My heart
It tickles
It seems to grow
Each moment
That you smile
Each second we're close
Oh darling
If you don't go
My heart may explode
You fill me
With this joy
And I simply
Cannot escape
This maze
Of fear and joy
For I fear the joy
And don't  know
Which to turn to
Because I love you
You make me so happy
Oh but darling
I don't deserve you
Oh how your absence scares me.

Each time you tell me
You love me
Its like a symphony
Went off in my chest
When you kiss me
A flame rages through
My body
All I feel is the collision
Our bodies close
But guarded by clothes
Desperate to be close
Trying to merge
Our souls
Mated at birth
And destined
To again join together
One day.

I can hear your heart
As we lie in bed together
I'm shocked at the beating
The vibrations so soothing
But a monster is the owner
He's a user
A heart breaker
and the biggest liar I've ever met
But when I lie with him
And I feel his heart
I think for just a moment
Maybe he's human
Maybe his heart is his
And perhaps I have a chance to steal it.

I use to dream
Of laying down
In the middle
Of a gymnasium

Maybe because if it were
Empty I wouldn't hate it
As much as I normally did

Maybe because the emptiness
Soothed the fire within me

Maybe because that empty room
Symbolized everything

My love that seemed so vast

My barely contained sanity

The walls were my cage

My emotional world boxed in

Maybe I dreamed of laying there in the middle
Because I was so sick of being too invisible
And all too visible at once

Maybe because the silence
Would silence my mind

Maybe I found contentment
With the freedom of such
A large room

Or maybe
I just liked the idea
Of lying in the middle
Of a gymnasium.

For years
I was the girl
Not a soul truly desired
But once I accept my fate
Accept my lonely future
I'm tackled by attention
****** desire
and possible relationships
Just as I give up on love
It finds its way to me
It always finds me
And always at the worst point in my life.

It's not that we weren't meant to be it's that you didn't realize we were.

I met you
On a day I cannot
Recall
But I do
Know that
Each day after
Was brighter
When I was with you.

Love me
Ignore me
Want me
Have me
Lose me
Hate me
Love me
Need me
Hurt me
Ruin me
Love me
Babe make up your mind
I know your confused
I completely get how jealous you are
He has me now
And you don't
It's obvious I'm happy with him
Maybe that's why your playing
This little game
Your just trying to win
But this game
Alredy has a victor
It's Him

If I pretend
The pain does end
So I try to forget
Tell myself what we were was a regret
I rebuilt my walls
Trying to ignore my greatest falls
The aching will come
And it makes me easy and lay with ****
I'm no *****
But my heart is in war
And I'm on edge
Slowly trying to pull myself from the ledge
Whenever memories come back
It's as though strength is what I lack
I'm fighting these battles alone
I'm determined to escape the unknown
The images of what was will fade
And by then my heart would've strayed.

I miss you
I do not love you
It's all a game
That my body plays
At the slightest acknowledgement
Of your Existence
My heart fumbles
And my hands shake
But the past is the past
And I dislike remembering
Who I was
So I remind myself
Of another I loved
But then my heart
Is aching
And I start to miss
Him too
Only I start to
Remember
My heart
Is still his to hold.

It's when I think of you
That old scars
Feel like fresh wounds
It's when I'm reminded
How I loved you then
And hate you now
That I break
Because I know
I'm burying the love
With false hate
I'm blocking out
The memories
That make me smile
Because they also leave me
With a aching
And this collision of emotions
Has me on edge
And I'm ready to go over it.

Like some kind of metamorphosis,
You changed so rapidly,
Once you were quiet,
Yet so abrupt,
Then you didn't care what the world thought,
Once you laughed with me,
Once you chuckled lightly with a smile spread wide,
Once you'd hug me,
Even kiss me,
But once this metamorphosis hit,
You've become cold and unwelcoming,
So restrained,
You listen to their lies about me,
You let the world decide for you,
Now the laughter,the chuckles and giggles,They are gone,
The smiles have faded,
No hugs or kisses,
Barely a glance,
Only receiving ignorance,
Now,Because of this change,
This One evil metamorphosis,
We are like are like strangers in the street,
All we have are the memories,
The ones you say meant nothing,
The only proof we know one another,
Is the look on your face when you see me,
Near disgust,
You put up your hood and run the moment you spot me,
Those moments hurt,
But it is proof you knew me,
But that was all before your metamorphosis,
That was when our memories meant everything,
Now they mean nothing,
At least to the one who changed....

I have lived without you
If living is what you'd call it
My anguish was found
In the endless nights
That I knew
I'd be waking up
With you not there
Tears stung
The cut burned
My addiction was
My sorrow,
My sorrow
A life without you
Forever would be
One huge misery
And now
With you
Don't expect me to go back
EVER
I cannot survive
For you see
I've learned
What happiness is
I've learned what it's like
To be loved
And I will fight all who
Dare try to take you away
Because you mean everything to me
And I will not dare return to darkness.

Half the time
The mirror smiles at me
And the other half
Breaks because of me
Torn between the complexities of me

Imperfection,
Why should such a cruel word exist?

Beautiful,
Why should a word so magnificent be spoken so seldomly?

Why should I,
As a woman compare and contrast?


Why should it matter what size certain body parts are or are not?

Is the heart, the soul, not all you need?

Don't tell me you miss me
When you're lonely

Tell me when you're
With friends or busy

Tell me when I least expect it

Tell me all the words you know
I want to hear
But only when you mean them.

I miss you
I know it sounds
Sad and desperate
But *I miss you
Your not here
To hold me
And your not here
To kiss me as though
Your kissing away
All the pain I've ever felt
Your not here
And I know it's not your fault
But *I miss you.

Home for me

Has become

That place

On your chest

Where I sometimes

Rest my head

Home has become

You

The arms that hold me

The lips that melt into mine

The hand that holds onto my hand

The heart that has finally made

Love worth the fight

You my love

Have become home.

Without you
I feel lonely
Afraid
I cannot
Face these
Battles alone
I need you
By my side.

There's
A good chance
That tonight
As I take
A shower
I'll be thinking
Of you
My love.

I miss your kiss
No others
Will ever compare
I miss your hug
No others
Is as comforting
I miss your skin
No others
Lights mine with such passion
I miss your hands
No others
Matched mine so perfectly
Baby, sweetie, my love
I miss you.

Her soul is tainted in a dark mystifying mist.
While her body is lightened and beautified by a warm cooling mist

Today I decided
I want to commit suicide
Today I realized
I need to die.

The day to day,
The fake smile imprinted on,
The bare minimum,
Searching for true human contact,
An easy target to cruelty,
The first one to be put down,
Easy to hurt,
Hard to fix,
The one who is used,
Never good enough to keep,
A current moment to become a blurred memory,
The weird outcast in society,
An original copy,
No one listens,
No one sees,
No one understands.

I sit here
And I cry
And I smile
And I frown
And I laugh
And that's
What I think love is
All those emotions
All of the emotions
Wrapped up
So that when you see
The one you love
You feel so many things
And the hard truth that
Anything less than love
Can't make you feel the same
So baby yes
You make me cry
And yes you make me laugh
But its all for loves sake.

He's nice,
Funny,
Cute,
Kind,
And Caring,
But He's Gay.

Momentarily pain slips in
And a strength that grew in me
Crumbled and I wondered
*Why do these things always happen?

Got straight A's and mommy still ain't proud
Yelling still comes from her lips
Into the ears of her daughter
With her too wide hips
Which mommy tries to alter
And her poor daughter just falters
She's a good girl now but mommy doesn't care
Because mommy isn't fair
Mommy has an angel who's untouchable
And mommy blaming her daughter is unstoppable
His troubles become hers
For she lives mostly to serve
Her screams and cries go unheard
He gets candy for being bad
While she gets scolded for being sad
Attempting to teach right and wrong
But mommy puts her efforts down
And her own daughter struggles to be strong
But mommy is blind
And her daughter utterly confined
Over the years she lost her patience
And is waiting to say good riddance
Mommy pushes away
While the daughter hopes to fix things and stay
Mommy makes her daughter cry
And she doesn't understand why
Mommy didn't give her daughter a daddy
Mommy gets angry and calls her daughter fatty
Mommy has a saint
And daughter tries to voice her complaints
Mommy and aunty gave daughter a child
That child is much too wild
No boundaries or rules apply
And daughter sits by
Hoping she no longer must comply
Hoping soon she can wave goodbye.

Parents can be so crazy**

Mommy have you met daddy
Who has never loved his little girl
Daddy have you met mommy
Who cherished her as a child
Mommy have you met daddy
Who raised his sons and left behind his daughter
Daddy have you met mommy
Who took in others and loved them too
Mommy have you met daddy
Who once gave his first born a hug
Daddy have you met mommy
Who insulted her daughter to the point she has no pride
Mommy have you met daddy
Who called his daughter a ***** with no remorse
Daddy have you met mommy
Who kept her against others advice
Mommy have you met daddy
Who steals and cheats
Daddy have you met mommy
Who is sometimes sad
Mommy have you met daddy
Who is best at disappointing his daughter.

My hate
For you
So strong
Can't even
Bare to
Look into
Your demonic
Eyes that
Once enticed
Me
My hatred
So deep
I cannot
Let go
Nor forget
I hate
What you've
Called me
Hate that
I was
To be
Ignored for
The care
And friendship
That I
Had stupidly
Offered
You are a
monster
A beast
In a wonderful
Disguise
But I can finally
See the real you
Beneath it all.

The tossing and turning
The fact that my body
Feels like it's burning
The lucid dreams
The tears and broken feelings
Am I A Monster
Or is one living in me
I've locked away the key
Years ago trapped the monster in me
Tried to hide it
For fear it'd control me
But as it emerges once again
All I can do
Is fight it off
With my weapon in hand
And Courage In My Heart.

I'm ashamed to say
That when I dream
And on the rare
Occasion
That I see
My dream self
I see what I wish to be
Thin and beautiful
Living up to the worlds standards
It sickens me
Because that person will never be me
I don't want to want to be her
And yet in dreams
I tend to become her anyway.