Would you laugh
As I write
About simple things
Life can bring
How times change
Perspectives rearrange
Finding a release
Gaining more peace
Being kind
A little less blind
To everyone around
Empathy is found
As a heart can heal
Not afraid to feel
Anger is still there
Pain does reappear
Love a stranger
Emptiness a friend
My mind still needs to mend
I'm so different now
I persevere somehow
I'm a lonely loving fighter
This is my life

If you ask
About your task
Why you stay
Among dismay
Teetering between lies
Wearing your disguise
Weaving your manipulation
To avoid subjugation
Wearing yourself thin
Again and again
Not realizing reality
Is fleeting quickly
Believing the fake
Every breath you take
Investing in misinformation
As a foundation
To move forward
Dashing blindly toward
What you avoid
Growing so paranoid
As days linger endlessly
Pressure mounts relentlessly
When it takes toll
You’re desire for control
Slows your progression
Heeding your obsession
To resist all peace
Causes your anxiety to increase

When I fall I stand
when I have nothing I'll lend my helping hand
when I fight
it's always for something right
I'm always misunderstood
I'm just a bad boy trying to be good

This woman you see
Stomping so intrepidly
Casting that smile
That lingers for a while
Speaks so passionately
About her thoughts unequivocally
Carrying a mountain
So cool refreshing a fountain
Controls settings with her presence
With a truly dedicated essence
Yet she can explode like a bomb
Just as quickly be so calm
Show some ruthless behavior
While being a righteous savior
So straightforward it will sting
But she won't embellish a thing
A real one a pleasure knowing her
Crazy **** and cool all there
As my words are trying to flatter
She's down to earth so these lines won't matter

I won’t lie
I would fly
If I wasn’t anchored by this chain
Created by guilt and pain
Every moment I’ve spent
In this torment
Plotting my next move
Wondering what I have to prove
To everyone around
Have I done enough
Am I that tough
Do I deserve peace
Will my sorrow ever cease
Shall I still burn
Will my rage still spurn
**** these questions pathetic
**** acting so empathetic
The irony binds me
Others hostility blinds me
Resist the vicious instinct
Please violence become extinct
I have promises to keep
Yet I’m losing sleep
My anxiety suffocates me
Causes me to act senselessly
Control is so sporadic
As emotions become erratic

Ever felt depressed
Constantly stressed
Anxiety full throttle
Climbing into a bottle
No time to rest
Each day a test
The sacrifices stacking
A release lacking
The good times pass
Work kicking your ***
Consumed by a need
A desire to exceed
At every challenging endeavor
It's admirable however
Everything has a price
Felt nothing would suffice
Materialistic values start fading
As different goals are cascading
Having to be the rock
Constantly racing the clock
No time for games people play
Always cautious of what to say
Worries about others deception
Maintaining a certain perception
Staying true to certain devotions
While suppressing a few emotions
Casting smiles and a crooked grin
To hide the muted feelings within
The loneliness heavy and intense
Yet other feelings make more sense
I've felt this a long time ago
In a desperate act I let everything go
There's just better things in life I seek

It brings no delight
When I write
About your stress
To confess
Just to keep it real
I don't know how you feel
I know you are strong
So if I'm wrong
I meant no offense
Should I use more common sense
Just trying to be a friend
With the lame poems I send
No matter how much we fight
I want to know you're alright

Here's a thought
I just got
You don't care
So why share
Dropping my guard
Wasn't that hard
Opening my heart
I did start
Poems so clever
Really just whatever
It's quite cool
You're no fool
I will respect
What you protect
You don't know
How I flow
It doesn't matter
This pointless chatter
It's quite alright
Bad timing right

Take the time
To simply climb
Above the hate
Just breathe escalate
Never settle for less
Don’t succumb to stress
Fight for peace
Misery will cease
Yeah I said fight
But it’s right
You won’t fail
You will prevail
Shedding those tears
Conquer your fears
Face that ****
Don’t you quit
Is that you
Just be true
Those brownnosing *******
And the snitches
Can’t touch you
Stay powerfully true
Find the solution
So in conclusion
You will persevere
Can you see what’s so clear

Am I wise
It might surprise
Quite a few
What I do
Why I’m here
After every year
Struggling
Juggling
The choices made
Regret slowly fades
Risking it all
Just to fall
Happiness and pain
The same chain
Which can bind
Keeping one blind
To simpler things
It may sting
To let it go
You should know
Passion is complicated
Yet I’m dedicated
Moving forward again
Remembering where I been
This troubled man
Has a plan

The beer isn't working
Those thoughts lurking
I'm so depressed it's true
But what can I do
If I don't know the problem
How will I be able to solve them
It's like this every now and then
Never knowing how it will begin
What causes my depression
How it leaves such an impression
Should I be concerned
What haven't I learned
Throughout my troubled past
Being told I would never last
Here I am asking what to do
Head down heart torn no clue
As intelligent as I can be
The answers still elude me
I can't fight what I can't see
Still it's prisoner thought I was free
I struggle to maintain composure
How can I gain closure
If I'm still wandering around blind
Will there ever be answers to find

Me old man boring
conversations keep women snoring
I don't hang out in bars
Or make out in cars
Haven't seen a club in a while
No longer my style
No more stories to share
Or albums of women in underwear
I'd rather listen to music at home
Spend all night writing poems
Watching YouTube and HBO
Do I miss it no
But when i was a teen
Played in the party scene
A new girlfriend
Every weekend
You know that 7 day affair
Having fun didn't care
Every shot and bottle of beer
Made things clear
I was living too fast
Where I'm from life doesnt last
On the grind hustling all day
So at night I could play
Always down for whatever
Ready to go whenever
As I got older it became dull in fact
I became more aware of how I act
This **** a bad boy in this game
To be an old *** player so lame
So yeah I'm boring today
Not as much fun as yesterday
So now I'm hated misunderstood
Because I'm different trying to be good

It's a mans world sure
You're a WOMAN you will endure
You have this mind
That's so rare to find
You're driven to succeed
With this need
To never be weak
What else do you seek
With the stress rising
It isn't surprising
Your frustration is growing
You have a talent of not showing
Since you're strong I'll say this
As you ponder on what you miss
The fun times you had
Being so good being a little bad
Don't worry about stumbling
If at times you're fumbling
Like challenges are anything new
With all that you are committed to
You're stronger than most
Since you won't say it I will boast
Take time to breathe now and then
You'll be ready when anxiety comes again

Lend me your burden for a while
Just sit back breathe smile
Trust me I know the pain
How it can feel so insane
Taking every blow being tough
Feeling like it’s never enough
Constantly searching for strength
Keeping failure at arms length
Shoulders aching from the weight
Frustration makes you contemplate
If you should go or stay
If caring matters anyway
Heart afraid to confess
That you need a caress
Body and mind aching from stress
In a situation that seems pointless
Hardwork dedication don’t matter
Tired of the gossiping chatter
Searching for peace so high
Searching for truth in every lie
Growing up so fast
Those blissful moments rarely last
Who will understand or care
So what’s the point to share
Just like every poem I create
Who will notice or relate
It’s not wrong to feel
Unless it’s all unreal

Should I be
Living differently
Acquire that position
Level up ambition
Join the race
Giant in a small place
Win or die
Be that guy
To gain respect
Life I neglect
Sacrifices to impress
Waking to stress
To make money
But it’s funny
We must make it
While we fake ****
Eat the little fish
How we wish
For better days
As we stay
In this comfort zone
Our skills we hone
Paying a cost
To be a boss
Each has a price
Which may never suffice
To be on top
We must hop
To someone else
Forgetting one self
To ultimately succeed
Should I concede
I stay conflicted
Or maybe I’m misdirected

So cold this concrete floor
Voices muffled behind this steel door
As I wear this uniform faded blue
It's over my life is through
Feel the anger in this cage
Time to knuckle up enjoy the rage
No time to cling to fears
Dare not show those pathetic tears
Weakness will be consumed so quick
By these savages so sick
Come test me I'm ready
I shall not falter I'll stand steady
I'll fight leave you in a state of disarray
I'll stand my ground my heart won't fray
This evil to me nothing new
I would not wish on my enemy or you
Rifle in towers keeping things in check
Savages preaching misinterpreted respect
The days intertwine as one
Everything so grey no color not even the sun
A disowned son who will care
No need to ask if it's fair
Was this the best decision
Who cares ******* you're in prison

I was shallow
So very cruel
Cold as ****
Greed consumed me
My life empty
No time to feel
Only thing real
Is the money
It's ******* funny
When it's there
Fake ***** care
Now I'm broke
I'm a joke
Here's some real
I'm lost
Looking for a place
My mind I face
With intent
To vent
To expel
Maybe repel
What I feel
As I write
You just might
See how true
I am with you
Every line I conceive
Isn't to deceive
They're a lifetime
In a rhyme
Good and bad
Happy and sad
All the *******
Living with it
I won't mind
If you find
My words pointless
As I confess

Been awhile
Since I shed
A single tear
Just none left
Numb to pain
Emotions disappear
A cold wanderer
Blowing through time
Oblivious to everything
That would save my mind
As I gave into strife
I handed over bits of my soul
While losing more control
Of my life
Like I had any before

Writing this on lunch
There is this time crunch
Nothing going right
7 o'clock so far out of sight
The crew getting crazy
Same old fools still lazy
Work orders stacking
Im overwhelmed it's distracting
Have to fix the situation
Always some complication
4 more hours to go
It will be fun I know
Have to get my *** in gear
So I can get the hell out of here

Could dedication
Cause suffocation
Feeling helpless
Causing stress
Frustration unlocks tears
Then anger appears
It doesn't matter if you're tough
Sometimes it isn't enough
The wall will crack
As every burden rides your back
If you fake smilling and being kind
What will you find
Would it change how cowards act
Would your integrity be intact
I don't know your life's perception
If you wonder about my intention
I see you a fighter scrapping along
Always on edge being strong
You must be exhausted by now
Take time breathe somehow
Do you really need to do it alone
Trust none even now you're grown
I understand how it can be
So I'm acting kindly
Remember no strings attached
Hi receive the empathy dispatched
Others will care because they can
Im one who does this fighting man
Have faith I promise if you could
Just breathe all will be as it should
I'm just speaking to you
The only way I know how to

To be honest
I don't like how you're acting
The way you've been overreacting
Trying to be dismissive and cold
It's becoming old
But I can't tell you how to be
But I can avoid what's negative to me
If youre compelled to be hostile
Being around you is futile
Normally I could care less
Yet it's causing confusion and stress
I would have just shut you out
But you're important to me no doubt
You've helped me reflect
But I'm trying to show respect
But I'm close to not giving a ****
But I do, so i feel like I'm stuck

Just one you
I'm running to
Can I be
Is she
My loving end
One to mend
All that's broken
My poetically spoken
Inspiration to hold
When I'm cold
Empty inside
When I hide
She will find
Me wandering blind
A hopeless romantic
Feeling so frantic
Afraid to feel
So i conceal
But should I
If I try
To be there
Will she care
Coldness my history
Love a mystery
Loneliness seems constant
Affection stays distant
As it will
I'm dreaming still

Don’t trust me
I’ll treat you poorly
This guy standing here
May seem sincere
But I’m hiding
While you’re deciding
To take a chance
To explore romance
With this bad guy
Pointless to try
To change me now
I’ve been lost somehow
My feelings are cold
Gets worse as I get old
I will cause you pain
Drive you insane
With every futile debate
You will grow with hate
When you see my face
Your feelings will misplace
Thinking of every storm deployed
As all trust is destroyed
After every emotional shove
You still try to show me how to love
I just can’t get it
Will cause you to regret it
Even though I wish to care
There’s just nothing left to share

So I act different how
So tell me now
Don’t spin those lies
Open my eyes
To what you see
What has changed in me
Is it my cold demeanor
When you searched for the greener
Or does my ruthless silence
Increase the suspense
Thought you had me read
Boasting how you’re in my head
Did you beleive im blind
To the betrayal you hide behind
You mistook my kindness
Like the others as weakness
As my empathy disappears
You begin to shed tears
Where was your sensitivity
When you were acting so selfishly
I’m supposed to show forgiveness
Sorry I’m not that righteous
I assured you i can be heartless
So let me simply confess
Remember my heart you have broken
Like every deceptive word spoken
You will not do this to me twice      One false love for me will suffice

So words ain't ****
I'm full of it
And you're not
So what's the plot
Is it just a game
Seems just the same
Why you playing
I can't tell from what you saying
All those fools got you trippin
So much attention got you slipping
It's cool I won't mind
I'm not blind
Do your thing
What can I bring
Like you need permission
I won't be another addition
To your group of thirst
I won't settle for anything less than first

At this table
Tearing the label
On this bottle
I hopelessly coddle
Seeking a solution
For my mental pollution
Time melting away
The longer I stay
Searching for something
Doesn't matter anything
To justify my existence
Which could end in an instance
I wish it would
Do it myself if I could
Chances for hope grows fewer
Told you my mind is like a sewer
Everyday I wake
I feel more like a mistake
It is a cruel world trust me I know
My existence is redundant I will go

If you stay or go who will know what you can be only grasping at negativity amongst every opportunity and evolution that can encompass your very being, after every challenge and obstacle you have endured don’t let the shortcomings of others dictate your direction, embrace the chaos and peace intertwine both of their most precious gifts and excel pass the hate, the envy, pettiness, and misery that others wish to ensnare you with, don’t allow their prison to hold you hostage, be that vibrant, savage, beautiful, strong, and intelligent force that has made you the woman you are today, never let someone else’s weakness shackle you

Have those eyes seen
Or read between
Each and every tear
With someone near
Or running away
Broken in such a way
When pain can only convey
What is buried deep
Losing so much sleep
Thinking of the storm
In an embrace so warm
Lips caressing the silence
Of a love so intense
That is torn apart
Fearing a brand new start
Passion can blind me so
Not knowing where to go
I’m giving up again
Falling back within
Touch me are you real
Explain to me what I feel
Look into my eyes
See the scars from lies
I truly have tried to live
Have you seen what these eyes have to give

I rage
     my cage
my pain
         it's insane
it kills
      no thrills
no hope
         can't cope
little *****
            mental glitch
vision blurry
                 voice slurry
collecting scars
                     counting stars
losing touch
                unstable crutch
can't stand
             don't understand
**** it **** it **** it
but wait
           this hate
isn't me
          I'm free
escaped hell
                   I fell
it's true
        nothing new
many will
           yet still
the fear
          is here
every moment
                 feeling irrelevant
knowing differently
             suffering constantly
the fighting
            less inviting
it's cool it's cool it's cool
I feel
        I heal
I care
        im aware
loving I
beautiful I
loyal I
protective I
   I see inside me

I don't want a thing from you yeah it's true, the price is too heavy. Forget who I am, move on leave my sight. I really don't want to fight. Your words burn like fire, you I no longer desire, this will be the last poem you inspire. My time being wasted, emotions being wasted, I'm being wasted, every moment with you wasted. I'm sorry you were here to realize that we are through, but I can't stand another second with you. You broke my heart the only thing I asked you not to do. It's cool I don't need a heart, it just made me weak, I should thank you for this gift. Now I can really be that cold ******* you say I've been. As you leave don't look back, just go.

Sometimes I smile
Been a while
Yet I do
Mostly for you
I'm just saying
Mind always straying
Feelings shut down
When you're around
I do fear
When you're near
How I feel
I shouldn't reveal
Better left unsaid
Use my head

I’m here alone
With nothing shown
For my decision
Lacking the vision
Yet I’m insightful
When the chaos
And I cross
These games played
Every move displayed
Falling deeper still
Embracing the chill
Draping my heart
Tears me apart
Those around me
Will never see
The nightmares hovering
I’m constantly covering
Hiding behind smiles
Jokingly I beguile
Wearily I wake
Contentment I fake
Must push forward
Slowly moving towards
Some peaceful release
Will rage cease

Doesn't take time
To write a rhyme
Obstacles I always climb
Confusing texts will chime
Faith feels so sublime
Honesty doesn't cost a dime
Orchestrating a simple game
With what's their name
Defeated as they came
These bullies are lame
They're so easy to tame
Poor little fools what a shame
Been playing so long
Dodging death became strong
It's the same old song
Don't know where I belong
It always feel so wrong
So many strangers I walk among
Stumbling in my daydream
Let my chaos scream
Flowing like a jet stream
My thoughts never mainstream
Pride coursing in my bloodstream
My passionate soul will gleam
Loneliness at night whatever
Will never be alone however
Make money comes whenever
The hustle came whichever
Stay real that's forever
This bad boy can be clever
******* I don't say
Hearts I won't play
Truth I will convey
Karma had a heavy price to pay
Emotions never have time to stay
***** I'll be just fine anyway

If I fail
To deliver this message
Remember what I do
No one can tell
How I feel for you
Times seem cold
Conversations have ended
No reason for what we do
The pain is there
So is the beauty
Emptiness may be haunting
But we still care

You think I'm weak
Because I feel
Immature how
Because my rage got the best of me
It feels wrong
Mind spinning all night long
Are you playing with my head
Or even worse my heart
Instead of build me up
You would rather tear me apart
It's nothing new
You have your reasons
I probably mean nothing to you

What you said
Stuck in my head
Fuckable not datable
Would have been debatable
But I found it relatable
In my past
Women didn't last
The things I've done
So brief but so much fun
No feelings shared
So romantically impaired
This bad boy meant nothing
A possession or something
I thought it was luck
They didn't give a ****
It nurtured my cold *** heart
Something to toy with torn apart
All the games played
All the indifference displayed
I won't even pretend
It means nothing in the end
But I don't want to die alone
But it's all I've ever known

In my head
I do dread
What I see
Inside of me
Through the years
And the tears
I felt insane
From the pain
All the confusion
And the dillusion
There's no escape
From the hate
Years of abuse
And substance use
****** and ****
Fist they hit
Across my face
Frustration they misplace
Ugliness became me
Innocence ripped viciously
Saw a ******
I dove further
Insomnia now arrives
Nightmares now thrives
Beatings more violent
I'm more irrelevant
Let's fast forward
Life more horrid
Another ******* death
Friend's last breath
He committed suicide
Emptiness consumes inside
Youth in hell
Where I dwell
Gunsmoke choking me
Monsters hunting me
Now the cage
Woman's misplaced rage
Here's the twist
With my fist
With much force
I'm the source
A chilling beast
Wicked I feast
A menacing fool
Violence my tool
Scars go deep
No longer weep
Burden crushing shoulder
I grow colder
Bloodstained hands tremble
Now I resemble
What I despise
**** no surprise
Daughters ripped away
Shame on display
Tears soaking inside
Emotions must hide
People judging me
Reacting so ignorantly
When I'm down
Kicking me around
When I'm soaring
Good times roaring
Now I'm grown
I'm more alone
Hard to feel
Need to heal
I am dying
But I'm trying
But this rage
Is a cage
Do you see
Beauty in me
Is it there
I'm so unaware
Please I say
I'm on display
I do try
That's no lie

Insomnia
I can't sleep
I can't sleep
I can't sleep
**** I'm tired
Exhausted not expired
So much transpired
Their hate inspired
So many desired
Heart on fire
**** seems dire
Some still conspire
Label me liar
You I desire
It is clear
I'm still here
I have fear
But I persevere
Suffering always near
What to say
Push me away
Strength on display
I don't play
Held at bay
So you know
Let it show
Let it go
Take It slow
We can grow
If we share
Will we care
Things weren't fair
If we dare
End this despair
Insomnia
I can't sleep
Nightmares still creep
May not weep
Still cuts deep
I can't sleep
Thinking of you
Away from you
Laughing with you
Snapping on you
Inspired by you
Insomnia

Would you say
You're stronger today
If tears fall
And anxiety calls
Expectations continue to pile
It's becoming harder to smile
Feeling it's never enough
Still being so so tough
Days longer by the hour
Exhaustion draining your power
With all this running around
Feeling like you let yourself down
Don't let disappointment set in
Excellence will never wear thin
With every breath you exhale
You are not designed to fail
Regardless of what has transpired
It's ok if you're tired
As your tears cleanse frustration
Remember you do bring inspiration
To every one you lead
You are growing you will succeed
I'm just a **** I don't know a thing
But I know you can do anything

If I left today
My letter will say
I lost hope
Couldn't cope
After every year
Trapped in here
I'm so awkward
Spiraling alone downward
I belong nowhere
Especially not here
Drugs aren't working
Demons still lurking
Alcohol isn't erasing
The nightmares chasing
The abuse increasing
Closer to releasing
The trigger now
Please help somehow
The face I see
Is so ugly to me
I am invisible
End closing in
So hollow within
No one will care
If I wasn't there

I was told I ask stupid things
Funny it kind of stings
Are you so smart
You can tear someone apart
With your infinite knowledge
Because you went to college
Or because of your job title
That leaves you so entitled
To treat people so unkind
You must posess a superior mind
The pinnacle of success
How you must easily impress
Everyone with your intellect
As your indifference you perfect
Standing there like a mental giant
How others must be compliant
I may respect your tenacious drive
To be the best how you thrive
At what you are tasked to do
But let's speak true
You aren't curing cancer
Since I won't get a straight answer
You will undermine my intelligence
Acting if I hold no relevance
You must be on a higher plateau
One I guess I'll never know
You'll mock my deference
With your well educated arrogance
I'll still show kindness in the end
I'm smart and wise enough my friend

If I dream
It may seem
I chase impossibilities
Searching for sensibilities
In this life
Crazed by stryfe
Asking wrong questions
Following worse suggestions
Yet I persevere
Isn’t always clear
Where to go
Most seldom know
Their own identity
Or their destiny
Some will follow
Leadership that’s hollow
Some spark revolution
To embrace evolution
Over the despair
Just to care
Show some kindness
Amongst the blindness
Is it weak
Just to seek
Some simple empathy
Demonstrate some sympathy
To others suffering
Or do nothing
As others burn
Let hatred spurn
Bullying others senselessly
Into fear relentlessly
Is this righteousness
To control consciousness
With manipulative desires
Greedily it inspires
The selfish advancement
Or wealth enhancement
Who will resist
Or even insist
Freedom and peace
If this mentality won’t cease

I shed tears
Not from fears
Sadness or pain
Let me explain
How the rage
Is like a cage
Anger filled teardrops
While all control stops
Tortured by choices made
As my innocence fades
Consumed by the madness
No longer afflicted by sadness
No longer feeling at all
Tears as I begin to fall
Into the trap others designed
To keep me emotionally blind
Now a tool of aggression
A corrupted savage possession
Wandering lost in the wild
This abused suffocating child
Make your judgement wisely
Be certain when you despise me
Understand why you hate me
Regardless if you truly know me
I continue to search for peace
Tears fall realizing theres no release

If I told you how it was
Just because
About the women I knew
What would you do
How it made me
This possession sexually
Nothing more than a fling
How I didn't mean a thing
Reflected my cold heart
Our intentions weren't so far apart
Somewhat fortunate to be clear
With no emotions in here
All the late nights melt
Not once I felt
Compelled to ask for more
Love didn't live here anymore
As if it did before
But as exciting as it was
I changed because
They would treat me as a toy
In their selfish collection this bad boy
When I was younger I didn't mind
Now I'm older this I find
After all the years flying by
Being alone is no way to die
Been told I'm not the relationship guy
I wish I knew why
Should it matter to me now
If there is change how