The fight in me
Designed so intricately
Lays there peacefully
Hoping so patiently
To be displayed gracefully
As I nurture it insatiably
I feel it growing vigorously
A lot more playfully
A lot less viciously
I'll admit I embrace it openly
How it can consume me entirely
It has helped me defensively
While helping others protectively
It caused me to hurt my family
Due to the decisions I made poorly
It's burned bridges occasionally
As my rage would leap wildly
Left me broken painfully
Alone cold feeling empty
Although it serves me faithfully
Giving strength to handle adversity
Allowing me to love unconditionally
Fighting is what saved me honestly
It's not always so bad truthfully
Im a fighter living passionately

You think I'm weak
Because I feel
Immature how
Because my rage got the best of me
It feels wrong
Mind spinning all night long
Are you playing with my head
Or even worse my heart
Instead of build me up
You would rather tear me apart
It's nothing new
You have your reasons
I probably mean nothing to you

I’m here alone
With nothing shown
For my decision
Lacking the vision
Yet I’m insightful
When the chaos
And I cross
These games played
Every move displayed
Falling deeper still
Embracing the chill
Draping my heart
Tears me apart
Those around me
Will never see
The nightmares hovering
I’m constantly covering
Hiding behind smiles
Jokingly I beguile
Wearily I wake
Contentment I fake
Must push forward
Slowly moving towards
Some peaceful release
Will rage cease

The beer isn't working
Those thoughts lurking
I'm so depressed it's true
But what can I do
If I don't know the problem
How will I be able to solve them
It's like this every now and then
Never knowing how it will begin
What causes my depression
How it leaves such an impression
Should I be concerned
What haven't I learned
Throughout my troubled past
Being told I would never last
Here I am asking what to do
Head down heart torn no clue
As intelligent as I can be
The answers still elude me
I can't fight what I can't see
Still it's prisoner thought I was free
I struggle to maintain composure
How can I gain closure
If I'm still wandering around blind
Will there ever be answers to find

On my bed thinking
Instead of drinking
Of a few things
As Cody Jinks sings
Of someone's perception
Of his devilish misconception
I can relate to his song
It's been so long
Since I was innocent at all
I made a choice to fall
To fall out of grace
My soul is out of place
I could feel every piece of me
Disappearing so painfully
I didn't fight my descent
I just fell with all consent
It's strange I didn't fight
That keeps me up thinking all night

Can you feel the breeze
Whispering with ease
As each stride
Empties all tension inside
As each forceful advance
Is symbolized in your stance
Your strength increasing
With every exhale releasing
Those antsy moments chasing
Subduing all stress you’re facing
Holding your head higher
Chasing your every desire
Doing what makes you real
Changing how you feel
Trying to trim that tummy
Which in my opinion is yummy
Lol just playing
All I’m saying
Keep pushing forward escalate
Embrace your beauty resonate
Crazy you’re humble too
Breathe beautiful be you

I’ve been called
A savage
A ****
heartless and cold
Empty inside
A *****
A *****
A punk
A loser
Good for nothing
By those who
Don’t know **** about me
Because I choose to
Think for myself
Having the *****
To question
The hypocrisy
And double standards
That the same individuals
Live by
I never ****** anyone over
Who didn’t do that to me
First
These pretty eyes
I’ve been told I have
Seen too much ugliness
This world can contain
I’m alone in this nightmare
Still dreaming about peace
Breathing trying to control
The suffocating moments
That pursues my emotional
And mental imprisonment
I’m just a simple man
Doing what I can
Rewriting the role that was assigned to me
One day hoping to be Free

Don’t trust me
I’ll treat you poorly
This guy standing here
May seem sincere
But I’m hiding
While you’re deciding
To take a chance
To explore romance
With this bad guy
Pointless to try
To change me now
I’ve been lost somehow
My feelings are cold
Gets worse as I get old
I will cause you pain
Drive you insane
With every futile debate
You will grow with hate
When you see my face
Your feelings will misplace
Thinking of every storm deployed
As all trust is destroyed
After every emotional shove
You still try to show me how to love
I just can’t get it
Will cause you to regret it
Even though I wish to care
There’s just nothing left to share

It’s been awhile
Since you cast a smile
Over at me
So let’s see
Are you still down
To play around
Are you ready still
To make time to chill
Look into my eyes
I don’t **** with lies
Open up show no fear
It’s safe within here
No need to worry
Or run away in a hurry
I might seem too bad
I might make you mad
The rumors don’t mean ****
You know gossip don’t quit
Making **** twisted
Keeping this **** tight ******
I will caress your soul
Your mind body the whole
I do everything with passion
It’s just my particular fashion
I don’t have stacks of money
But my life is rich funny
Others label me lame
I’m just me no need for game
******* lips
Let me taste your hips
If not feel my fire
And what it can inspire
I will break you into pieces
Until your misery ceases
You will breathe even more
Rebuild you better than before
Like I said it’s been awhile
Since you shared that real smile
My words aren’t here to beguile
It’s how I communicate my style

As the last dollar falls
The bartender shouting last call
The conversations ending
The back up texts are sending
Dodging the hammered stumbling
Sorting out drunken mumbling
The faces look different in the light
Can tell they been out all night
Having to finish my beer
Time to get out of here
It was fun while it lasted
So many years getting blasted
Going to make that taco shop run
That drive is going to be some fun
Follow those blurry lines to the pad
Talk about the crazy *** time i had
Always a new adventure my friend
Doing this **** every weekend

**** another call missed
Nonstop must be ******
What are they doing
What keeps them pursuing
Same time every night
All at the same time can't be right
Is there some reason I can't see
Is the answer escaping me
They're all so different too
Each bringing something new
Eclectic faces and styles
With pretty eyes and cunning smiles
Taunting with stunning curves
They cause my attention to swerve
Not much to our conversations
Just preludes to nightly reservations
Bottles of wine empty so swift
Sticky green burning will uplift
Tension will begin to disappear
The scent of them as they come near
Drives me insane with desire
With each touch ignites into fire
As each different one calls again
I feel out of touch empty within
I should be thankful but I'm not
Living so lustfuly a afterthought
But my cold heart is conflicted
I want change but I'm addicted
To the empty passion I know
But I wonder if my heart can grow
These women don't seem to mind
I'm just out of sight out of mind
A ***** little secret interlude to enjoy
This very very very bad boy

If you ask
About your task
Why you stay
Among dismay
Teetering between lies
Wearing your disguise
Weaving your manipulation
To avoid subjugation
Wearing yourself thin
Again and again
Not realizing reality
Is fleeting quickly
Believing the fake
Every breath you take
Investing in misinformation
As a foundation
To move forward
Dashing blindly toward
What you avoid
Growing so paranoid
As days linger endlessly
Pressure mounts relentlessly
When it takes toll
You’re desire for control
Slows your progression
Heeding your obsession
To resist all peace
Causes your anxiety to increase

In my room
On my bed
In my head
Just in thought
**** it's hot
Thinking of you
Yeah it's true
Are you okay
You won't say
Too much pride
So you hide
It all deep
Then fall asleep
When you wake
Will you take
Time to reflect
What you neglect
Why you smile
Has it been awhile

Am I wise
It might surprise
Quite a few
What I do
Why I’m here
After every year
Struggling
Juggling
The choices made
Regret slowly fades
Risking it all
Just to fall
Happiness and pain
The same chain
Which can bind
Keeping one blind
To simpler things
It may sting
To let it go
You should know
Passion is complicated
Yet I’m dedicated
Moving forward again
Remembering where I been
This troubled man
Has a plan

I rage
     my cage
my pain
         it's insane
it kills
      no thrills
no hope
         can't cope
little *****
            mental glitch
vision blurry
                 voice slurry
collecting scars
                     counting stars
losing touch
                unstable crutch
can't stand
             don't understand
**** it **** it **** it
but wait
           this hate
isn't me
          I'm free
escaped hell
                   I fell
it's true
        nothing new
many will
           yet still
the fear
          is here
every moment
                 feeling irrelevant
knowing differently
             suffering constantly
the fighting
            less inviting
it's cool it's cool it's cool
I feel
        I heal
I care
        im aware
loving I
beautiful I
loyal I
protective I
   I see inside me

Are you there
Feeling that despair
Afraid to confess
Strangled by stress
Feeling lost again
Anxiety level ten
Loyalty is dissipating
**** it’s irritating
Giving it all
Just to fall
Chained to obligation
Tears from frustration
Self medication failing
Tension is prevailing
Who will see
You feeling differently
How the stress
Leaves you a mess
They don’t care
It isn’t fair
How your treated
So unappreciated
Spread so thin
Just can’t win
Same **** different day
But you do it anyway

What you said
Stuck in my head
Fuckable not datable
Would have been debatable
But I found it relatable
In my past
Women didn't last
The things I've done
So brief but so much fun
No feelings shared
So romantically impaired
This bad boy meant nothing
A possession or something
I thought it was luck
They didn't give a ****
It nurtured my cold *** heart
Something to toy with torn apart
All the games played
All the indifference displayed
I won't even pretend
It means nothing in the end
But I don't want to die alone
But it's all I've ever known

Sometimes I smile
Been a while
Yet I do
Mostly for you
I'm just saying
Mind always straying
Feelings shut down
When you're around
I do fear
When you're near
How I feel
I shouldn't reveal
Better left unsaid
Use my head

Writing this on lunch
There is this time crunch
Nothing going right
7 o'clock so far out of sight
The crew getting crazy
Same old fools still lazy
Work orders stacking
Im overwhelmed it's distracting
Have to fix the situation
Always some complication
4 more hours to go
It will be fun I know
Have to get my *** in gear
So I can get the hell out of here

I have this pistol
Delivers a message
Clear as crystal
Come what may
It's intentions on display
I'm as humble as can be
Don't mess with me
I'm not looking to fight
Try as I might
To keep my head
As each round is fed
Given my troubled past
The conversation won't last
You want to have this discussion
You'll be subject to a repercussion
I don't have time to play
Heres what i will say
Try to hurt the ones I love
Only one who can save you is the one above

This day makes my suffering explode
Reminding me of the heavy load
I’m trying to carry around
Thoughts heavy facing the ground
Heart still broken
Painful images left unspoken
My mind is still in prison
Will anyone listen
To me confess
Share this stress
Help me mend those shattered pieces
Offer my depression some releases
See past my tattered exterior
Realize I’m not so inferior
No longer the menace I once was
Embracing the chaos just because
Will anyone listen
To me confess
Share this stress
Allow me to leave an impression
Accept this confession
Refrain from deploying judgement
Help me escape my imprisonment
Let me apologize for every word
Encouraging things I’ve rarely heard

I woke today
Just like everyday
Continuing to hide
The loneliness inside
All the bad things
This world brings
Testing your strength
To its furthest length
With every challenge
As we manage
To keep shaking
The anxiety waking
While trying to maintain
Those thoughts we contain
While emotionally paralyzed
Keeping our heart sterilized
Can’t be close again
Or let another in
It’s the better call
No opportunity to fall
This is how I feel
I’m just being real
I had a plan
To be a better man
I’m not always right
I still try to fight
When I should just listen
But I still learn from every lesson

Ever felt depressed
Constantly stressed
Anxiety full throttle
Climbing into a bottle
No time to rest
Each day a test
The sacrifices stacking
A release lacking
The good times pass
Work kicking your ***
Consumed by a need
A desire to exceed
At every challenging endeavor
It's admirable however
Everything has a price
Felt nothing would suffice
Materialistic values start fading
As different goals are cascading
Having to be the rock
Constantly racing the clock
No time for games people play
Always cautious of what to say
Worries about others deception
Maintaining a certain perception
Staying true to certain devotions
While suppressing a few emotions
Casting smiles and a crooked grin
To hide the muted feelings within
The loneliness heavy and intense
Yet other feelings make more sense
I've felt this a long time ago
In a desperate act I let everything go
There's just better things in life I seek

See my scars jagged and deep
No more tears shall I weep
Those words hold no power
My heart locked in this tower
Catch a glimpse of what I feel
A gift no need to steal
Left me here so alone
So cold a beautiful stone
Selfish I in which way
Simply because I deflect what you say
Your little puppet not I
A prisoner tortured I
I escape to my tower
To seek peace not to cower
I may suffer but my beauty will not die
I may not weep but I still cry

Today I felt restless
Wasn't about stress
I could see it clear
All the ******* here
Heavier than before
Felt like I couldn't take it anymore
My mind shutting down
Just bouncing around
On auto pilot doing things
Avoiding what my rage can bring
Ah the symmetry between our day
I hope this poem can convey
My shoulder is always there
Whenever you choose to share
I don't know how you're struggling
Or about the things you're juggling
But the monotony I can relate
How much it may aggravate
As I pursue peace even more
Things will be better than before

The shackles so tight
Trapped full of fight
Iron digging in
Ripping my skin
Blood drops splatter
I hear chatter
Folded in two
Those slanderous few
Tortuously driven
Shall not be forgiven
When I break free
You will cower expectedly
Just a bit more time
You will be mine
Go ahead inflict pain
I won't complain
I'm getting stronger
This won't last too much longer
Better hope I perish
One thing I cherish  
My vindictiveness shows tenacity
Karma will justly repay your animosity
You should've let it go
I'm a beast soon you'll know
Oops shackles open I'm free
Pointless to run you belong to me
I once showed kindness now it's gone
You should've known better now it's on

If I could be
A different me
A bit more kind
Would I find
My true feelings I conceal
Would I still be real
Do I have to be brash
Let my intolerance crash
Would respect still be there
Should I care
If others are weak
Why should I seek
A calmer path
Withhold my wrath
Can I execute my objectives
Keep things in perspective
Look outside myself
Put my rage on the shelf
Am I a gentle soul
Is this giving up control
Is this fear I'm feeling
That has my mind reeling
So I take a step back to observe
My opinions now i must reserve
Whether it's fair or not
I'm on the spot
There watching my every move
What do I have to prove
They will wait for me to slip
It's cool for now I'll bite my lip
Revise a better strategy to prevail
I'm not the one to play I won't fail

This woman you see
Stomping so intrepidly
Casting that smile
That lingers for a while
Speaks so passionately
About her thoughts unequivocally
Carrying a mountain
So cool refreshing a fountain
Controls settings with her presence
With a truly dedicated essence
Yet she can explode like a bomb
Just as quickly be so calm
Show some ruthless behavior
While being a righteous savior
So straightforward it will sting
But she won't embellish a thing
A real one a pleasure knowing her
Crazy **** and cool all there
As my words are trying to flatter
She's down to earth so these lines won't matter

Leaves falling sunder
Howling wind thunder
Early morning chill
Everything now still
Rain soaked ground
Sundered leaves around
Footsteps washed away
You didn't stay
The snow covering
Chill still hovering
The frost biting
Seems less inviting
Fire burnt out
Warmth now without
Snow beginning to melt
As how I felt
Chirping birds flying
Nature reviving but I'm dying
The fresh rain dropping again
Cleansing me within
Yet I feel no fire burning
As the seasons keep turning
The heat is beginning to rise
The glaring sun stinging my eyes
Each day feverishly hot but I'm cold
Once again lonely no one to hold
The waves sunder
Crashing sounds like thunder
When you return it will restart
But I will have a chill in my heart

It brings no delight
When I write
About your stress
To confess
Just to keep it real
I don't know how you feel
I know you are strong
So if I'm wrong
I meant no offense
Should I use more common sense
Just trying to be a friend
With the lame poems I send
No matter how much we fight
I want to know you're alright

Doesn't take time
To write a rhyme
Obstacles I always climb
Confusing texts will chime
Faith feels so sublime
Honesty doesn't cost a dime
Orchestrating a simple game
With what's their name
Defeated as they came
These bullies are lame
They're so easy to tame
Poor little fools what a shame
Been playing so long
Dodging death became strong
It's the same old song
Don't know where I belong
It always feel so wrong
So many strangers I walk among
Stumbling in my daydream
Let my chaos scream
Flowing like a jet stream
My thoughts never mainstream
Pride coursing in my bloodstream
My passionate soul will gleam
Loneliness at night whatever
Will never be alone however
Make money comes whenever
The hustle came whichever
Stay real that's forever
This bad boy can be clever
******* I don't say
Hearts I won't play
Truth I will convey
Karma had a heavy price to pay
Emotions never have time to stay
***** I'll be just fine anyway

So I'm problematic so chaotic is that what they believe because my reactions hold reprieve so I should just let their actions go unattended let their slander be commended is that how a mature man should react would that show the proper amount of tact let these cowards portray me with such disdain as my indignation rises just refrain is this how one should turn the cheek by taking the abuse be meek ok so I should just absolve all pride and self respect then not interject when their tyrades ensue is this what a man would do I guess that's one way to consider here's a more realistic consideration those little cowards wouldn't dare in any other situation toss a virulent stare in my direction as they cower their hollow hearts hold no power now I'm not without my flaws in my past how I would become frenetic yes my temper would ignite with such idiocy ending with such verbal indignity im not the most virile of individuals standing but I can be a force withstanding I may seem so insignificant because I choose to be less complicated for years I chose to be a materialistic, indifferent, praise seeking, money hungry slave I was dedicated lol but I digress what should I do let them beat me down be this clown embrace the stress become a mess just let them suppress all that I achieved because ignorance is the driving force of this dillusion because beneath their illusion I witness the repercussions this can have on someone less apathetic I see this cruelty being nurtured by this group it's so pathetic I will continue to refute their dissent because their petty intentions are evident

That child is gone
Left to die years past
Innocence did not last
Normally it's true
But this isn't the case
The trauma I try to erase
Isolated seems better
Avoiding love so long
It always feel wrong
How can I be open
When my emotions speak
I am labeled weak
Could I be so different
Why should I care at all
When only hatred comes to call
I can never breathe
Suffocated by my pain
With these nightmares I contain
What is normal or mature
I wish I knew
So I could share that with you
If I say I care
How if I stay away
Afraid of what I may say

If I tried
To hide
How I feel
I wouldn't be real
Heart on my sleeve
Never a need to deceive
I'm a sensitive man
Doing what I can
Even though I'm broken hearted
The indifference has departed
My kindness is saving me
Prevents me from acting savagely
My eyes seen so much pain
Nearly drove me insane
I love my family with no end
But they bring pain I can't contend
My daughters are my true salvation
Also the spark to my ruination
That situation is so discouraging
Yet loving them is encouraging
As I walked away from my past
The desolation couldn't last
I loathed the way i portrayed life
Superficial gains no longer suffice
Each day Im living is simplistic
I am becoming more realistic
If I can lend a helping hand
Offer another a chance to stand
I feel peace draping over me
Here's one thing that will always be
I'm a leader from birth
Ive always known my inner worth

When I say I don't give a **** it means so many things not just the negative inference usually connected with it it means things are still going good it means that person can't stop my progress it means I won't quit it means my future will be better it means my past was just that it means that my pain will heal it means I'm strong as **** it means my kindness isn't wasted it means I'll give you space it means I'm not tripping I'm good it means those ugly people don't matter it means I'm down for whatever it means that when I say I don't give a **** I'm just being clever I don't give a **** whenever

So cold this concrete floor
Voices muffled behind this steel door
As I wear this uniform faded blue
It's over my life is through
Feel the anger in this cage
Time to knuckle up enjoy the rage
No time to cling to fears
Dare not show those pathetic tears
Weakness will be consumed so quick
By these savages so sick
Come test me I'm ready
I shall not falter I'll stand steady
I'll fight leave you in a state of disarray
I'll stand my ground my heart won't fray
This evil to me nothing new
I would not wish on my enemy or you
Rifle in towers keeping things in check
Savages preaching misinterpreted respect
The days intertwine as one
Everything so grey no color not even the sun
A disowned son who will care
No need to ask if it's fair
Was this the best decision
Who cares ******* you're in prison

I don't want a thing from you yeah it's true, the price is too heavy. Forget who I am, move on leave my sight. I really don't want to fight. Your words burn like fire, you I no longer desire, this will be the last poem you inspire. My time being wasted, emotions being wasted, I'm being wasted, every moment with you wasted. I'm sorry you were here to realize that we are through, but I can't stand another second with you. You broke my heart the only thing I asked you not to do. It's cool I don't need a heart, it just made me weak, I should thank you for this gift. Now I can really be that cold ******* you say I've been. As you leave don't look back, just go.

So words ain't ****
I'm full of it
And you're not
So what's the plot
Is it just a game
Seems just the same
Why you playing
I can't tell from what you saying
All those fools got you trippin
So much attention got you slipping
It's cool I won't mind
I'm not blind
Do your thing
What can I bring
Like you need permission
I won't be another addition
To your group of thirst
I won't settle for anything less than first

So bask in this confusion
Hypnotized by societies illusion
Stay in this comfort zone
Be this mindless drone
Devour the lies they feed
Never dare to lead
Forget your goal
Refuse what's in your soul
Be plastic it's cool
Just another fool
Programmed as expected
Following as directed
A pawn the board
Monotony the reward
Nervermind the revolution
******* your evolution
Enjoy the misconception
How could this be deception
Silly boy how could society be untrue
Why would it lie to you
Your it's child look around
Yes look see what's really to be found

Insomnia
I can't sleep
I can't sleep
I can't sleep
**** I'm tired
Exhausted not expired
So much transpired
Their hate inspired
So many desired
Heart on fire
**** seems dire
Some still conspire
Label me liar
You I desire
It is clear
I'm still here
I have fear
But I persevere
Suffering always near
What to say
Push me away
Strength on display
I don't play
Held at bay
So you know
Let it show
Let it go
Take It slow
We can grow
If we share
Will we care
Things weren't fair
If we dare
End this despair
Insomnia
I can't sleep
Nightmares still creep
May not weep
Still cuts deep
I can't sleep
Thinking of you
Away from you
Laughing with you
Snapping on you
Inspired by you
Insomnia

I'll just say
By the way
You're beautiful
Yes indeed
Those brown eyes
Have me hypnotized
My Heartbeat pounds
Thoughts surround
Of only you
Yeah it's true
Another sleepless night
Feels so right
Promises I made
Will surgically persuade
How I write
Had me on sight
I miss your smile
It's been awhile

All those women who came never looked the same never used the same old line each of them would define who I would be yet I still feel somewhat empty if I described each interlude that would be rude speaking of each embrace has no place the names I have forgot never cheated so can't be caught to taint my loyalty i think not yes temptation is always there but I would never care what's the point to play brings pain and dismay I can enjoy only one You will be second to none explore every inch of you be dedicated and true a student always learning insatiably drawn constantly yearning open to discover peace which ever the form of release I'm always down for whatever I can be clever I'll ride or die for my lady I can crush all those who act shady I'll make you mad I'll hold you when you're sad make you want to kick my *** but I do know when to show some class I'm complicated for sure test me I will endure I am as strong as a lion yet sometimes inside I'm crying At times I get weak yet strength I will seek after all the pain I pursue yes it's you In this world of players and misguided heart slayers I know what I need a woman to nurture who's soul I can feed I am a man I do what I can another part of me for you to see

It's a mans world sure
You're a WOMAN you will endure
You have this mind
That's so rare to find
You're driven to succeed
With this need
To never be weak
What else do you seek
With the stress rising
It isn't surprising
Your frustration is growing
You have a talent of not showing
Since you're strong I'll say this
As you ponder on what you miss
The fun times you had
Being so good being a little bad
Don't worry about stumbling
If at times you're fumbling
Like challenges are anything new
With all that you are committed to
You're stronger than most
Since you won't say it I will boast
Take time to breathe now and then
You'll be ready when anxiety comes again

Here's a thought
I just got
You don't care
So why share
Dropping my guard
Wasn't that hard
Opening my heart
I did start
Poems so clever
Really just whatever
It's quite cool
You're no fool
I will respect
What you protect
You don't know
How I flow
It doesn't matter
This pointless chatter
It's quite alright
Bad timing right

Little dreams aloft
On my pillow soft
Sublime indeed
It's folly I feed
Listening with such passion
Hearing with no particular fashion
Should I decifer the code
Stay fearfully abode
But the nightmares though
Which shall grow
Each equally strong
So thrash all night long