My steel toes worn
Shirt is torn
Pants covered with dirt
My body always hurt
Migraine keeps pounding
Bosses always hounding
Never enough time
Trudging through grime
People talking ****
So full of it
The heat is draining
All I hear is complaining
By these lazy *** fools
Promises to keep my cool
My integrity in question
Did I forget to mention
I have fun at what I do
How about you

Would you say
You're stronger today
If tears fall
And anxiety calls
Expectations continue to pile
It's becoming harder to smile
Feeling it's never enough
Still being so so tough
Days longer by the hour
Exhaustion draining your power
With all this running around
Feeling like you let yourself down
Don't let disappointment set in
Excellence will never wear thin
With every breath you exhale
You are not designed to fail
Regardless of what has transpired
It's ok if you're tired
As your tears cleanse frustration
Remember you do bring inspiration
To every one you lead
You are growing you will succeed
I'm just a **** I don't know a thing
But I know you can do anything

As the pills
Sent those chills
I felt strange
I couldn't change
My body shivering
The pain delivering
Me closer now
I'm dying somehow
Blurry *** vision
Falling into submission
Slipping away again
Commiting a sin
All my rage
A pillbox cage
I can't explain
Yet I complain
How others are
Weak so far
Just let go
All I know
Shelf my hope
I can't cope
Honestly I apologize
My life I despise

I shed tears
Not from fears
Sadness or pain
Let me explain
How the rage
Is like a cage
Anger filled teardrops
While all control stops
Tortured by choices made
As my innocence fades
Consumed by the madness
No longer afflicted by sadness
No longer feeling at all
Tears as I begin to fall
Into the trap others designed
To keep me emotionally blind
Now a tool of aggression
A corrupted savage possession
Wandering lost in the wild
This abused suffocating child
Make your judgement wisely
Be certain when you despise me
Understand why you hate me
Regardless if you truly know me
I continue to search for peace
Tears fall realizing theres no release

At this table
Tearing the label
On this bottle
I hopelessly coddle
Seeking a solution
For my mental pollution
Time melting away
The longer I stay
Searching for something
Doesn't matter anything
To justify my existence
Which could end in an instance
I wish it would
Do it myself if I could
Chances for hope grows fewer
Told you my mind is like a sewer
Everyday I wake
I feel more like a mistake
It is a cruel world trust me I know
My existence is redundant I will go

Would you laugh
As I write
About simple things
Life can bring
How times change
Perspectives rearrange
Finding a release
Gaining more peace
Being kind
A little less blind
To everyone around
Empathy is found
As a heart can heal
Not afraid to feel
Anger is still there
Pain does reappear
Love a stranger
Emptiness a friend
My mind still needs to mend
I'm so different now
I persevere somehow
I'm a lonely loving fighter
This is my life

I will go
If you say so
Can't trust me
I understand completely
I'm not about drama and ****
Just stuck in the middle of it
But do I involve you no
It's not all I know
Yes I fight
Yes it isn't right
There's more to me
I protect persistently
I wonder if you care
If I share
Does it matter at all
If I text or call
You have things to do
I try to stay away from you
Your space I respect
So yeah protect
So I'm a friend
So let's not pretend
What do you see
A homie in me
If it's just game
Would be a shame
So with a smile
I'll be gone for a while
Not a choice I'll enjoy
But I'm a man not a boy
If you need a shoulder
When emotions colder
A ear to listen when troubled
My attention will be doubled
I know you're strong and tough
Yet sometimes it gets too rough
I'm drawn to you like a magnet
But this mistrust gets stagnant

Here once again
Diving deeper within
Lacking all comprehension
About the tension
Slave to stress
I must confess
That anxiety suffocates
Who can relate
Liquor is numbing
To what’s coming
No more pain
Feeling so mundane
Another pointless high
Time passing by
Another hostile situation  
Holding no reservation
As I contemplate
Each petty debate
Searching for change
My perceptions rearrange
This overwhelming emptiness
Coexists with loneliness
Taking its toll
Consuming me whole

Could dedication
Cause suffocation
Feeling helpless
Causing stress
Frustration unlocks tears
Then anger appears
It doesn't matter if you're tough
Sometimes it isn't enough
The wall will crack
As every burden rides your back
If you fake smilling and being kind
What will you find
Would it change how cowards act
Would your integrity be intact
I don't know your life's perception
If you wonder about my intention
I see you a fighter scrapping along
Always on edge being strong
You must be exhausted by now
Take time breathe somehow
Do you really need to do it alone
Trust none even now you're grown
I understand how it can be
So I'm acting kindly
Remember no strings attached
Hi receive the empathy dispatched
Others will care because they can
Im one who does this fighting man
Have faith I promise if you could
Just breathe all will be as it should
I'm just speaking to you
The only way I know how to

If you stay or go who will know what you can be only grasping at negativity amongst every opportunity and evolution that can encompass your very being, after every challenge and obstacle you have endured don’t let the shortcomings of others dictate your direction, embrace the chaos and peace intertwine both of their most precious gifts and excel pass the hate, the envy, pettiness, and misery that others wish to ensnare you with, don’t allow their prison to hold you hostage, be that vibrant, savage, beautiful, strong, and intelligent force that has made you the woman you are today, never let someone else’s weakness shackle you

Should I be
Living differently
Acquire that position
Level up ambition
Join the race
Giant in a small place
Win or die
Be that guy
To gain respect
Life I neglect
Sacrifices to impress
Waking to stress
To make money
But it’s funny
We must make it
While we fake ****
Eat the little fish
How we wish
For better days
As we stay
In this comfort zone
Our skills we hone
Paying a cost
To be a boss
Each has a price
Which may never suffice
To be on top
We must hop
To someone else
Forgetting one self
To ultimately succeed
Should I concede
I stay conflicted
Or maybe I’m misdirected

This girl so sweet
You won't notice
Her walking by
Or even laugh
When she cries
She stays at home
Watching her sisters
While the others play
Same thing everyday
She's beautiful and smart
With a loving heart
Having to grow so fast
She gets lonelier
Wishing for an escape
A little time to be free
Guilt always overwhelms her
When she isn't there
Never seems to be enough
Never complains always so tough

I'm simple
Not much to see
Drifting here
Over there
Wasting time
Jotting a rhyme
Thinking heavily
About nothing
Silly right
Wasting time
Going nowhere fast
Shouldn't last
Expiration past
No one left to fight
Isn't right
Whatever
Seemed clever
But am I
So simple

If I fail
To deliver this message
Remember what I do
No one can tell
How I feel for you
Times seem cold
Conversations have ended
No reason for what we do
The pain is there
So is the beauty
Emptiness may be haunting
But we still care

I won’t lie
I would fly
If I wasn’t anchored by this chain
Created by guilt and pain
Every moment I’ve spent
In this torment
Plotting my next move
Wondering what I have to prove
To everyone around
Have I done enough
Am I that tough
Do I deserve peace
Will my sorrow ever cease
Shall I still burn
Will my rage still spurn
**** these questions pathetic
**** acting so empathetic
The irony binds me
Others hostility blinds me
Resist the vicious instinct
Please violence become extinct
I have promises to keep
Yet I’m losing sleep
My anxiety suffocates me
Causes me to act senselessly
Control is so sporadic
As emotions become erratic

Just one you
I'm running to
Can I be
Is she
My loving end
One to mend
All that's broken
My poetically spoken
Inspiration to hold
When I'm cold
Empty inside
When I hide
She will find
Me wandering blind
A hopeless romantic
Feeling so frantic
Afraid to feel
So i conceal
But should I
If I try
To be there
Will she care
Coldness my history
Love a mystery
Loneliness seems constant
Affection stays distant
As it will
I'm dreaming still

If I dream
It may seem
I chase impossibilities
Searching for sensibilities
In this life
Crazed by stryfe
Asking wrong questions
Following worse suggestions
Yet I persevere
Isn’t always clear
Where to go
Most seldom know
Their own identity
Or their destiny
Some will follow
Leadership that’s hollow
Some spark revolution
To embrace evolution
Over the despair
Just to care
Show some kindness
Amongst the blindness
Is it weak
Just to seek
Some simple empathy
Demonstrate some sympathy
To others suffering
Or do nothing
As others burn
Let hatred spurn
Bullying others senselessly
Into fear relentlessly
Is this righteousness
To control consciousness
With manipulative desires
Greedily it inspires
The selfish advancement
Or wealth enhancement
Who will resist
Or even insist
Freedom and peace
If this mentality won’t cease

When I fall I stand
when I have nothing I'll lend my helping hand
when I fight
it's always for something right
I'm always misunderstood
I'm just a bad boy trying to be good

Hello beautiful pain
It's so insane
How i chase
Your cynical embrace
Passionately so blind
Torturing my mind
With the emptiness
And the stress
Consuming my soul
Taking all control
A delightful nightmare
Dwelling over there
Holding me tight
Every single night
Hurt me please
I will appease
Your malicious intent
With unwavering content
Till the end
My only friend

As I lay
In this bed
Thoughts stray
Clouding my head
As she sleeps
So peacefully there
Thoughts still creep
Should I care
Am I content
Is she
All the time spent
Holding each other insatiably
Why do I dwell
Asking silly things
If time will tell
What this may bring
Let it go
She is here
What should I know
What isn't clear

On this road I drive; wishing for time. I guess I should be happy I still drive. Have a place to go, must work to survive

You and I
Had to die
It's over now
Tell me how
We ended here
After every year
We felt stronger
But no longer
Was it me
Acting cold heartedly
Was it you
Being so untrue
The two wrongs
Same old songs
Two lovers scorned
Lying here forlorned
On this ledge
I did pledge
My soul forever
But now never
Our bond broken
Pain has spoken
I'll leave today
Nothing else to say
I'm finally ready
Since you left already

Shaking your head
From what I said
The words sting
Describing everything
We threw away
I would stay
But the choices made
Cut like a blade
Betrayal and lies
The love a disguise
For all the pain
With nothing gain
From this affair
I did care
I might seem strange
But things change
Everything comes to an end
You were my friend
Now I must go
If it was real I’ll never know

I’m sorry I broke you
I’m sorry I broke you
At last I’m being true
Didn’t know what else to do
If yours tears will let you see
The difference within me
Overlook my selfish way
Allow me to convey
My most sincere explanation
Of why I would cause so much devastation
How I could break your soul
While holding your mind under my control
This selfish boy I was so proud to be
Was a beacon of negativity
Chaotically hovering over your vulnerability
Taking your kindness for granted idiotically
My suffering hid my true emotions
Causing a misrepresentation of devotions
Trying to share my suffering and pain
In a way only a monster can explain
I’m sorry I broke you
I’m sorry I broke you
Once I reassemble your pieces
And the pain ceases
And you choose to forget me
Would you ever consider forgiving me

Lend me your burden for a while
Just sit back breathe smile
Trust me I know the pain
How it can feel so insane
Taking every blow being tough
Feeling like it’s never enough
Constantly searching for strength
Keeping failure at arms length
Shoulders aching from the weight
Frustration makes you contemplate
If you should go or stay
If caring matters anyway
Heart afraid to confess
That you need a caress
Body and mind aching from stress
In a situation that seems pointless
Hardwork dedication don’t matter
Tired of the gossiping chatter
Searching for peace so high
Searching for truth in every lie
Growing up so fast
Those blissful moments rarely last
Who will understand or care
So what’s the point to share
Just like every poem I create
Who will notice or relate
It’s not wrong to feel
Unless it’s all unreal

Been awhile
Since I shed
A single tear
Just none left
Numb to pain
Emotions disappear
A cold wanderer
Blowing through time
Oblivious to everything
That would save my mind
As I gave into strife
I handed over bits of my soul
While losing more control
Of my life
Like I had any before

Me old man boring
conversations keep women snoring
I don't hang out in bars
Or make out in cars
Haven't seen a club in a while
No longer my style
No more stories to share
Or albums of women in underwear
I'd rather listen to music at home
Spend all night writing poems
Watching YouTube and HBO
Do I miss it no
But when i was a teen
Played in the party scene
A new girlfriend
Every weekend
You know that 7 day affair
Having fun didn't care
Every shot and bottle of beer
Made things clear
I was living too fast
Where I'm from life doesnt last
On the grind hustling all day
So at night I could play
Always down for whatever
Ready to go whenever
As I got older it became dull in fact
I became more aware of how I act
This **** a bad boy in this game
To be an old *** player so lame
So yeah I'm boring today
Not as much fun as yesterday
So now I'm hated misunderstood
Because I'm different trying to be good

There is pleasure
There is pain
This I treasure
Drives me insane
I've known joy
I've known misery
Simple little boy
Man fighting viciously
Tasted lips sweet
Left there heartbroken
My skipping heartbeat
Hurtful words spoken
Passion so intense
Loneliness even more
Just made sense
Just as before
Smiling all day
Dropping of tears
Happiness at play
Love just disappears
Floating on air
Drowning so fast
Hope is everywhere
It doesn't last
It's so clear
Yet I'm confused
Sublime in here
Emotions being misused

Here I stand
With a empty hand
Mind clouded by anger
Surrounded by danger
No more gun for protection
In this house of correction
Only way to make knees buckle
Are my bare knuckles
I’ve enter here alone
Hard as stone
With nothing to lose
And no time to snooze
The haters creeping
Will get you while sleeping
No reform in this gladiator school
Violence and intimidation are a tool
Trying to make that date
Some kind of fate
I suppose my past affliction
Cast a subtle reflection
Of my present way of life
Yet I suffer from different strife
Incarcerated by guilt and pain
Nearly drove me insane
Yet my anxiety still binds me
Eventually I may live peacefully

As pride swelled
I was compelled
To walk away
I couldnt convey
How I feel
To be real
I'm so afraid
If I displayed
Or even mention
My loving intention
Building in me
Which grows persistently
Every rising sun
I reluctantly shun
From this chance
Unsure of romance
My heart untrusting
Only known lusting
I must apologize
Hope you realize
My beautiful flower
Every passing hour
I'm falling more
Like never before
But do you
Feel this too

You will never hear me say
I hate my life today
I made this decision
I was on this collision
With everything on my mind
Struggling to find
A little happiness
Always consumed by stress
I think it's so **** funny
Thinking if I had so much money
Would make everything worth more
But I was wealthier when I was poor
Did any woman I made love to care
Did any of them have love to share
I'm inexperienced when I feel
I wouldn't know it if it were real
Does it make sense love is scary
The closer I get the more I get wary
People will say im bad every time
Regardless of every hill I climb
They only see aggression in me
Instead of how I live passionately
It took a long time for me to grow
To let these emotions show
This I don't show I'm always in pain
A work in progress I won't complain
I don't know where I'll be heading
No longer am I dreading
Each morning I wake
Or how long it will take
To find my place and time to rest
I studied my whole life for this test

In my head
I do dread
What I see
Inside of me
Through the years
And the tears
I felt insane
From the pain
All the confusion
And the dillusion
There's no escape
From the hate
Years of abuse
And substance use
****** and ****
Fist they hit
Across my face
Frustration they misplace
Ugliness became me
Innocence ripped viciously
Saw a ******
I dove further
Insomnia now arrives
Nightmares now thrives
Beatings more violent
I'm more irrelevant
Let's fast forward
Life more horrid
Another ******* death
Friend's last breath
He committed suicide
Emptiness consumes inside
Youth in hell
Where I dwell
Gunsmoke choking me
Monsters hunting me
Now the cage
Woman's misplaced rage
Here's the twist
With my fist
With much force
I'm the source
A chilling beast
Wicked I feast
A menacing fool
Violence my tool
Scars go deep
No longer weep
Burden crushing shoulder
I grow colder
Bloodstained hands tremble
Now I resemble
What I despise
**** no surprise
Daughters ripped away
Shame on display
Tears soaking inside
Emotions must hide
People judging me
Reacting so ignorantly
When I'm down
Kicking me around
When I'm soaring
Good times roaring
Now I'm grown
I'm more alone
Hard to feel
Need to heal
I am dying
But I'm trying
But this rage
Is a cage
Do you see
Beauty in me
Is it there
I'm so unaware
Please I say
I'm on display
I do try
That's no lie

With each moment
Pieces are spent
A bit of soul
A little heart
The mind
Some conversation
Even love
Some heartache
Feelings change
People too
Work is expected
Relaxation neglected
Closeness comes
Then it goes
Experiences leave a mark
Mistakes make us grow
Pain can linger  
So can joy
Happiness is relative
To what one desires
As others conspire
A true friend will prevail
Deflecting hate on every scale
Strength will flourish
Peace may nourish
The uneasiness felt
When failure is dealt
Yet if we fall
Who will we call
As pieces are spent
What will become of the moment

As I contemplate
Our trifling debate
You need space
So with grace
I will go
You should know
If I leave
Please do believe
I will depart
With a broken heart
I will forget
With no regret
Your callous way
Every single day
You killed me
Acting so selfishly
I'm to blame
Being so lame
Just so unaware
You didn't care

I’m here alone
With nothing shown
For my decision
Lacking the vision
Yet I’m insightful
When the chaos
And I cross
These games played
Every move displayed
Falling deeper still
Embracing the chill
Draping my heart
Tears me apart
Those around me
Will never see
The nightmares hovering
I’m constantly covering
Hiding behind smiles
Jokingly I beguile
Wearily I wake
Contentment I fake
Must push forward
Slowly moving towards
Some peaceful release
Will rage cease

So I act different how
So tell me now
Don’t spin those lies
Open my eyes
To what you see
What has changed in me
Is it my cold demeanor
When you searched for the greener
Or does my ruthless silence
Increase the suspense
Thought you had me read
Boasting how you’re in my head
Did you beleive im blind
To the betrayal you hide behind
You mistook my kindness
Like the others as weakness
As my empathy disappears
You begin to shed tears
Where was your sensitivity
When you were acting so selfishly
I’m supposed to show forgiveness
Sorry I’m not that righteous
I assured you i can be heartless
So let me simply confess
Remember my heart you have broken
Like every deceptive word spoken
You will not do this to me twice      One false love for me will suffice

On this crooked street I stroll
Dodging swiftly past the shadowy patrol
Traces of sulfur lingers about
Zeroing in on a fading shout
Street lights flickering dim
This feels so grim
Can't fall astray not here
Can't afford the price of fear
This place follows no rule
It's sinister it's cruel
Weakness has no place
There's monsters with no face
No empathy no heart
Kindness is ripped apart
The innocent struggle to hide
When these monsters collide
Their rampage leaves destruction
No help consumed by corruption
Failed system colored blue
Pain and anguish nothing new
So cold it seems this life
At times I couldn't dodge the stryfe
Some say a choice is there
If so these monsters must be unaware

**** another call missed
Nonstop must be ******
What are they doing
What keeps them pursuing
Same time every night
All at the same time can't be right
Is there some reason I can't see
Is the answer escaping me
They're all so different too
Each bringing something new
Eclectic faces and styles
With pretty eyes and cunning smiles
Taunting with stunning curves
They cause my attention to swerve
Not much to our conversations
Just preludes to nightly reservations
Bottles of wine empty so swift
Sticky green burning will uplift
Tension will begin to disappear
The scent of them as they come near
Drives me insane with desire
With each touch ignites into fire
As each different one calls again
I feel out of touch empty within
I should be thankful but I'm not
Living so lustfuly a afterthought
But my cold heart is conflicted
I want change but I'm addicted
To the empty passion I know
But I wonder if my heart can grow
These women don't seem to mind
I'm just out of sight out of mind
A ***** little secret interlude to enjoy
This very very very bad boy

If I left today
My letter will say
I lost hope
Couldn't cope
After every year
Trapped in here
I'm so awkward
Spiraling alone downward
I belong nowhere
Especially not here
Drugs aren't working
Demons still lurking
Alcohol isn't erasing
The nightmares chasing
The abuse increasing
Closer to releasing
The trigger now
Please help somehow
The face I see
Is so ugly to me
I am invisible
End closing in
So hollow within
No one will care
If I wasn't there

Have those eyes seen
Or read between
Each and every tear
With someone near
Or running away
Broken in such a way
When pain can only convey
What is buried deep
Losing so much sleep
Thinking of the storm
In an embrace so warm
Lips caressing the silence
Of a love so intense
That is torn apart
Fearing a brand new start
Passion can blind me so
Not knowing where to go
I’m giving up again
Falling back within
Touch me are you real
Explain to me what I feel
Look into my eyes
See the scars from lies
I truly have tried to live
Have you seen what these eyes have to give

As the last dollar falls
The bartender shouting last call
The conversations ending
The back up texts are sending
Dodging the hammered stumbling
Sorting out drunken mumbling
The faces look different in the light
Can tell they been out all night
Having to finish my beer
Time to get out of here
It was fun while it lasted
So many years getting blasted
Going to make that taco shop run
That drive is going to be some fun
Follow those blurry lines to the pad
Talk about the crazy *** time i had
Always a new adventure my friend
Doing this **** every weekend

I was shallow
So very cruel
Cold as ****
Greed consumed me
My life empty
No time to feel
Only thing real
Is the money
It's ******* funny
When it's there
Fake ***** care
Now I'm broke
I'm a joke
Here's some real
I'm lost
Looking for a place
My mind I face
With intent
To vent
To expel
Maybe repel
What I feel
As I write
You just might
See how true
I am with you
Every line I conceive
Isn't to deceive
They're a lifetime
In a rhyme
Good and bad
Happy and sad
All the *******
Living with it
I won't mind
If you find
My words pointless
As I confess

Don’t trust me
I’ll treat you poorly
This guy standing here
May seem sincere
But I’m hiding
While you’re deciding
To take a chance
To explore romance
With this bad guy
Pointless to try
To change me now
I’ve been lost somehow
My feelings are cold
Gets worse as I get old
I will cause you pain
Drive you insane
With every futile debate
You will grow with hate
When you see my face
Your feelings will misplace
Thinking of every storm deployed
As all trust is destroyed
After every emotional shove
You still try to show me how to love
I just can’t get it
Will cause you to regret it
Even though I wish to care
There’s just nothing left to share

It’s been awhile
Since you cast a smile
Over at me
So let’s see
Are you still down
To play around
Are you ready still
To make time to chill
Look into my eyes
I don’t **** with lies
Open up show no fear
It’s safe within here
No need to worry
Or run away in a hurry
I might seem too bad
I might make you mad
The rumors don’t mean ****
You know gossip don’t quit
Making **** twisted
Keeping this **** tight ******
I will caress your soul
Your mind body the whole
I do everything with passion
It’s just my particular fashion
I don’t have stacks of money
But my life is rich funny
Others label me lame
I’m just me no need for game
******* lips
Let me taste your hips
If not feel my fire
And what it can inspire
I will break you into pieces
Until your misery ceases
You will breathe even more
Rebuild you better than before
Like I said it’s been awhile
Since you shared that real smile
My words aren’t here to beguile
It’s how I communicate my style

I have intentions
I shouldn’t mention
A simple goal
Experience you whole
Where to start
Tear everything apart
Break you down
From now on
You will change
Might feel strange
Losing all control
Of your soul
You might feel
I’m not real
But I’m fire
Your sole desire
Simply I’m weilding
The tools shielding
You from pain
May seem insane
As I begin
Rebuilding you from within
Relax release your anxiety
Ignore the hate from society
Breathe open your mind
Release what makes you blind

Take the time
To simply climb
Above the hate
Just breathe escalate
Never settle for less
Don’t succumb to stress
Fight for peace
Misery will cease
Yeah I said fight
But it’s right
You won’t fail
You will prevail
Shedding those tears
Conquer your fears
Face that ****
Don’t you quit
Is that you
Just be true
Those brownnosing *******
And the snitches
Can’t touch you
Stay powerfully true
Find the solution
So in conclusion
You will persevere
Can you see what’s so clear