he lied to you
he left you to suffer
he let them laugh
he laughed at you
he met someone else

he destroyed you

yet you can't seem
to give up on what
is already lost

"who hurt you?"

                                                                                                                      "me."

"why do you write poems like these"

                                                                                                      "i like too"

"why do you like to?"

                                                                                                      "it helps me"

"why does it help you?"

                                                                                                      "it's escape"

"from what?"

                                                                                                      "everything"

letting go
doesn't
always
mean
not
holding on

i don't belong here

"i'm only a fool for you"

maybe if we can use
     the darkness
           the torment
                 the shambles of our hearts and our heads
and turn it into something beautiful
      poetry,
            music,
                 artwork.
then maybe it won't be so
                                              bad.

it wasn't until i was sitting
on the floor of my shower
hyperventilating your name into
              my hands when i realised

                         that

you were the air i struggled to
                         breathe

and i wasn't even the dirt
          under your ******* fingernails

every
night
i
look
up
at
the
freckled
sky
and
fall
in
love
with
the
              universe
all
over
again.

i
will
be
counting
the
stars
for
t­he
rest
of
my
life.

I CAN HOLD MYSELF TOGETHER
DURING THE DAY, I CAN OCCUPY
MYSELF WITH MINDLESS TASKS OR
SLEEP TO ESCAPE IT ALL. BUT AT
NIGHT IS WHEN I START TO UNRAVEL
AND MY EYES LEAK AND MY INSIDES
SPILL OUT AND POOL INTO MY LAP. I
AM STRUGGLING TO KEEP MY HEAD
ABOVE THE WATER AND IT HAS
ALWAYS BEEN TOO SHALLOW TO
DROWN IN BUT I THINK IT'S FINALLY
DEEP ENOUGH

someone once
asked her what
being triggered
was like. she closed
her eyes and thought
of planes crashing and
car accidents but instead said
the beach,
falling asleep under direct sun
only to wind up drowning
when you open your eyes, gargling
salt water where once had
been air, forgetting how
to swim and knowing you could die
right there.

you told me that you
were fine, that you
were sober, i believed you.

i got into the car with you,
you smiled and said we'll be fine,
that we'll make it home in one piece.

we were 10 minutes away from
the house when the car swerved,
and everything blurred in front of me.

the windshield shattered
like snowflakes, and
stayed under your skin.

you screamed until
your voice got lost.

and i only know what
that sounds like
because of how scared
you'd get get in movies,
the lights off, and feeling
too disconnected to the
floor at your feet, i wonder
if it was any different.

i try to not think about it,
how you dropped like a red rose,
but it's hard when i call you
to see you if you're coming to school,
only to remember your line's been cut
for about 5 months now.

these aren't the kind of things
you get used to.

feeling sleepy and sad and weak and dreaming about the stars

you, holding me in your arms as i fall asleep. i am no longer anxious. i am no longer sad. you healed me.

i just want to feel your arms wrap around me

i want to listen to you talk about life

i want to love you unconditionally

I WISH I HAD HUGGED YOU
WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE
BECAUSE NOW IT'S 2 AM
AND YOU'RE GONE AND
ALL I WANT IS YOUR
TOUCH

i miss
cities that i have never visited,
the books that i have never read,
the hearts i have never broken,
the tears that i have never shed.

i crave
for the love i never got,
the thoughts i never had,
the smiles i never showed,
the person i never was.

you liked me enough
to lie

these violent delights
have violent ends.

would you love me,
if you knew,
what i do,
when i'm alone?

would you love me,
if you saw,
my wrists,
full of marks?

would you love me,
if you knew,
the names,
that they called me?

which one do you choose?

the person you love unconditionally,
but they may never feel the same.

                          or

the person who unconditionally loves you,
but you may never feel the same.

even after you ruined me for any other,
i cannot regret you.

even as i cleave the flesh of wanting
from the bone, i hope the night ski is pretty
wherever you are.

behind the masks,
faces suffer loneliness

"you've been strong for too long"

words best remained unsaid,
but sadly she had a ***** loose,
and from her heart she bled,
when she found out the truth.

all the boys were deterred,
as she had the eyes of a front.

they were nasty and laughed at her,
so she ripped all of their hearts out.

she rests her eyes on top of the
moon
with her back facing the earth
and her face resting towards the
unknown.

maybe he left because he saw me

the way i see myself

you only see
the scars
that lace
my skin

but you
don't see
the internal
scars
that lie
deep
within

you have my favourite smile

another



                                     sinking





                                                                                        *feeling

am i that easy to forget?

the sad truth is
so many people are in love and
not together

and

so many people are together
and not in love

sad people
always try and
make other
people happy

because they
know how
terrible it is
to feel worthless

the world is full of monsters with friendly faces

i want to feel whole again

once upon a time,
there was a happy
little girl.

she left pieces of her
life behind her
           everywhere
                    she went.



                     it's easier
                     to feel the
                     sunlight
                     without them,
                     she said.

everyday is a struggle

i don't know what i want

.