crushing everything in sight
And yet for a minute , I was grateful.

I want your darkness ,
Perhaps more than your light .

I miss your smile ,
The look you would give me when you were confused yet happy,
A look that to this day my description could not do justice to ,
Now there are more reminders of you ,
Everywhere ,
I swear they are out to get me .

I miss your laugh ,
Not all the time ,
Just on those long nights when I'm sick of everyone.

But I don't miss you ,
I miss little things you did ,
Little actions ,
Little phrases ,
But not you .

You see , there's someone new .
He gives me that look ,
He has a weird laugh,
In many ways he reminds me of you and that's both comforting and terrifying ,
I am still unsure about him so please do not fret .

I promise I won't ask you to step in with this one .

I wish they changed the way they looked at me based on ,
my humour ,
my intelligence ,
my deeply caring nature ,
not based on a definition they saw one time .
But that would involve closing a screen ,
Separating themselves from an already formed idea ,
Wishing me to be abnormal rather than human .